


Hold On

by Sea_Unicorn_830



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:21:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 63,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26207113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sea_Unicorn_830/pseuds/Sea_Unicorn_830
Summary: Darcy and Steve have been dating for months, but with everything happening around them, can they make it through?I don't know.  I suck at summaries.This is NOT canon compliant.  Happens sometime after Winter Soldier.  In an alternate universe where nothing hurts and everything is okay.Check out my writing at Ambermariewrites.com
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Jane Foster/Thor, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 22
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I have ever published on here. It's also the first time I've ever written for Marvel, normally it's Supernatural, but I never post that either. So be gentle, please. Thanks! Much love.

Darcy smiled as she put the last touches on the gift her and Steve had gotten for Bucky. She was dressed and ready to go, she was just waiting for Steve to hurry up.

“Do I have to wear this?” He asked, coming out of his bedroom, tugging the edge of his shirt down. Darcy looked up and grinned. He looked so uncomfortable in the tight shirt.

“Yes. Everyone is wearing them. That’s why I bought them.”

“But it was so uncomfortable when I wore it to Barton’s party back in January and I swear it has shrunk even more since then.” He pulled the edge of the shirt down again and Darcy stifled a laugh.

“You wear shirts that tight under your uniform all of the time.” She told him, shaking her head.

“That’s different.” Darcy looked skeptical, but sighed, they had to go.

“Fine. You can wear a zip up hoodie over it.” Steve grinned in triumph. “But you have to also grab me one!” She called after him as he ran back towards his bedroom. She heard him laugh and shook her head. He came back quickly, and handed her a jacket with a quick kiss before he picked up his keys and the gift and herded her toward the door like she had been the one who was running late.

When they got to the Adventure Game Center, they went inside to find Bucky. It wasn’t too busy yet, even though it was a Friday, so there was some hope they’d get to keep a certain amount of anonymity. They spotted Jane at the concession stand, and waved before they headed in the direction she’d indicated everyone else was gathered.

“Well it’s about time Punk.” Bucky said as he stood up to wrap his arms around Steve. Steve smiled wide and wrapped his oldest friend in a tight hug.

“It’s not like I could miss your birthday Jerk.” Steve told him with a smile.

“See! Bucky had no problem with his shirt!” Darcy told Steve as she reached up for a hug of her own. Steve rolled his eyes but smiled fondly at the brunette.

“What’s this now?” Natasha asked as she sat down. “Did Wonder Boy have an issue telling people how old he is?”

“Ha ha. Hello Natasha.” Steve said as he leaned over to hug her as well.

“Yeah, he didn’t want to wear it.” Darcy pouted, as she also turned to Natasha. How she had managed to win the friendship of someone like the Black Widow she would never know, but she wouldn’t complain, especially since she was often on her side.

“You have to be a team player Cap.” Natasha told him with a smirk.

“I’m wearing it aren’t I?”

“Do you see the rest of us wearing a hoodie over ours?” Jane asked from her seat further down the table. She was currently eating what looked like cinnamon pretzel sticks and nacho cheese. No one commented on the odd choice, just let the pregnant woman eat as she pleased.

“No.” Steve said sadly. So much for his idea of cover. “But no one elses looks as tight as mine.”

“Don’t blame us. Blame your girlfriend.” Bucky told him as he laughed.

“Fine. Fine.” Steve said, as he pulled the sweatshirt from his shoulders and placed it on the back of the empty chair next to Bucky. He ignored the catcalls and whistles of his teammates, and took his seat. He reached for a piece of the pizza on the table and took a bite. “So what are we doing first?” He asked Bucky around the mouthful of food as he looked around again.

“I signed us up for laser tag.” Natasha said with a grin.

“Oh, that’s a horrible idea.” Steve told her with a shake of his head.

“I’m on Natasha’s team!” Darcy exclaimed at the same time.

“Okay fine. A horrible game of laser tag, what else?” Steve conceded.

“Go Karts. Ax throwing. Arcade games.” Bucky listed off on his fingers.

“Ah yes, you still think you can best me?” Thor asked Bucky as he returned to the table and placed drinks for himself and Jane down on the table.

“I think I can try.” Bucky told him with a smirk. Darcy watched the exchange with a grin. It had been a rough few years, to hear Steve tell it, to get Bucky comfortable enough to hang out with everyone from the team. Thor was his favorite besides Steve and Natasha. Darcy understood, Thor was one of her favorite people in the Universe. The fact that he made her best friend incredibly happy helped raise her esteem of him even more.

“Lady Darcy! When did you arrive?” Thor asked as he came around the table to wrap her in his arms. Even though he’d been permanently on Earth for the last few years, he still hadn’t completely dropped the formal way he spoke sometimes, and he’d never called her anything but Lady Darcy. Except the one time he’d called her a Shieldmaiden. Darcy had been especially proud that day.

“Just now big guy. How are you?” Darcy asked him as he pulled away.

“Fantastic. These games of chance look easy.” He looked around at the various arcade games surrounding them.

“You’d think so, but not for us regular people.” She told him sadly, with a pat to his chest.

“Who regular people? What?” Tony asked as he walked up behind where Darcy and Thor stood.

“You know Stark, the pleebs like Jane and I.” Darcy snarked with a grin. Tony was one of her favorite people.

“Regular you most certainly are not.” Thor assured her before he moved back towards Jane.

“What would you know about regular Tony?” Darcy asked as she turned to look at him.

“Me? Nothing. I leave that to you and the pint-sized scientist over there.” He snarked back at her.

“Be nice Tony.” Pepper admonished softly, a beautiful smile on her face as she reached for a hug from Darcy.

“Yeah, be nice Tony.” Darcy told him, before she stuck her tongue out at him.

“So now that we’re all here. We are all here correct?” Tony asked the table as a whole. “What fun filled activities are on the agenda for the old man?” He asked with a pat to Bucky’s shoulder. It had taken a couple of years for Tony and Bucky to find solid ground, and another year after that for them to even have any kind of friendship.

“Apparently the assassins have signed us all up for laser tag.” Darcy told him with an eye roll as she took her seat between Steve and Jane.

“Who the what now?” Tony asked as he pulled a chair out for Pepper across the table from Darcy.

“Two teams.” Natasha told the group at large.

After a long argument over who was going to be on what team, it was split, Girls vs. Boys, with Clint being on the girls team to make the teams even. Or, as he explained it, he’d never be on a team against Natasha again. They sat around and ate, and Bucky opened a few of his presents while they waited for their scheduled start time for Laser Tag.

The game itself was a lot of fun. The girls beat the boys by a narrow margin, although Darcy hadn’t been much help. Part way through the game, she’d quietly tried to sneak past a darkened corner, only to be pulled into the shadows by a pair of strong arms. Steve had wasted very little time and pulled her against him before he kissed her soundly. She’d grinned like a fool when she’d pulled away. As she’d backed away from him, she’d shot his sensor, then ran away cackling softly to herself.

The next activity was Ax throwing. The guys soundly won that competition although the girls weren’t completely helpless. Darcy made sure to take a lot of pictures to put in an album for Bucky later. She liked to have pictures of everybody as they hung out and enjoyed being semi-normal.

Her favorite thing about the night so far was the happiness on Steve’s face. Bucky was happy and carefree, he dropped easy affection on Natasha and was friendly toward everyone else. He didn’t flinch when Tony patted him on the back after a particularly good joke. He didn’t tense up when a rowdy group of frat guys down the lane started to argue loudly about whose ax throw was better. Thor shut them up quickly anyway, well he and Natasha. Thor complimented their attempt, and also called them small humans. Natasha was more thorough, she threw a bullseye that buried the handle of the ax into the board, instead of the blade. They left quickly after that. Bucky hadn’t had to glare and Steve didn’t even have to frown at them. It was a true testament to how far Bucky had come. So, Bucky being happy, made Steve happy, and a happy Steve made Darcy happy.

A couple of hours passed while they enjoyed themselves. They played arcade games that most of them were too good at, but it was still fun. Childish fun, which was something that the team had needed, and deserved. They raced Go Karts around the track and made fools of themselves. It was simple. No pressure. None of the usual craziness, for at least one night. It amazed Darcy how much she missed being normal for a change. Like before people crash landed in the middle of a desert from a rainbow. Or metal killing robots. Or species from another planet. It was nice to do something that she would have done in college, with the family that she’d made herself in the craziness that had happened after she’d tazed Thor all of those years ago.

By seven-thirty the group had decided what they really needed was a drink. The arcade had started to fill with the normal Friday night crowd and their window of normal was now closed. They wanted to hang on to it, just a bit longer. Instead of choosing to hit up the closest bar for a drink, which is what Darcy would have done, they headed back to the Tower, where Thor promised some mead that could actually get the birthday boy, and his best friend, drunk. Tony promised liquor and Pepper promised wine. Jane was just happy she wouldn’t have to help Thor to bed, because they would already be at home. They travelled in a sort of caravan back toward what was home for almost everyone, or at least a home away from home for the Barton’s.

Once they arrived back at the Tower, they assembled in the main common room to have drinks and hang out. Darcy sat curled up next to Steve as he talked to Bucky and Thor. They passed the Mead between them and the more they drank the happier they seemed to get. Bucky and Steve started to tell stories of themselves from when they grew up in Brooklyn, much to everyone’s amusement. They didn’t talk about before the war too often. So much had changed for them so it wasn’t a lot of fun to reminisce sometimes. They talked about the Howling Commandos. Sam joined in with stories of his own about things he and his friend Riley had gotten up to during their own time on active duty. They talked a little about different things. Before the air could get too heavy, Darcy suggested a game of never have I ever. That managed to lighten things up a bit, and before long, everyone, including the super soldiers and Thor were a bit tipsy. Jane, ever the pragmatic and only sober person, started to herd everyone upstairs and to their own homes. It was late and she used the excuse of her pregnancy to quiet most arguments.

“Happy Birthday Buck.” Steve said as he hugged his friend before he and Darcy turned toward his apartment.

Once inside, Steve turned to Darcy and pulled her into his arms. “Thank you.” He whispered into her neck. She made an inquisitive noise as she snuggled closer to his warmth. “Without you, this party wouldn’t have happened and Buck,” his voice hitched on his name. “He wouldn’t have gotten to have a little bit of normal. You did that. So thank you.”

“Hey,” Darcy pulled back to stare up at Steve. “I did it because he deserves a birthday. It’s not everyday you get to turn 103 and still look maybe 30.” She laughed a little, which prompted Steve to do the same.

“Still. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Darcy’s face softened as she stared up at him. In what felt like slow motion, his lips neared her own and the kiss that followed was soft, almost reverent, and churned up feelings in her chest that made it hard to breathe. It wasn’t long before the kiss deepened into something that prompted Steve to hoist her up, and press her back into the wall by the door. Darcy started to lose time, as she tried to make her alcohol addled brain function with Steve biting that spot on her neck that always made it difficult.

“Bedroom.” Darcy bit out through clenched teeth, as she used her grip on Steve’s hair to redirect his lips back to her own. He obliged without argument. They made their way to the bedroom, clothes left in a haphazard manner, like bread crumbs that would lead them back to the world.

Sated, and completely boneless, Darcy let Steve pull her firmly against him. The slight buzz she had left from the alcohol, mixed with the post-sex afterglow and the warmth of Steve against her, lulled Darcy into sleep easily. A smile pasted to her lips, Steve had already started to snore behind her. Blissed out, she drifted off.

Darcy’s return to wakefulness was sudden, not sure what it was that had woken her, but body on high alert. Her mind was a little slower to action. After a tense couple of seconds, she started to relax. There was no immediate threat. Other than her bladder that threatened to explode. Darcy rolled her eyes and started to extract herself from a still asleep Steve. She grabbed a shirt off of the floor and pulled it on, before she got up to go to the bathroom. She briefly wished her floors at home were heated like the ones here at the Tower. As she stood in front of the sink, she looked at herself in the mirror. She grinned a bit at her smeared makeup and mussed hair, and the shirt she’d picked up. She washed her hands, found a rag and ran it over her face before she pulled her hair into a messy bun. She tugged the edge of Steve’s party shirt down a bit, and grabbed the sleep shorts she’d left on the bathroom floor the day before. She pulled them on before she turned the light back off and headed back to the warmth Steve provided.

As she climbed back under the covers, she snuggled back toward Steve again, his arm came back around her automatically. He pulled her closer and she adjusted until she was comfortable. Steve’s breath was warm on the back of her neck, and his arm around her was all she needed to get her to slip back into sleep. Steve pulled her closer again, a sleepy brush of his lips on her neck gave her a moments pause. He wasn’t awake, not completely, caught somewhere between awake and a dream most likely.

“Peggy.” He mumbled quietly, before he sighed. “Love you.” Darcy felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water on her. It wasn’t the first time he’d mumbled Peggy’s name in his sleep, but it was the second time in a week. It was also the first time he’d whispered that he loved her while curled around Darcy. That was enough to give Darcy’s already rattled brain cause for concern.


	2. Chapter Two

Darcy squeezed the excess water from her hair one more time before wrapping the towel around herself. Steve had already gone to bed, she had tried, but had lain awake beside him for a while before deciding that maybe a shower would help her mind be able to rest. She hadn’t been able to make herself fall asleep no matter how hard she had tried. Once she’d wrapped herself up, and pulled her hair into a messy bun on her head, she headed quietly back out into the main room of her apartment. Searching quietly for some soft clothes, she dressed, tossed the towel over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and climbed back into bed. Her mind wasn’t much quieter, but at least her body was relaxed now. Steve pulled her closer automatically, without waking up. Darcy smiled and melted into his warmth. Maybe, just maybe she’d be able to sleep. 

“Peg…” Steve’s voice was barely audible, and if he hadn’t been cuddled so close to her, she probably wouldn’t have heard it. Any trace of sleep Darcy had managed to gain in the last few minutes was gone. Carefully, and slowly, she extracated herself from Steve, and the bed. When she was standing next to the bed, she stood there staring down at Steve. As soon as she’d pulled away, he’d sprawled farther into her space, burying his nose in her pillow and smiling softly in his sleep. 

She spent the next few minutes really trying to decide if she could be mad at him. It wasn’t like he was awake and calling her the wrong name, he was asleep. He didn’t have any control over what he was saying. He’d even done it before and she’d been able to laugh it off and pull him closer to her. What was so different this time? They’d had nine months of bliss, barely any disagreements. He made her feel safe and protected and beautiful. He had told her that just her presence calmed the tension that he carried around from his job. He had told her that he didn’t feel like he was really home from a mission until he was holding her close. They’d even started talking a little about a hypothetical future. 

So what was it that was making the last couple of times he’d spoken in his sleep any different than the multiple times before. She wouldn’t be reacting this way if he’d been mumbling Bucky’s name, which he had done a time or two. So why was this bothering her? She ran a hand down her face and let out a frustrated sigh before heading to the kitchen to make herself some coffee. She clearly wasn’t going to get to sleep. 

When Steve woke up the next morning, she was sitting at the table with her laptop open and paperwork sitting next to it. She was inputting data for Jane. He stretched before disentangling himself from the bed. He took a moment to make it before he wandered into the kitchen. Leaning over the back of the chair he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the side of her neck. 

“How long you been up?” He asked her. 

“Couldn’t sleep, so I figured I’d do some work.” She mumbled, not tearing her eyes from the screen. 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” He asked pulling her closer to him. 

“Why? So both of us could have sleepless nights? No, I thought I’d let you sleep. Besides, you looked adorable crammed onto my tiny mattress.” She told him with a grin. The lingering irritation had faded after the first hour of paperwork, but being up all night was already starting to weigh on her.

“I would have at least kept you company. We could have watched a movie or something.” He sounded pouty so Darcy leaned back and looked up at him. 

“Or something? Was that an innuendo Mr. Rogers?” She asked with a smirk. 

“There should be a Captain in there somewhere.” He told her with an answering smirk of his own before leaning down to kiss her good morning. It was a little awkward being upside down, but he shifted around the side of the chair and she turned as well, making it a much better angle. Eventually the kiss had deepend to hint just a little more. So Steve pulled her back to bed and proceeded to undo all of the hard work he’d done making it in the first place. 

“Come on! You’re gonna be late!” Steve called from outside the open door. He was already down by the car while Darcy was rushing to find a lid to her travel coffee cup. 

“The scientists will wait! They won’t be happy if I don’t have my coffee!” She called back snapping the lid into place before grabbing her bag and hurrying down to the car. 

“Okay, true, want me to drive?” Steve asked as she got closer to the door. 

“Since you’re the reason we are late, yes.” She told him with a grin and a quick kiss as she handed off the keys. 

“You were just as much a part of that as I was.” 

“Yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that. I was working when you interrupted me.” She muttered fastening her seatbelt. Steve didn’t respond, just chuckled softly as he started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. 

“Okay, you’ve been increasingly on edge all day, what gives?” Darcy looked up at Jane. 

“What?” She asked trying to focus on what Jane was saying. She had barely been focusing on the data she was supposed to be entering. 

“Darcy. You’ve been working on entering the same data for over an hour. You’ve almost worn a hole in you lip and you keep muttering under your breath. Also, you look like you haven’t slept, and you aren’t listening to music. I might be oblivious sometimes, but today is not one of those days.” Darcy could barely focus on Jane while she spoke. She took her glasses off and sighed, laying them on the counter next to her laptop. 

“I guess I have been kind of distracted.” She admitted, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t sleep well last night, or at all.” 

“What gives? You love sleep?” Jane settled down at the stool nearest her.

“It’s stupid. I don’t wanna talk about it, but I didn’t sleep much this weekend at all, and not for any fun reasons.” 

“Talk to me. Maybe if you tell me what’s going on, we can work through it and you can sleep?” Darcy sighed, maybe talking to Jane would help her sort through the mess in her head. 

“Fine, but I need more coffee first.” Jane smiled but got up to make them both a quick cup of coffee.

“Here, coffee. The best the lab can provide. Now spill. What’s going on, everything seemed fine when you guys went home Friday.” 

“We were. Everything  _ was _ fine. We went back to the apartment and were fine before we fell asleep. It wasn’t until later, when I got up to use the bathroom. When I got back in bed, just before I fell back to sleep, Steve started talking in his sleep, and I couldn’t sleep after that.”

“So what, he said something that scared you or what?” 

“No, that’s just it. He didn’t say anything that he hasn’t said before. He’s mentioned Bucky, his mom, even Peggy before.” 

“So what was different this time?” 

“This time, well,” Darcy groaned. Jane didn’t press, she waited. “This time, when I got back in bed, Steve curled around me, like he usually does. But he whispered Peggy’s name in my ear, before saying he loved me, her, I’m not even sure.”

“Is that the first time that’s happened?”

“No, I mean he’s mentioned Peggy before in his sleep, but he’s never done it curled so tight around me, nor has he ever said that he loved her. Like I’m not stupid, I know that he does,  _ did _ . But that’s not usually what he says in his sleep. And not usually three times in a week.” 

“Wait, he said he loved her in his sleep three times or said her name?”

“Said her name. He only said he loved her the one time.” Darcy took a drink of her coffee. 

“So wait, are we even sure he meant the I love you for Peggy, maybe he meant it for you.” Jane was hopeful and a little analytical, which might just be what Darcy needed for this problem. 

“I don’t know for sure. It was almost in the same breath and he wasn’t awake so I can only assume he meant it for whoever was in the dream with him.” 

“Okay. So, let’s say he did. Why is it bothering you so much? You said he’s mentioned her before, so what’s different this time?” 

“See, I asked myself that very question last night when it happened again and I got so weirded out about it. I don’t know Janey. I don’t have a logical answer. It just, this weekend it made my skin crawl a bit, like there was some big picture and I was only seeing some little part of it that I wasn’t meant to see.” 

“Alright.” 

“Yeah, and then there was other weird stuff too. Like the last couple of weeks, he’s been super secretive about conversations on the phone too. He just cuts people off when I walk into the room and hangs up. Like I’m not supposed to hear what he’s talking about. I didn’t notice it at first, figured it must have just been Avengers stuff or something, but it happened a handful of times this weekend as well and I know they all took the weekend off, so I’m not sure what to think of it all. But combined with him mumbling Peggy’s name in the reverent way he does, in my ear when we’re pressed together in very little clothing, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not…” Darcy trailed off. 

“What? Maybe you aren’t what?” Jane prompted. 

“Maybe I’m not enough for him anymore, and he just doesn’t know how to say it.” Darcy mumbled. Jane laughed but quieted at Darcy’s sharp look. 

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m not going to pretend to. But that man is crazy about you. He loves you Darcy and I don’t know what his dreams are doing right now, but him and Bucky have been talking about the past quite a bit lately, especially on Bucky’s birthday.” Darcy sighed. 

“But does he though?” 

“Does he what?” Jane reached over to take Darcy’s hand where it was fiddling with the papers laid there, curling the edges of them. 

“Does he love me? He barely says it Jane. He’s said it maybe three times, and he was always either on the edge of sleep or we had just,” Darcy trailed off, a slight blush on her cheeks. 

“Wait, he hasn’t ever officially said that he loved you? Like looked you in the eyes, earnestly told you that he loved you before kissing you stupid?” 

“Nope.” Darcy popped the ‘p’ and looked down at where her hands were fiddling with her chipped Captain America mug Jane had bought her after they’d started dating. Jane leaned back and rubbed her hand over her stomach while she thought. 

“You need to talk to him. You need to tell him that this has you weirded out. Even though it isn’t like he had any control over it. He needs to know you’re feeling insecure.” 

“You think that’s what it is?” 

“Yes. I think it’s insecurity plain and simple. Logically you know that Peggy is no threat to you. But let’s be real, even though it’s been over 75 years since their relationship for everyone else, for him it’s still only been a few years. I think that that’s scary when you’re being compared to someone who he loved deeply, and immensely. Especially since everything seemed so much simpler then, compared to now at least. And there has been a huge learning curve for him.” 

“Thanks Jane. That’s not helpful at all.” Darcy shot her a pointed look.

“Sorry.” Jane mumbled before leaning back and drinking some of her coffee, making face down at her cup. Darcy shook her head, she knew she probably should talk to Steve about it now, before it had a chance to become a bigger thing than it already was, but she didn’t know if she could.

“I don’t know Jane. I know I probably should, but I just feel like maybe I’m sharing him with the memory of her. I know he used to go see her all of the time before she died. What if I’m doomed the spend the rest of our lives together in the shadow of what they had or  _ could have  _ had if he hadn’t put the plane down?” 

“Darcy, if he hadn’t put that plane down, we would not be having this conversation.” 

“I know that Jane. I do. But I cannot help but feel like I’m sharing him. Do you ever feel like that? Have you ever? Knowing that Thor has his people to take care of too?” 

“Valkyrie is the official King now. But I did, for a little bit feel like I had to share him. But it was different, sharing a King with his people is not the same as sharing someone with the past.” Darcy nodded and looked down again. “You know what helped when I felt overwhelmed though?” Darcy looked up and made an inquisitive sound. “I talked to Thor. Told him I understood but was feeling insecure. And then we figured out how to fix that together.” 

“I guess.” 

“You know I’m right.” 

“Maybe.” Jane opened her mouth to say something but they were interrupted by Thor coming into the lab in his full armor. 

“My love, Lady Darcy, pardon the interruption.” He said, stalking toward Jane. When he reached her his hand immediately spanned the expanse of her stomach before he leaned down to kiss Jane. “We’ve been called away, I’m not sure for how long. But I will return to you.” 

“You better.” Jane told him with a smile. 

“Watch the sky.” He told her with a smile before kissing her one more time. Darcy smiled softly to herself. She’d been there the first time they’d said those words to one another, the fact that it had become their customary good-bye whenever he had a mission was adorable, and a little much for Darcy and she looked down at her cup. “Be well Lady Darcy.” Thor’s hand on her shoulder drew her attention back up. She smiled weakly at him. 

“You too Big Guy.” With a nod he left the lab, just as determined as he’d been when he’d strode in. Darcy picked up her phone to look, no messages. No missed calls. She looked over at Jane. 

“I hate when he leaves. Sometimes he’d forget to tell me, until I talked to him. I’m telling you Darce. You guys need to talk. Now get out of here, go home. Get some sleep. All of this will keep until tomorrow.” Jane gently closed the lid to her computer and picked up her empty coffee cup and walked toward the small kitchen in the lab. She’d clearly been dismissed. She gathered her things and started toward the door, stopping to hug Jane and whisper a thank you in her ear. 

She walked out of the building in time to see the Quinjet take off from the rooftop landing pad. She watched it until it disappeared, before heading toward the subway, deciding she was too emotionally drained and exhausted to trust herself behind the wheel. 


	3. Chapter Three

Darcy was able to get some sleep, but she didn’t feel all that rested. She hadn’t heard from Steve since Monday before work. She knew she needed to talk to him, but the feeling that she wasn’t enough just kept getting worse. Jane had started referring to it as her  _ Peggy Paranoia _ . She was spacing out a lot at work and in the lab, which wasn’t like her. She’d barely played any music and when she did, Jane tended to switch it off because it wasn’t the fun, happy music she normally played. It was either sad or angry, no in between and Jane said she wasn’t listening to it. The Avengers still weren’t back and Jane was hoping for it just so Steve would talk to Darcy, otherwise her pregnancy hormones were threatening to kill the woman. 

“Darce, why don’t you take a half day?” Jane asked gently. She was tired and was heading home as well. “And I’ll meet you in the coffee shop tomorrow morning so that we can go shopping and have lunch.” Jane suggested just before lunch time. 

“I have a lot to do Jane. I’ll see you in the morning.” Darcy didn’t look up from the computer and waved her best friend off. Jane sighed and headed out of the lab and towards the elevator. Darcy leaned over and hit play on her playlist, turning it up loud since the lab was soundproof. Angry rock filled the lab and Darcy tried to focus back on the data entry she was doing instead of the ever growing internal list of potential reasons that Steve hadn’t contacted her all week. She’d gotten up to at least thirty-five reasons, and most of them were in the range of improbable to impossible. Then again, she’d been there to find a man falling from space, tazed a god, fought off a metal fire robot, and Dark Elves. So, nothing was impossible anymore. 

Darcy wasn’t sure how long she worked, but eventually her eyes were too dry and tired to keep going. So she shut down the computer, shut off the music and after making sure everything was off, left the lab. She took the subway home, and decided to stop by the local pub for a beer and some fried food. It didn’t take too long before she was seated comfortably at the end of the bar on her second beer and eating some cheese sticks. 

“Is this what passes for dinner when I’m gone?” Darcy looked sideways at the person that had just sat down next to her. Her eyes flicked over Steve cataloging whether he was okay or not. 

“Depends. This is comfort food.” She said facing forward again.

“Comfort food huh?” He asked with a smile, picking up a cheese stick and dropping it back in the basket. 

“If all you did was come track me down to criticize my eating habits, you can go now.” Darcy didn’t spare him another glance, just picked up her beer. 

“Are you mad at me?” He asked softly, his hand setting near hers where it rested on the bar. 

“I haven’t decided if I’m mad or hurt. Currently it could go either way.” 

“What did I do?” Darcy scoffed and took another drink of her nearly empty beer. 

“Can I get you something?” The bartender asked Steve, interrupting them. 

“Two beers, whatever it is she’s drinking, please.” The bartender shot her a look, asking her permission. Darcy rolled her eyes and nodded. 

“Coming right up handsome.” She told him and walked away. 

“Can you really not figure it out? Like you have no idea Steve? No clue at all as to why I might be upset, or hurt, or both?” Steve looked down then back up at her. 

“Darcy, you knew what my job was before we met, you said you were okay with it.” Darcy scoffed again, shaking her head and slipping down off of her stool. 

“Don’t worry,” she told the bartender as she came back over with the two beers Steve had requested. “Captain America is picking up my tab. Then going back to the Tower where hopefully he’ll stay. Cause his girlfriend of nine months, doesn’t want to see him.” Darcy aimed the last of her speech at Steve before grabbing her purse and storming away. Steve turned toward the bartender and shrugged. 

“How much do I owe you?” He asked, pulling out his wallet. 

Darcy’s anger fueled her entire walk back to her apartment. She let herself in and slammed the door behind her. She threw her purse and jacket on the hook behind the door before stalking to the fridge to pull another beer out. She’d finally started to feel okay, and now she was just angry again. She couldn’t believe the audacity of him. How had he even found her? She had a tracker in her phone, but that was supposed to be used in emergencies only. Steve just happened to show up to the bar near her house and started out insulting her dinner choices before being completely oblivious to why she’d be upset. It wasn’t that he’d left, it was that he’d left without telling her he was going. No texts. No phone calls. All week long. Not one thing. She drank the beer pretty quickly before reaching in to get another one. She was half way through that one when the knock on the door came. 

“This isn’t the tower Steve.” She called out, knowing it was him. 

“Please Darcy.” Was all he said. She leaned back against the counter and briefly debated it. Worst case scenario he left, went back to the Tower and came over the next day to try again. Best case scenario, she let him in, actually talked to him, and hopefully have really great Makeup/Missed you sex. She had an itch under her skin that would only be gone when she was held in his arms, it was the same whenever he was on a mission, the need to feel him against her skin to reassure herself he was actually okay. She must have been silent for a few minutes while she wavered back and forth, and she knew he was still standing on the other side of the door, just waiting for her to decide. Knowing he’d do whatever it was she said. 

“Come in.” She said quietly, knowing he’d hear it. She set her beer down on the counter near her as he opened the door and closed it behind himself, locking the deadbolt. 

“I don’t understand.” He told her once he’d turned to look at her. 

“Clearly. I told you to go home, yet here you are.” She’d tried to suppress her anger but it was clearly there in her voice and the tension she could feel in her muscles.

“Darcy.” 

“Do not ‘ _ Darcy _ ’ me. Do. Not. Steve, no. I have spent all week wondering where you were or if you were okay. Not knowing if the last thing I’d ever say to you was some stupid joke about sex or not.”

“They would have been great last words.” He tried a smile, but the glare she sent him wiped it off his face quickly. 

“You knew Darcy, you knew the job. You knew what could happen when we started doing this. Back before it was serious. Back before it wasn’t anything more than a couple of movies, we talked about that.” 

“Yes Steve. We did. And no, it isn’t the job that is bothering me. It isn’t the job that didn’t say goodbye and it wasn’t the job that didn’t call me!” By the time she’d finished she was yelling, she spun around to stare at the cabinets to her back and picked up her beer, gulping it down. She heard Steve sigh behind her. A moment later she felt his arms around her waist as he pulled her into his chest. 

“I’m sorry Darce. When we got the report it was wheels up in fifteen.” 

“I would have been happy with a text Steve. Just two text messages. One to say you had to leave, and one to say you were on your way home. That would have been okay. I have never asked for very much, but I don’t think that that is too much. Even for you. Thor had enough time to visit the lab, but you couldn’t find two seconds to even text me. Hell, I don’t even know that they would tell me if something happened to you.” 

“You know that they would. And I’m sorry, my uniform takes longer to put on than the three seconds it takes Thor to magic his on.” Darcy groaned and pulled away from him. 

“I’m not asking for anything more than a text Steve. And it seems that’s too much so maybe you should go.” Her voice was quiet and while she was facing him, she couldn’t make herself meet his eyes. 

“I’m not leaving.” He paused and Darcy heard him swallow. “You’re right. You aren’t asking me for too much. I wish I had more time sometimes, so I could storm down to the lab and kiss you goodbye, but I usually don’t. Not unless it’s planned, and let’s be fair, I don’t go on many that are.” He wrapped his arms around her again, resting his forehead to Darcy’s. “But I promise, in the future, I will tell you I’m leaving, and that I’m on my way home, even if all I can do to convey that is a text message.” Darcy opened her eyes and looked at him, pulling back from his forehead so she didn’t have to go cross-eyed. 

“Promise?” She asked, and hated how weak the question came out. She hated the tears she could feel at the back of her eyes. Steve pressed his lips to her forehead before pulling back to look at her again. 

“I promise.” he said softly before leaning forward and kissing her softly. Darcy threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck, squeezing him as tight as she could. She’d missed him, and this, this was what made his missions bearable, the feel of having him back in her arms. 

Steve pulled away and pressed a kiss to her lips, pulling her tightly to him as he swept his tongue across her lips seeking entrance. Darcy opened and let him in. Steve crowded her back against the counter and pinned her there, one hand in her hair at the nape of her neck and one holding her hip. The way he was scratching his fingers against her scalp made shivers run down her spine. His lips left hers and left a trail of heat across her jaw and down her neck, stopping to suck and nibble just above where her neck met her shoulder. If she hadn’t been held in place by both the counter and Steve, her knees going weak would have made her drop. 

Steve let the fingertips of the hand he had in her hair gently trace the back of her neck and down her spine until he brought it against her other hip. Trailing both of his hands down and to the back of her thighs with just enough barely there pressure combined with the work his mouth was doing on her neck punched a moan past Darcy’s lips. Steve lightly growled against the spot behind her ear before he grabbed the backs of her thighs and hoisted her up onto the counter. 

“Anything else you wanna yell at me about Doll, or can we make up now?” His words were barely louder than her own breath and she barely heard him, grabbing a handful of his hair and directing his lips back to hers. 

“Make up now. Yell later.” She told him. His answering chuckle against her lips made her tighten her hold in his hair with one hand, and with the one she had wrapped around him, she pulled him closer until she could wrap her legs around his waist and hold him close. 

After kissing a few more minutes, Darcy started tugging on Steve’s shirt, trying to get it off of him. He stepped back half a step and pulled both the sweater and shirt off at once, tossing them wherever they happened to land. Darcy’s hands were back on him immediately, pulling him back to her, connecting from hip to lips. Steve generally was like a small furnace, but like this, pupils blown wide, and heart pounding, he was like a fire, and Darcy loved the burn. 

One semi-rough pull and her shirt was loose from where she had tucked it into her skirt before work. He kissed down her neck again as he undid the buttons on her top, following the path of skin revealed with his lips. Darcy leaned back against the upper cabinets and tried to get her breathing under control while he slowly took her apart. When he reached the last button, he flicked the shirt open and stared at her for just a moment, his jaw working, and swallowing hard before he dove in toward one breast, teasing through the lace of her bra. She hadn’t known when he was coming home, and she’d been mad at him, but she’d worn her best sets all week, just in case. He happened to luck out that she’d worn his favorite set today. It wasn’t the sexiest, but it was lace at the top, and had a matching garter belt, that she’d attached to her black pantyhose, and she knew how much he loved the look and feel of them on her skin. He pulled back the edge of the bra cup to apply sensation directly to her skin and this time, it felt like her moan was drug out from deep within her. Steve moved to the other side and repeated the torment there before kissing all the way back up to her lips, nipping at them before sealing them together. 

Without warning, he pulled her against him and with little effort at all, pulled her off the counter to walk toward the bed. While they kissed Darcy took the opportunity to shed her shirt, and let it fall away. When her back hit the bed, she wasn’t surprised to find Steve bracketing her body, resting his weight on his elbows and staring down at her. He smiled softly before dipping his head to kiss her again, this time slower, and it was almost more demanding this way. He could play Darcy like a fiddle and even though neither of them were anywhere near naked enough, she was sure she’d go off like a rocket any time. 

It didn’t take long for Steve to actually settle his weight down on her, or much longer after that for her skirt and his pants to disappear. Then he pulled back, held one of her feet in his hands as he undid her shoe, pulling the heel off and kissing her ankle before repeating the process with the other foot. This time he kissed his way back up her leg, leaving open mouthed kisses along the inside of her legs through her stockings. Like reminders of where he’d been. He nibbled her thigh just above where her stockings stopped and Darcy wasn’t sure she was going to make it to the point where he actually touched her. Five days and she felt like she’d never been touched by him before. She groaned and buried her fingers in his hair, closing her eyes to the sensation of his hot breath creeping higher. 

Darcy leaned her head against Steve’s chest and attempted to slow her breathing. They didn’t argue often, but the makeup sex was always good. She would need a new set of stockings, as the pair she’d had on now had runs in them, but that was okay, she could afford nice things now that she wasn’t an unpaid intern, but a paid assistant instead. Steve was idly playing with a piece of her hair as she drifted in the afterglow, sheet pulled up to protect her from the chill of the room. 

“So was that the make up sex, or the missed you sex?” Steve asked after their breathing had returned to normal. Darcy laughed. 

“Captain Rogers, are you suggesting you’d like to have more sex?” She asked, her mind already turning over the possibilities. 

“Always. As long as it’s with you.” he pressed a kiss to the side of her head, his other hand coming to rest on her stomach under the sheet. 

“You know, there can be many reasons then.” 

“Really?” His voice was intrigued as he slowly started rubbing his hand against her hip and across the lower part of her stomach. 

“Really.” She confirmed leaning back into him a little more. Letting his touch linger in her skin a little longer. Steve leaned his head down and kissed her bare shoulder, before his lips started a trail from there up her neck again. 

“So, you never answered. Makeup or Miss you?” His voice low, and against her skin.

“Which would you like it to be?” Darcy couldn’t help how husky her voice had gotten. 

“Definitely the make up sex.” He kissed the space behind her ear and let his breath fan out over the spot making her shiver. His other hand moving lower along her body to the tops of her thighs before traveling back to her stomach. 

“Why?” She breathed.

“So that I can do the ‘Sorry I’m an idiot’ sex next. Then my personal favorite, the miss you sex afterward.” 

“You really have no plans to sleep tonight do you?” 

“I never plan to sleep when I come home to you.” He nibbled and sucked a spot on her neck, down low enough to almost be her shoulder. She tipped her head away to give him better access. His other hand finally coming into contact with where she really wanted it. 

They stayed that way, Steve driving her over the edge with just his hand while he whispered dirty things in her ear. If the public knew the mouth on their beloved Captain America, they would never believe it. Darcy hadn’t even believed it at first. Once she was floating, Steve turned and put himself above her, kissing her properly, demanding, as he sunk into her. For the next hour or so, he made good on every dirty promise he’d made. Eventually the exhaustion won out and Darcy fell asleep curled onto his chest, their legs tangled together, and feeling better than she had in quite some time. 


	4. Chapter Four

Darcy was up before Steve was the next morning, she debated showering without him while she made coffee but in the end it wouldn’t do any good. She texted Jane and let her know she was going to be a little late, but that she’d meet her at ten at the coffee shop. Jane answered relatively quickly that it was a great plan. Then asked if she could bring Thor along. They were going baby shopping, so Darcy didn’t see a problem with it, in fact she’d drag Steve along with them as well. Once the coffee was done, she made two cups and wandered back over to the bed, dressed only in Steve’s tshirt and her underwear. She sat down carefully next to him on top of the blankets and smiled down at him. Setting the coffee down on her nightstand, she grabbed her phone and snapped a picture of his sleeping form, half covered by the blankets. She grinned and put her phone down, after sending the picture to Bucky for further blackmail material. 

She picked up her cup and got comfortable on the blanket, smiling down at Steve. She was happy he was home, and that he didn’t look like he’d taken too much damage while he’d been gone. She knew he healed quickly but it still made her uncomfortable to see the lingering proof that he’d been hurt at all. It was part of the job, and she knew that, but it always twisted something in her gut when he got hurt. She took a sip of her coffee and leaned over to pull the sheet down off of his face. She smiled at how peaceful and young he looked in sleep. No crease between his eyebrows, no stress in his body, just relaxed and content. Her phone chirped and she picked it up to glance at it. 

Bucky:  _ I’m glad he’s getting sleep. He ran himself ragged all week. _

Darcy:  _ So I shouldn’t wake him up? _

Bucky:  _ Oh no, wake him. He’s been dying to get home to you Doll. _

Bucky:  _ But don’t tell him I told you. He’s a punk. _

Darcy considered as she put the phone down again. She didn’t know what their mission had been, and she hadn’t even asked him. He stirred slightly as she stared at him. Searching blindly for her, when he didn’t find her his eyes opened and the momentary confusion was quickly replaced by a smile as he spotted her. 

“Morning Doll.” He mumbled, stretching his legs before he sat up.

“What are you grinning at Mr. Rogers?” 

“You look amazing in my clothes. Have I told you that?” 

“Many times, but I love hearing it.” She told him with a grin before she handed him his own cup of coffee. He arranged himself comfortably, mirroring her position, before he took it. Once he had a grip on it, he leaned forward and captured her lips in a brief kiss good morning. 

“Good morning beautiful.” 

“Morning handsome.” Her answering grin was infectious. 

“So what are we doing today?” He asked, leaning back and taking a drink of his coffee. 

“We are meeting up with Jane and Thor at the Tower coffee house at ten. So drink your coffee. We need to get a shower and get out of here.” He hummed and smiled at her. By the darkening of his eyes she could tell where his train of thought had gone. She just grinned at him. 

They drank their coffee and talked before Steve pulled them into the bathroom for a shower, that was supposed to save them time but ended up taking longer than she’d planned. Not that she was complaining. Darcy got dressed while Steve shaved and brushed his teeth. When she crammed into the tiny bathroom with him to brush her own teeth and put her makeup on, Steve grinned and pulled her closer to him. 

“You know, if you go out in that, it will make it ten times harder to not get spotted.” Darcy looked down at her blue shirt with the Captain America shield on it paired with her favorite dark blue jeans and her red boots. She had a red slouchy hat on as well. 

“You want me to take it off?” She quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“No.” Steve wrapped his arms around her. “I love when you wear my colors.” He told her kissing her neck before going out of the room, leaving her to do her makeup. When she came out, Steve was rolling up the sleeves on a dark blue flannel shirt. Darcy stopped, between his shirt, his jeans and his boots, she wanted to take him back to bed. He looked amazing. 

“We have to go, before I take you back to bed.” He said looking up at her and smiling. 

“I was just thinking the same thing. But Jane will kill me.” Darcy said with a laugh. She pulled Steve closer and kissed him softly before pulling away and grabbing her bag. “Now lets go.” Steve chuckled but grabbed his wallet and followed her out. 

By the time they reached the Tower, Steve had put on a baseball cap and his sunglasses. He left Darcy at the coffee shop to run upstairs to his room and grab something really quick. Darcy wandered up to the counter and ordered two coffees to go, for herself and Steve. When she came back out to the lobby, Steve was just coming out of the elevator with Jane and Thor. Jane looked adorable wrapped in a sweater, like it would hide her baby bump, and comfy jeans. Thor, however, looked different dressed in just a plain tshirt with a black leather jacket over it. Darcy marveled at how well the guys did casual to blend in. They were both in sunglasses, of course, but her and Jane had them as well. With a smile, they all headed for the door. 

Steve wrapped his arm around Darcy’s shoulders as the group walked and talked about where they were going to go that day. Apparently Thor had plenty of ideas about what they should get the baby. Darcy decided that he was going to make a great dad. Steve didn’t seem too put out by their chosen activities. Even after a few hours of shopping, he was still smiling and cracking jokes with Thor. It made Darcy smile. He had even bought the baby a Captain America onesie, because the baby was going to need something cool to wear. Thor had said he wouldn’t be putting the baby in anything not Thor related but Jane assured him that she’d make sure to put them in it and take lots of pictures. 

They settled in for lunch at a diner in Brooklyn, which was one of Steve’s favorite places to eat. Darcy ordered herself a panini and settled back to watch the startled look on the waitresses face when Steve and Thor ordered enough food for three people, each. The atmosphere was nice, calm and peaceful as they made their way back to the Tower. When they went their separate ways, Steve and Darcy made their way back to his apartment. 

“So, what are we doing for your birthday, Beautiful?” Steve asked, handing her a beer as he sat down on the couch next to her.

“I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it.” She told him as she cuddled into him, tucking her feet up under herself. 

“Well, you let me know what you’re doing and I’ll be there.” He told her wrapping an arm around her as he settled in to watch a movie. 

“I wanna be a pirate.” Darcy whispered against his chest sometime later as they watched the second movie. Steve chuckled and wrapped his arm tighter around her. When she fell asleep twenty minutes later, Steve pulled his phone from his pocket and texted Bucky. 

Steve:  _ How the hell would someone go about throwing a pirate birthday party? _

Bucky:  _ Um….why? _

Steve:  _ Because Darcy doesn’t have plans for her birthday and just told me she wants to be a pirate. I want to surprise her. _

Bucky:  _ I don’t know punk. Ask Tony, he’d have a better idea.  _

Steve:  _ Well you’re no help at all.  _ Steve rolled his eyes. 

Bucky:  _ You’re welcome.  _

Another text came through on his phone, this time from Natasha.

Widow:  _ I can make it happen. I’ll give you details tomorrow. Come to dinner. In one hour.  _

Steve: _ Okay. We will be there.  _

Steve waited until about twenty minutes before dinner before he woke Darcy and let her know they were going to eat with Bucky and Natasha. She smiled and went to go fix her makeup and her hair. When she came back out of his room, she had changed her shirt to a Winter Soldier shirt. Steve laughed and shook his head at her before she grabbed his sweat jacket from by the door before they headed over to Bucky’s apartment. 

After dinner, and almost two bottles of wine, Steve helped Darcy back to his apartment. Bucky had of course crowed over her obvious favoritism of him over Steve. As such, they’d been a team to play cards, which had been fine, he and Natasha were the better partners anyway. Eventually they’d just crashed on the couches, he and Nat playing video games on old school Game Boys while Darcy and Bucky had played Mario Kart on the Wii. It was like a group of children rather than four grown adults, half of which were over a century old. Steve didn’t mind, and Darcy always found it to be the best times, because it was so carefree. 

“I can’t walk anymore. Steve carry me.” Darcy told him as soon as Bucky had shut the door behind them. Steve laughed but picked her up in his arms and carried her the twenty feet or so to his own door. Putting her down once they were inside the apartment. He locked the door before he wrapped his arm around her again and led her toward the bedroom with a fond smile on his face. He helped her out of her jeans, before he got rid of his own and crawled into bed with her. Holding her close in his arms. Darcy curled in on him, tangling their legs together, absorbing his warmth as best she could. Steve smiled, kissed her forehead and closed his eyes. 

The next day found Darcy waking up alone in Steve’s bed. She laid there, enjoying the feeling of his soft bed and the warmth of laying there in the sun. She wasn’t sure how long she laid there, hair spread behind her, Bucky’s shirt still on. It was an interesting idea, laying in Captain America’s bed, with her love for his best friend emblazoned upon her chest. She giggled at herself before she got up and wandered into the bathroom. After a shower, she wandered out to the kitchen to scrounge up some coffee before she started making her to-do list. As much as she wanted to hang around Steve all day, she needed to get home. Get laundry done and clean her apartment. She had some work to do still as well. She didn’t want to leave before Steve came back from the gym though. So she started pulling things out of the fridge to make breakfast, enough for at least two super soldiers, since Bucky usually came by on Sunday mornings for brunch. 

When the boys came in, Darcy had pulled on a pair of shorts with her shirt and was dancing around in the kitchen to music as she cooked. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun on top of her head and she didn’t care, these were not people she needed to impress. 

“Told you she loved me more than you.” She heard Bucky say before he grabbed her up in a hug. “Morning Doll.” he added with a kiss to her temple. Behind them Steve just chuckled as he pulled two bottles of water from the fridge. 

“Morning Buck. Hungry?” 

“I could eat.” 

“You could always eat.” She smiled and smacked his shoulder before turning to Steve. 

“Morning beautiful.” He said wrapping his arms around her and kissing her softly. 

“Morning Captain.” She grinned up at him before turning back to the stove before scooping eggs onto three plates. “Tasha coming?” she asked, glancing at Bucky. 

“Nah, she had a thing with Clint this morning.” Darcy rolled her eyes. 

“Of course she did.” Darcy shook her head fondly while she finished serving breakfast. “Well, chows on boys. Eat.” Everyone grabbed a plate and settled in at the counter to eat and chat. 

“So what are you guys doing today?” Bucky asked Steve as he helped wash the dishes. 

“Nothing. Why?” Steve answered. Darcy had gone into the bedroom to get dressed for the day.

“Eh, just curious.” 

“Why, you wanna do something?” 

“I have no plans. Nothing to do really.” 

“Alright boys, as much fun as this is, I gotta head home. Not all of us have people who do their laundry for them.” Darcy told them coming back out into the room with her bag of dirty clothes from Steve’s. Bucky looked at Steve. 

“Want company?” he asked.

“I appreciate the offer, but I have other things to get done as well. Like cleaning my apartment and work. Some of us do real work, not just hero work.” She kissed Bucky’s cheek before she kissed Steve goodbye and walked out of the apartment before she could change her mind. 

“Well, now what?” Bucky asked Steve, who just shrugged at him, completely bewildered. 

“I don’t know. I hate when she does that.” 

“What, leave?”

“Yeah.”

“So ask her to move in.” Steve stared at Bucky like he had a second head. “Come on man, it’s not like you guys aren’t spending all of your time together anyway. You pine over her whenever she isn’t around, you love the hell out of her. Ask her to move in. It’s the easiest decision ever.”

“She does already have half of her clothes here anyway.”

“Yeah, and half of yours are at her place. Hell, you have toothbrushes and drawers for your stuff at each other's houses. What’s the big deal?” 

“I don’t know Buck. I don’t know if I’m ready for that, or if she is.” 

“Steve, if it were still the forties you’d be asking her to marry you already. Asking her to move in isn’t as big of a deal as you’re making it.” 

“If it were still the forties, we’d both be married by now.” Steve quipped with a chuckle as he dried the last dish and placed it into the cabinet. He thought about Darcy being in his space all of the time, and he smiled, loving the thought. “Maybe I will.”

“But since you’re free, I need your help with something.” Steve looked at Bucky and the nervousness that seeped into him suddenly. 

“Sure, whatever you need.” 

Darcy gathered the latest load from the dryer and dumped it on her couch to fold. Her music was turned up loud and most of her small apartment was clean. She almost wished she’d let the boys tag along just so she wouldn’t be alone, but she didn’t mind. Not really. She loved Steve, and she loved that she could do her thing and he’d be right there, bringing her coffee while she worked, or sitting on the couch sketching. It was easy, and she loved him like crazy. But in moments where life was getting too domestic, or too cozy, she had to force herself to pull away. He didn’t love her, he wasn’t in the same place that she was. As far as she could tell, she was far more committed to this then he was. While that was a scary thought, it was something she had gotten used to. She loved him. He didn’t love her. Not yet. He did adore her, he wanted to be with her. He cared about her, if he didn’t the argument they’d had the other day wouldn’t have mattered. He would have just gone home when she told him to. He wouldn’t have promised to change things that upset her. So he didn’t love her, not yet, but hopefully he would eventually.

Darcy finished folding and put the clothes away before moving into the kitchen to put the dishes from the dishwasher away. Her mind drifted to Steve again. She was still annoyed and uncomfortable about all of the things she had been before he left, but they’d bothered her less over the weekend then they had all week, or even the few days before that. She just didn’t know how to get into that conversation. Maybe if she just let it be, it would resolve itself. She knew that wasn’t the healthy thing to do, but like she’d already realized, he didn’t love her, not yet. He  _ had _ loved Peggy. It was only natural that those were the things that came up in his dreams. She agreed with Jane’s assessment that she was probably just being insecure, and that might be what had set her on edge about the dreams, but it didn’t do much to explain why he was cutting off conversations like he didn’t want her to know who he was on the phone with. It didn’t explain why she’d woken up that morning to no note, she knew where he was, but he used to leave her notes to let her know where he had gone and about what time he’d be back. He hadn’t done that for a couple of months now. Things were slowly changing. It was like if they weren’t having sex, or there was a chance for sex he didn’t want to hang out that often. Then again, they’d had a great day yesterday, and aside from the mutual pleasure they’d found in the shower, they hadn’t done anything more than kiss. 

Darcy shook her head as she put away the last dish before she headed to the table with her laptop and the work she’d brought home with her on Friday. She’d figure out the Steve thing later, when she didn’t have adult responsibilities. 

“So,” Nathasha started, looking at Steve across the table once they’d finished eating. “I have it all arranged.”

“All of what arranged?” Steve quirked an eyebrow at her. 

“Darcy’s pirate birthday party. I talked to Tony, he and Pepper are headed out to Malibu tomorrow, they’re going to arrange the boat rentals and make sure everything is taken care of. Jane and Thor will head out there on Tuesday, under the guise of a romantic pre-baby trip. Selvig is meeting us out there. The four of us will be boarding the jet early on Wednesday morning, I don’t care if you carry a sleeping Darcy onto the plane Rogers, I’m serious. Wheels up at seven.”

“She’s not gonna wanna wake up early on her birthday.” Steve muttered. 

“Figure it out Rogers. Make it worth it. Once we get there, everyone else will have everything ready. Even Bruce, Clint, and Laura are going to be there. Of course everyone else is leaving Tuesday, so whatever you do, keep her away from the Tower Tuesday. Got it?” Natasha leveled Steve with a glare. 

“Okay.”

“Also, I heard you’re going to ask her to move in?” Steve shot Bucky a look. 

“Well, I was thinking about it.” 

“Don’t do it for her birthday. But I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Natasha nodded her head and picked up her wine glass before leaning back. 

“Dude, she’s scary.” Steve told Bucky, who just grinned proudly before wrapping an arm around her. 

“I know. I love it.” He told Steve holding his beer bottle out towards him. Steve shook his head, chuckling fondly and tapped the neck of his own against his friends, thinking about their secret shopping trip they’d taken downtown while Nat had been busy with Clint. 


	5. Chapter Five

“Why are we up so early again?” Darcy asked as Steve pulled her toward the bathroom for a shower. “It’s my birthday and I wanna sleep.” she whined. 

“Yes beautiful it is, and I have a day full of surprises for you.” He told her with a smile. 

“Can they surprise me in a couple of hours?” She pouted.

“Nope.” Steve kissed the tip of her nose before he turned around to start the water for her. “Now get in the shower. I’ll lay your clothes out on the bed and have coffee ready for you.” Darcy groaned again but kissed him when he gave her a quick kiss before walking out of the bathroom, smacking her ass on the way out. 

“Hey!” Darcy grumbled, but started getting ready for her shower. 

Steve just laughed as he headed back toward the bedroom to grab the gift box he’d put together for her with Bucky and Natasha’s help. It was all yellow, and contained various foods, a new coffee cup, and a new pair of slip-on shoes in the style she liked, and a new bathing suit. He put it on the bed with her birthday tshirt and a pair of jeans. He’d packed her a pair of shorts and extra clothes into a duffel bag yesterday while she’d been at work. He took it out now and double checked he had everything they might need for the rest of the day; sunscreen, dry clothes, a small first aid kit, yes, he had everything. He zipped the bag and sat it by the front door before starting on her coffee. He shot a text off to Bucky reminding him not to forget the Mead Thor had left with them to bring so everyone could enjoy themselves a bit. He also reminded him to bring Darcy’s real gift. He had sent the gifts he’d bought Darcy to open in front of their friends with Thor and Jane the day before, that way he wouldn’t have to figure out how to smuggle them on the plane and keep them out of sight. Bucky had the other because he and Darcy were sharing the bag that he’d packed and he was afraid of her finding it. 

He hadn’t intended to buy the necklace, but he’d already been at the jewelry store with Buck, and he just knew that it was something he wanted for Darcy. It was cheeky, a little on the nose, but he had been serious about liking the way it made him feel when he caught her wearing his colors. She was a nerd about buying Avengers related gear, just to wear it around them and see their faces. He was confident that she’d like it, but he was still nervous. 

He heard the shower kick off and heard the bathroom door open a few moments later. Quietly he crossed to the open doorway to the bedroom to watch her face as she found her gifts. He watched with fondness as she pulled the items out of the box, her smile widening with each one. She turned to look at him, like she knew he’d been there the whole time. 

“You did this?” His smile was fond. 

“I mean, I had some help, but yes. You are my sunshine everyday, so I wanted to make sure you had some today.” He told her, rubbing the back of his neck. She crossed the room to pull him into a sweet kiss. 

“You’re the best Steve.” She told him softly. 

“Yeah, yeah, now get dressed. As much as this towel is distracting, we are on a schedule.” He told her, kissing her again before leaving the room. He busied himself in the kitchen making them each a cup of coffee to go, checking his text back from Bucky telling him to quit fretting. He got another message as Darcy came out of the bedroom, dressed in the typical birthday outfit. He had on his shirt as well, and because it was  _ her _ birthday, he wouldn’t complain. 

Widow:  _ Wheels up in ten. _

Steve looked at the text and sighed before he smiled at Darcy, handing her a cup of coffee as she came up to stand next to him at the counter and wrapped her arms around him from his side. His arm went around her as he handed her her coffee with the other. Leaning down to kiss her head before he grabbed his phone, tucking it into his pocket with his wallet and keys, before grabbing his own coffee. 

“Ready?” He asked her. 

“To go back to bed? Yes.” She mumbled. He chuckled under his breath. 

“Come on birthday girl. You’ll love this surprise, I promise. You can even go back to sleep on the way there if you want.” He told her before he stepped away from her. Grabbing her hand, he led her to the door, grabbing the bag, and ignoring Darcy’s raised eyebrow he opened the door and motioned for her to go ahead. With a smile he closed the door, before grabbing her hand and leading her to the roof. 

“Where are we going Steve?” She asked as they walked out onto the landing pad, ramp for the Quinjet still lowered and waiting for them. 

“I told you, it’s a surprise.” 

“Please be a romantic getaway.” She mumbled, closing her eyes. He chuckled but filed the information away for later. 

“Bout time you showed up birthday girl.” Bucky said as they made it inside the plane. He wrapped Darcy up in his arms and squeezed her tightly. 

“You spill my coffee James Buchanan Barnes and I will murder you in your sleep. Not even your scary girlfriend will save you.” She told him, even though she returned the embrace just as firmly. 

“I’ll let her in and pour wine!” Natasha called back from the cockpit.

“Traitor.” Bucky called over his shoulder toward her. 

“You love me.” Steve shook his head as he stowed their bag next to the ones Bucky and Nathasha had previously stashed. 

“Yeah yeah Natalia.” Bucky’s playful irritation was coupled with a fond exasperation, and it reminded Steve of the Bucky he’d known forever.

“We all set?” He asked, poking his head into the cockpit to ask Natasha. 

“We are. She got a clue yet?” 

“She’s barely awake.” He told her with a fond smile. 

“Good.”

Steve turned back around to see the light way his best friend and his best girl were teasing each other as he convinced her to sit down and get comfortable for take off. The ramp pulled up and Steve found his own seat, wondering how he got so lucky. 

“So anyone wanna tell me how long we are on this plane for our double date romantic getaway?” Darcy asked about an hour into the flight. 

“Stop calling it that Doll. I already told you that’s not what it is.” Bucky told her with a smile. 

“I’m choosing to believe you are wrong sir. I saw the bags. I know what I’m talking about.” She mumbled, leaning her head over onto Steve’s shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her and smiled fondly down at her. 

“Not a romantic getaway sweetheart, but I’ll keep that information for later.” Steve told her, kissing her forehead.

“No romantic getaway?” Darcy pouted up at him. 

“Not this time.” 

“Darn. We should do that though. A couple’s trip.” Darcy closed her eyes. Bucky looked at Steve over her head.

“We could. That could be fun.” 

“It would.” Steve agreed, pulling Darcy closer as she closed her eyes. 

“Wake up Doll, we’re here.” Steve gently rubbed Darcy’s shoulder to wake her up. She’d slept the rest of the trip to Malibu. Natasha put the plane down on the lawn of Tony’s house, letting down the ramp when she could.

“Where are we?” Darcy asked sitting up, pulling the blanket that had been draped over her off of her shoulders. 

“Come find out.” Steve told her with a smile. Darcy smiled. “Although, you might want these.” He added, handing her a pair of sunglasses after she’d stood up. She cocked her head to the side, staring at him inquisitively as she slowly took them and put them on. Steve put his own pair on before taking her hand and leading her down the ramp, Bucky and Natasha behind them. 

“The beach?” Darcy questioned. 

“Yup. In Malibu. Tony’s place.” 

“Awesome. It IS a romantic couple’s trip.” Steve chuckled. 

“Come on.” He told her fondly, starting to walk down the path next to the house, the one that led down to the beach. 

“Happy birthday!” Everyone shouted when they’d rounded the corner. Darcy looked on surprised, she looked up at Steve. 

“Surprise?” 

“How did, how did they beat us here?” 

“Everyone has been filtering out here over the last two days.” Steve told her with a smile. 

“You did this?” 

“No, Natasha did this. But it was my idea.” Steve smiled down at her. 

“You’re the best.” She told him before reaching up on her tip-toes to kiss him softly. 

“Gross.” Bucky said as he and Natasha walked by. Darcy didn’t say anything, just flipped him off. Darcy pulled back and smiled at him once more, before letting go of his hands and walking down the hill towards their friends. 

“You ready to be a pirate?” Steve whispered in Darcy’s ear an hour later, his arms wrapped around her from behind. 

“What?” She turned sideways to look up at him. 

“You said you wanted to be a pirate. So, that’s what this is all about. You get to be a pirate.” 

“Where’s the rum?”

“Over there.” Steve nodded in the direction of the outdoor bar Tony had set up. Bruce was currently behind it, making Nathasha something to drink. 

“Okay, so how exactly do I get to be a pirate?” 

“Great question Short Stack.” Tony interrupted getting everyone’s attention. “So here’s how it’s going to work. Two teams. Four boats. There are water guns and water balloons galore inside each boat. See the flags?” Everyone nodded. The flags in question were Jolly Roger flags, two with the traditional colors, the second set were just reversed colors, instead of black with a white emblem, they were white with a black emblem. “Each team has two extra flags on each boat. The object is to capture as many ships as possible, using whatever means necessary. May I remind our assassins that this is a FRIENDLY game. Mistress Lewis, you get to pick teams.” Tony looked over at Darcy. 

“Same teams as before?” she asked the group. 

“KILLER TOFU!” Natasha, Pepper, Jane, Laura, and Clint yelled. 

“What?” Tony looked so confused. 

“We have named our team, were you boys not smart enough to do so?” Darcy asked Tony with a smile. 

“That’s it Lewis. You’re going to lose.” Tony shot back. 

“But first! Shots!” Clint shouted, everyone gathered over near the bar, Bruce handing Jane a ‘shot’ of juice so she could participate, while Clint and Natasha handed shots of rum out to everyone else. 

“To the birthday girl!” Jane shouted. A cheer went up through the group as they clinked their glasses together and downed the shots. 

“Okay. Killer Tofu, strategy meeting!” Darcy yelled, before turning and kissing Steve quickly. “That’s the last nice thing you get from me until this is over. We will not be repeating the laser tag fiasco.” She told him with a grin. 

“Oh, you’re going down birthday girl.” Bucky told her, pulling Steve away. 

“Bring it on!” Darcy hollered after him, smiling at a chuckling Steve. “Janey, are you playing?” She asked turning to look at her best friend as she linked her arm with hers. 

“No, I think this is one the pregnant woman should sit out. Bruce and I are going to keep Erik company while he grills. Getting the food together while the rest of you act like giant five year olds.” Jane told her laughing. 

“Good idea.” 

An hour later, and thoroughly drenched, the two teams pulled themselves from the water and wandered their way back to the bar. The girls team for victory shots, and everyone else for regular shots. 

“What was that team name again Tony?” Darcy asked him with a smirk. 

“Titanium Kings sweetheart, and don’t you forget it.” He told her, handing her another shot. 

“Well, the Titanium Kings got smashed by Killer Tofu. So…” Darcy trailed off before lifting her shot to him and downing it. Steve wrapped an arm around her and accepted the glass of Mead from Bruce with a smile. 

“Brag all you want Doll, but I still think you cheated.” Bucky told her as he stepped up to grab his own glass from Bruce. 

“Keep thinking that.” Natasha grinned from under his arm. “Wouldn’t be the first time you were wrong.” She winked at Darcy before she pulled a sputtering Bucky away from her. 

“Wanna go change into dry clothes?” Steve asked her. 

“Did you bring us dry clothes?” She asked him. 

“Of course. I tried to plan ahead.” 

“Presents!” Jane yelled across the yard. Darcy smiled up at Steve. 

“Should we do that first?” 

“Up to you.” 

“Presents first, then dry shorts. Did you bring me an extra bathing suit?” 

“Of course beautiful.” Steve leaned down to capture her lips with his own before they trailed across the lawn to join their friends. 

“Mine first!” Declared Tony, handing her a red and gold wrapped box. 

“Fine.” Darcy said, handing her drink to Steve before she sat down and opened the box. Inside was a zip up hoodie made to look like his iron man suit, a shirt that said Iron Man on it and a pair of Iron Man shoes. Darcy laughed and hugged Tony. 

“Really Tony?” Steve asked, a pointed look on his face. 

“Well, you know how she likes to wear our merch. Thought I’d save her the trouble. She’s always wearing too much Cap and not enough me.” Tony grinned.

“Next prezzie!” Darcy demanded distracting them. Everyone laughed and she was handed another present. 

“Here, open ours.” Jane said, handing her a box, which was a little heavy. Darcy tore the paper off and found a beautifully carved jewelry box. 

“Jane, this is beautiful.” Darcy smiled at her. 

“It is from Asgard.” Thor told her proudly. 

“Thor it’s awesome.” 

“Open it.” Jane told her softly. Darcy opened the clasps on the front and lifted the lid. Nestled in the soft velvet inside were a number of beautiful pieces of jewelry. A rose gold set with earrings, bracelet, and necklace. A pair of silver drop earrings, and a set of rings that had planets and stars on them. Darcy started to tear up. 

“They’re beautiful Jane.” Darcy leaned over to hug her best friend. 

“We also had one other gift, but it’s more of a question.” Jane told her, taking Thor’s hand in her own. Darcy looked at them inquisitively. 

“Lady Darcy, my lightening sister, would you consent to be the baby’s godmother?” Thor asked her. Darcy shrieked in excitement. 

“Oh My God of course!” she told them, setting the box aside and launching herself at Jane for a tight hug. She kissed Jane’s cheek before letting her go and turning to Thor, throwing herself into his arms to hug him just as fiercely. Planting a kiss on his cheek she pulled away. Steve had sat down in her chair and pulled her into his lap. Wrapping an arm around her waist and placing a kiss to her temple. 

“Okay,” Darcy wiped the tears off of her face. “Who’s next?” 

“I’ll go.” Erik told her, handing her a bigger box. “Jane helped. I can’t take full credit.” He told her, smiling softly. Erik was like the best Dad figure she had ever had. Darcy opened up the gift, finding a Hufflepuff overnight bag with a variety of Hufflepuff gifts tucked inside it. She thanked him with a smile and a hug before resettling herself down on Steve’s lap. 

Laura and Clint’s gift was next, giving her a beautiful Hufflepuff purse, tshirt and a life bar necklace. Darcy loved them. Bruce got her a waffle iron that looked like a computer keyboard that she couldn’t wait to use. A black leather clutch purse with fringe was her gift from Natasha. Sam got her an Avenger’s themed Pajama short set. 

“Here you go Doll.” Bucky said, proudly handing over his own box, wrapped in beautiful black paper with red ribbon. When Darcy opened the box, she found an assortment of coffee mugs with cute sayings on them, as well as an assortment of coffee and coffee related gifts. “We all helped pick a mug. The other stuff is from me.” Darcy looked up at Bucky, who was standing next to them, taking his hand. 

“Thanks Buck. This is awesome.” She told him pulling him down to place a kiss on his cheek. 

“You’re welcome Doll.” Buck told her before taking the box and putting it back on the table. 

“Open mine.” Pepper told her with a soft smile. 

Darcy opened the box and found an assortment of pajamas. Some were satin, some came with robes, there was even a set of long cotton pajamas. Bucky started laughing when she held up the top to a particularly soft grey short set. She shot him a glare before she felt Steve’s legs shift underneath her. Turning to look at his face, she grinned upon seeing his reaction, before holding the tank up to block their faces. 

“You like?” She asked him softly. 

“You have no idea.” He whispered, leaning forward to place a gentle kiss to her lips. The tips of his ears were pink and she grinned again before she placed the camisole back into the box and replaced the top. “My gift is last.” He told her as he reached for the box that Natasha held out to him. 

“Ooh, yay.” She told him excitedly, shifting on his legs. His hand squeezed her hip to get her to stay put, not fully recovered from the idea of seeing Darcy in her new pajamas.

“Stop it.” He whispered, placing a kiss to the back of her neck. Darcy grinned triumphantly before taking the lid off of the box. She looked inside and started laughing. 

“Now I know why you hated Tony’s gift.” She told him laughing. Inside was a pair of blue shoes with the Captain America shield on them, a beautiful blue messenger bag with the same logo on the front, and a shirt. She pulled the shirt out and held it up. Emblazoned on the front were the words ‘Team Cap’ with the shield underneath. Everyone laughed. “Don’t worry babe,” She told him, turning in his arms. “I like your gift better.” She finished, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him soundly. 

“Birthday shots!” Tony declared a moment later. Darcy pulled back from Steve, pressing a barely there kiss to the tip of his nose before turning to look at Tony, who was already handing out the shots. 

“To the birthday girl.” Pepper declared, before everyone echoed her. 

“Now do you want to go change into something dry?” Steve asked Darcy, his lips dangerously close to her ear. 

“Yes.” Her response was barely more than a breath. She grabbed the box from Steve before standing up. “Okay, thank you all for the presents, but I need dry clothes before we eat. Pep, can I change in the house?” 

“Sure, I’ll show you to the guest room you guys are staying in.” Pepper said with a smile, standing also. 

“I’ll get our bag and meet you there.” Steve told her, standing up behind her and placing a kiss on the top of her head. 

“Anyone else want dry clothes?” Pepper asked the group at large. There were various responses, Bucky kissing Natasha’s head before hurrying after Steve to get their bags as well. 

Pepper led the group inside, pointing out guest rooms on her way. Darcy walked into the one Pepper indicated with a smile and a word of thanks back to her hostess. The room was white with beautiful dark blue accents, and the bed looked so comfortable, Darcy wasn’t sure what she’d expected of them, but it was obvious that Tony had had very little input into this guest room. Spinning around and taking in the warm feel of the room, Darcy smiled wide. This was the best birthday ever, and it wasn’t even half over yet. 

Steve came in a moment later, shutting the door behind him softly. Dropping their bag on the floor next to the bed, he pulled Darcy into his arms and kissed her properly. Darcy returned the affection full force, letting her lips fall open when he prompted and tangling with his. He tasted like the mead Thor had brought and something else that was uniquely him. In what seemed like one motion, Steve had picked her up and laid her down on the bed, which was every bit as soft as it had looked. 

“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” Steve said against her lips before moving down to nibble her neck while his hands slid her shirt up and over her head, taking her suit top with it. 

“Steve Rogers, are you attempting to seduce me?” She asked with a chuckle in the brief moments when his lips were not attached to her neck. 

“Attempting? No. Actively doing so? Yes.” He breathed the words against her skin, causing goosebumps to pop up on her arms. 

“Then you should be equally as naked.” She told him, pulling the back of his shirt up. He stepped back and pulled it all the way off before quickly shucking his shorts and boxers before helping her pull her own pants off. He settled over her once more. 

“You’re still wearing too much for this to be a proper seduction.” He spoke against the skin of her stomach, his fingers curling into the sides of her bathing suit bottoms. Darcy half hummed, half moaned out a response as Steve started pulling them down her legs, his lips following to settle at her hip to suck and nibble a dark mark into her skin. 

When they made it back outside, Darcy had dressed in her shorts, a black floral tankini bathing suit, and her flip flops. She had fixed her hair as best she could into a messy bun atop her head. Her sunglasses covered her eyes, and she hadn’t even attempted to hide the marks Steve had left on the nape of her neck. She wore them proudly. So far, they were her favorite birthday gift. Steve, for his part, followed along with her, hand gripped tightly with hers. He had put on a dry pair of red, white and blue swim trunks with a plain white tshirt and his own flip flops. His sunglasses and blue ballcap couldn’t detract from the big smile on his face however. 

“Hey! I’m not running a crash pad for sex!” Tony called out from his spot by the bar. Steve’s grin only got wider. “Besides you’re late, drink up.” He commanded, laying out three shots a piece for them both. Steve squeezed Darcy’s hand as they made their way over to the bar and with matching smiles, downed all three shots, one after the other. Bruce just smiled and handed them both fresh drinks, Rum and Coke for Darcy, and some more Mead for Steve. 

“Don’t be jealous Tony. You live here, you can have all the sex you want.” Darcy told him with a grin before she and Steve walked away to go join Jane and Thor who were standing by the water. 

“Tony, it’s her birthday, be nice. Besides, they’re so stupidly in love just let them be.” Pepper told him, wrapping an arm around him as they walked away. 

“I know. I just like to mess with them.” Tony smiled and kissed Pepper's cheek. 

“They are adorable though. I wonder who will pop the question first, Steve or Bucky.” Pepper commented, watching the other couple in question join the others at the shore. 

“Steve.” Bruce said. 

“Bucky already bought a ring.” Tony informed them. 

“What?” Pepper asked. 

“How do you know?” Tony smiled at his wife and friend. 

“He asked me to hide the ring in my lab. It’s the only place Natasha won’t find it.” 

“Foods ready!” Erik called from where he and Sam were standing at the grill.

Hours later, Steve and Darcy sat on the edge of the dock, watching the sunset. He had her wrapped in his arms as she leaned back against his chest, their feet dangling over the water. 

“Happy birthday Doll.” he told her, kissing her temple. 

“Thank you Steve. For everything. This has been an amazing birthday.” She told him. 

“I got you one more gift.” He told her, reaching into the pocket of the sweat jacket he’d thrown on when it started to get cooler. 

“Steve, you’ve already given me enough.” Darcy protested then stopped as he held the necklace in front of her. It was a small, white gold shield with small diamonds around the edge. 

“I meant what I said, I love it when you wear my colors.” He told her softly, whispering it almost into her ear. 

“Steve,” Darcy breathed, “It’s beautiful.” She reached out to touch it softly. “Will you put it on me?” Steve kissed her temple then promptly put the necklace around her neck and fastened it. He kissed the back of her neck before pulling her back against his chest. 

Once the sun was completely down, they wandered up towards where their friends were hanging out near the outdoor fire pit. Steve picked a chair between Bucky and Thor before pulling Darcy into his lap and accepting the beers Natasha handed them. They sat around until it was late, until the stars came out to play and everyone started yawning. 

“Alright birthday girl, let’s get you to bed.” Steve said softly into Darcy’s ear. She’d had her head pillowed on his shoulder for quite awhile and he was ready to get her inside. 

“Night Darcy. Night Steve.” 

“Happy birthday.” 

The friends that remained around the fire wished them a good night before Steve took her hand and walked her back toward the house. When they reached their room, Steve softly shut the door before pulling Darcy close to him again. 

“Let’s get you ready for bed.” He told her, unzipping her new jacket from Tony and letting it fall to the floor with a smirk on his face. 

“You don’t like my new jacket do you?” She asked smiling up at him, while her hands played with the edge of his shirt. 

“Sweetheart, I don’t care who’s colors you wear, not when you’re coming home with me.” His grin was small, but Darcy could feel the possession in his tone. 

“What about the days that I sleep at my place.” 

“Doesn’t matter, I’m still the only one allowed to do this.” His arms came around her waist and pulled her against him firmly, kissing her deeply. There was possession in every swipe of his tongue, in the grip of his hands on her hip, in her hair. “You are mine.” He whispered against her ear, before kissing the spot just behind her ear that drove her insane. 

Slowly, he peeled her bathing suit top off, before laying her back on the bed. He stood over her and pulled off his own jacket, then his shirt. Laying his hands on her knees, he moved them up her thighs to the top of her shorts. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss just above the button, before popping it open. As he slid his hands up her sides, he placed a trail of kisses up her torso from her belly button, up between her breasts, and then continuing up her neck until his lips met hers once again and he was hovering over her. Darcy was panting, the differences in sensation getting the best of her as she fisted her hands in the blankets, covered in goosebumps even as the heat from Steve’s body warmed her. 

Their kiss was languid, slow, and made everything better. Every move Steve made was measured and deliberate, and Darcy was overcome with emotion, overcome with the desires rising within her. Even after their clothes had been removed and Steve had pushed her to the brink twice before pulling her back to the edge of the bed, leaning down over her and beginning again, this time chasing his own release as well. Everything was slow, steady, and Darcy felt it. Not just physically, but the tightness in her chest that spoke of bigger emotion, emotion that she couldn’t express. Emotion that he had yet to put words to when he was coherent. 

Laying in his arms, under the blankets, feeling him run his fingers through her hair gently, Darcy allowed herself to drift. Listening to his breathing even out, his heart rate slow, she settled more into both him, and the soft mattress. Her head pillowed on his shoulder, an arm slung around him, and one leg thrown over his, she was content. She was happy. 

“Mine.” He whispered, kissing her temple as she drifted off to sleep. 


	6. Chapter Six

“Whatever Steve. I don’t have time for this.” Darcy scoffed before turning on her heels and walking out of the common room where they had been having lunch. She got in the elevator and headed back towards Jane’s lab. 

“How was lunch?” Jane asked brightly. It had been a week since her birthday party, and the bit of sun everyone had gotten was starting to fade. Even so, Jane still looked amazing. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Darcy grumbled. Jane turned and regarded her friend.

“What happened?” She asked seriously. 

“Jane, I really don’t want to talk about it.” 

“This is your ‘Peggy Paranoia’ again isn’t it?” She asked sitting down at the table with Darcy. 

“Jane.” Darcy’s voice was a warning. One it seemed Jane was going to ignore. 

“I thought you guys talked about that. Last time he got back.” 

“Yeah, well we didn’t.” 

“You said you guys argued.” 

“We did. We argued about him leaving without saying goodbye. The rest didn’t come up between all the sex we were having.” 

“Darcy.” Jane whined her name. “This isn’t going to get better until you talk to him.” 

“What if it’s not me Janey? What if I’m just not enough, not when compared to her?” Darcy hated how small her voice was. 

“Oh sweetie, trust me, you are enough.” Jane thought for a moment. “Or, I can have Thor spar with him and accidentally break him.” Jane finished grinning. Darcy laughed, pushing down the urge to cry. 

“I don’t think we need to bother the Big Guy with this.” She told her friend. “Now, what are you doing?” Jane smiled before launching into the newest thing she was trying to riddle out. Darcy leaned back and listened to the tiny scientist explain everything she was thinking. 

Later that afternoon, Darcy took a break and went searching for Steve. She found him in his apartment tossing the last of his toiletries in his bag. He hadn’t noticed her in the doorway of the bedroom, he was on the phone. 

“Okay.” he chuckled. “I’ll see you soon.” He listened for a moment then chuckled. The small smile on his face was one Darcy usually associated with herself. “It’s not my fault you refuse to come to New York.” Darcy heard a female voice laugh, she wasn’t close enough to recognize the voice, but immediately she wanted to cry. “Yeah, yeah, I miss you too. Yup. Sure. Okay. Bye.” Steve hung up, looking at his phone for a moment, the soft smile on his face more of a give away than anything he could have said. Darcy shifted away from the doorway, and he glanced up. The soft smile becoming a wide grin, before he reigned it in. 

“Friend of yours?” Darcy asked, her throat tight. 

“Darce-” He started.

“Don’t. Steve. Just don’t. Have fun in DC.” With that she turned and walked from the apartment. Ignoring Steve’s attempts to get her to stop. Once she was safely back in the elevator, she let the tears she’d been holding back fall. Her phone started ringing, glancing at it and realizing it was Steve, she ignored the call before putting her phone on Do Not Disturb mode. She wiped the few tears off of her cheeks and entered the bathroom outside of the lab. 

She washed her face and stared at herself in the bathroom until her face was no longer flushed, her eyes no longer red. She reapplied her lipstick armor and wandered back to the lab. 

“You just missed Steve. He came to say goodbye. He told me to tell you that he’d be back in a few days.” Jane told her without looking up. Darcy made a noncommittal noise but otherwise didn’t respond. She sat down at the table, put on her headphones and proceeded to go back to transcribing Jane’s notes into something coherent. 

It was late when she left the lab. She had skipped dinner and didn’t really feel up to seeing anyone so instead of looking for food up in one of the common rooms, she left the building to go home. When she got off of the subway, she headed for the bar she normally went to for a drink when Steve was gone. She ordered herself a couple of shots, a strong rum and coke, and some onion rings. Then she found a dark corner and sat herself in it. She downed the shots quickly and sipped at her drink. She knew it had been too good to be true. She had known that he didn’t love her, but this felt like so much of a betrayal that it hurt twice as bad. She thought over their whole relationship. Every couple of months, Steve would go down to DC for meetings. He and Rhodey were working on the ever changing Accords and as they were the official Avengers liaisons to congress, there were always meetings. Steve also reported on the Avenger missions to the council that oversaw them. Made official reports. He had told her that he hated it, it was all day of endless meetings. He had apparently lied. He was always so distant when he was there, sure he’d call, but their calls were always short and he was so tired. Or so he’d claimed. Now, she wasn’t sure. She started picking apart everything. Every little thing that she could possibly interpret differently, she did. 

When her onion rings came, she barely picked at them, ordering more shots and another drink. She stayed late, until she could barely think straight. She just got more angry, more hurt. The cut in her heart getting bigger. When more shots and another drink appeared at her table, she couldn’t even remember if she’d ordered it or not so she downed them quickly and drank her drink. Her head was swimming, she just wanted to go home and pass out. She laid some money down on the table, enough to cover her tab, grabbed her bag and her jacket and started walking home. She wasn’t sure what time it even was, just that it was late enough that the streets were empty, and cold. Like her bed. Like her heart. She heard footsteps behind her, but didn’t pay too much attention, trying to keep the tears at bay until she was home. Someone knocked into her from behind, almost knocking her over, someone else passing the opposite direction helped steady her. He asked if she was okay and before she could answer, she felt herself falling, but never felt herself hit the ground. Everything just went black. 

When Darcy awoke, her head hurt. The light was too bright. She struggled to sit up, holding her head in her hands and battling the roiling in her stomach. She listed to one side, and put a hand down to stabilize herself. The bed didn’t feel like her bed. It wasn’t soft, it felt like plastic. Carefully she pried her eyes open against the light. It took a moment. The room was so bright. 

Everything was white. 

The walls, the ceiling, the floors. Everything. And the light, the light was so bright that it hurt her eyes. She squinted as she tried to take in where she was. She tried to catalog everything. She was sitting on a mattress on the floor, covered in a plastic casing. She was barefoot, in white scrub type pants, and a white scrub top. She felt herself, she wasn’t wearing anything under the thin material. There was a toilet in the corner, and a drain in the center of the room, otherwise there was nothing. Not even a door. 

Her brain started tripping over itself, trying to form a coherent thought. She had a migraine already, but the panic was starting to claw up her throat. She could feel it. 

Where was she? 

What happened?

“Steve?” She whispered wrapping her arms around herself. The sound of her whisper echoed through the room and bounced back at her, making it worse. Making the panic sink into her like claws into her skin. 

She was alone. 

She was scared. 

And the last thing she’d ever said to Steve was horrible. 

She screamed. 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, thanks for sticking with it this far. So here's the thing... This chapter is.... well it's bad. Major T/W for abuse and molestation and things like that. If any of this bothers you, PLEASE DON'T READ IT! I'll include a summary at the bottom so I don't give anything away, but Darcy's been kidnapped. Of course it isn't good. Please read with caution.

Darcy wasn’t sure how long she screamed. She screamed for anyone to tell her why she was there. What they wanted. Anything. She screamed until her voice was hoarse, until her throat burned. Until she was delirious. She didn’t know how long she screamed into the void, just knew that every time she did, she felt more numb than the last time. She screamed until she cried. Pulling the braid from her hair so she could pull her fingers through her hair, a grounding pain, something to keep her in the present. 

She cried for Steve. She cried out for Thor. For Bucky. For Tony. 

No one came. 

No one responded. 

She cried until she’d cried every bit of moisture from her body. She was wrung out. She was tired. She was hungover. Her head was pounding. She still felt vaguely nauseous. She cried until she didn’t know anything anymore. She was numb. 

Then she started again. 

Scream. 

Cry. 

Repeat. 

Until all she could do was sit herself on the mattress in the too bright, too cold room, leaned back against the cold wall. Nothing to stop the cold from bleeding into her. Freezing her from the inside out. Nothing to bring her warmth. Not even the hope that her friends would find her. 

Eventually she heard a noise. Like an airlock releasing. Darcy stood up, waiting to face whoever it was. The room was still too bright. She doesn’t know how long she’d been here. She was hungry. She was thirsty. She wanted to go home. She wanted Steve to find her and hold her close. 

Two people came into the room through a door Darcy hadn’t even noticed was there. Dressed head to toe in white armor. Everywhere a sea of white. Even the helmets obscuring their faces were white. The light made them appear to glow. It didn’t matter she was tired, that she was wrung out. She brought her fists up, just like she’d been taught. She wouldn’t go down without a fight. Without a word, the first one swung out with a white baton and hit her hard in the side. She crumpled to the ground feeling like she’d been tased. The first grabbed her by her hair and wrenched her up to her knees. She cried out at the abuse, but the noise was a weak thing. They held her fast while the second pulled her arms up and around something vaguely wooden. She couldn’t tell. They secured her arms around it and tied her there, with her elbows bent back out behind her and her hands secured just under her armpits. Then they dropped her back to the floor and left the room, as silent as they’d entered. 

Darcy wasn’t sure she had any tears left to cry. She had been wrong. She had been so wrong. 

They left her for hours. Her shoulders burned, she was tired but couldn’t sleep, too uncomfortable. She’d lost feeling in her hands hours ago. She couldn’t tell how long it had been. There was no way to measure the passage of time. 

She sat there on her crappy plastic mattress, arms numb, crying without tears, and shivering from the cold. Her stomach hurt. She needed to pee. At some point she’d figured out the alcohol she’d ingested had to come out, but she couldn’t even use the toilet in the room. Her eyes had adjusted a bit more, and she’d finally seen the cameras in the corners. They were also white. She prayed to Thor, maybe that would work. She described where she was. She tried to count for a time. Tried to tap her toes. 

She wasn’t so exhausted that she hadn’t struggled to her feet when she heard the hiss of the door again. She was expecting the first to lash out with the electro-baton, she was not expecting the second one to hit her in the back, just above the board. Her muscles seized. She collapsed to the floor as she tried to remember how to breathe. Her head was wrenched back hard. When she cried out, a white cloth was shoved into her mouth and secured. As abruptly as she’d been grabbed, she was released. She didn’t have more than a breath to recover before they were burying her head into a hood and cinching it tight against her throat. Almost too tight but she could still swallow. The panic started to set in again.. She tried her best to struggle as they pulled and twisted on the board she had been lashed to. 

It did no good.

Her shoulders burned as they pulled her up by the board until she was standing, and then further still until she was resting on the balls of her feet. She got a few moments just hanging there trying to breathe through the pain before the first hit came. The electro-baton to the left side. A moment later on the right. They were working in tandem. The strikes were not precise, just aimed for her torso, no matter that she was twisting this way and that on whatever cord they’d strung her up on. Each movement caused more pain in her shoulders. They didn’t stop. They didn’t make a sound. The only thing Darcy could hear were her screams as she was beaten and shocked over and over again. They never stopped. Targeting her kidneys, her sides, anywhere they could. It was getting harder to breathe, not that she could catch her breath if she wanted to. 

It stopped as soon as it had begun. 

Darcy couldn’t figure out why, not until she felt the warmth running down her legs. As soon as they stopped, she felt her feet lower. As soon as she had her feet back firmly on the floor, she felt the pressure release from her shoulders and she fell. 

Darcy blacked out before she felt herself hit the ground. 

When she woke next, it was to the sensation of something warm. She couldn’t help it, she pressed her body toward the warmth that was traveling over her. It was a soft cloth, with warm water. She blinked open her eyes and tried to focus on what was happening. It took her a moment to realize she couldn’t see anything because the gag and hood were still firmly in place. She tried to catalog what she could feel after that. Her hands were tied in front of her, she could feel some sort of cloth over her hands, but they were at least in front of her this time, easing the ache in her shoulders. She also could feel every bit of the plastic sheeting under her, as well as the chill in the air. 

They washed her from the hood down, not missing a single spot, not even the more intimate areas. They were gentle, and it almost felt like the times Steve would wash her, almost reverent. 

The warm rag disappeared, but then she felt hands, warm, soft hands, rubbing something into her skin. Wherever they rubbed, the pain started to ease. She can’t tell if they are male or female, but she doesn’t much care. She’s too busy chasing the warmth, even though she knew she should pull away. She was still hungry. She was still thirsty, but at least for these few moments, she was sort of warm. She shut her eyes, as there is no point trying to see anything. She relaxed as much as she could as her body lost the edge of pain. She sort of drifts as they redress her, the cloth over her hands had apparently been a shirt. 

They left her there on the mattress and Darcy sort of drifted in and out of reality. She wasn’t sure how long she was there, the pain started coming back after a little while, and she felt weak from not eating. Her head was pounding again from dehydration she was sure. She couldn’t sleep, she hasn’t eaten, and she can’t talk. At some point she started crying again, but the tears just roll down her face and there was nothing she could do to stop them. 

She missed Steve. 

She missed Thor and Jane. 

She missed Bucky and Natasha. 

She wanted to go home. 

She wanted to apologize to Steve. Finally tell him she loved him.

She knew that they were trying to break her, but she was too weak to fight back anymore. 

It wasn’t until she was roughly yanked to her feet that she realized that she had been drifting again. It seemed to be the same as before, her hands secured high enough above her head that she couldn't reach the floor, save the balls of her feet. When she was secured, they pulled the hood off of her head and she blinked against the harsh light. They roughly removed the gag before lifting a bottle of water to her lips and forced her to take a drink. She tried to take a breath, but they grabbed her jaw and forced her to finish the bottle. What she couldn’t drink ran down her chin and onto the thin white cotton of her shirt making her shiver. When the first bottle was gone, she coughed and sputtered a moment until they lifted a second bottle to her lips and repeated the process. 

They made her drink until her stomach was distended and she begged them to stop. Then they replaced the gag and hood secured it a little tighter this time. 

Then nothing. 

Nothing but her hanging there for so long the time stretched out uncomfortably. Darcy felt nauseous. She got the hiccups and felt that she’d vomit around the gag. 

Then the beating started all over again. 

Darcy hadn’t even heard them come in. Just felt the first hit and the resulting pulse of electricity into her already weakened muscles caused her to cry out in surprise and pain. 

This time they weren’t concentrating on just her torso, although there were plenty of hits to her already full stomach and kidneys, this time they attacked her legs and thighs as well. One particularly rough shot to the inside of her thigh, where the baton caught for just a bit longer, causing her muscles to spasm, and she knew there would be a burn. 

Just like the last time, her attackers remained silent, the only sound she heard was her own screams of pain. The proof of her own weakness bounced off the walls and seemed to multiply. 

She drifted. Not too far. But enough that it felt like an out of body experience as she attempted not to choke on the vomit, a well placed shot upwards toward her stomach had caused. 

They stopped just as suddenly as they had last time. Darcy couldn’t take anymore. She was so tired. For the first time she contemplated what death would feel like. Probably as warm as the liquid running down her legs. 

Darcy didn’t wait for them to release her, she succumbed to the blackness willingly. Anything to stop the pain. 

She roused again, although it felt like the same out of body experience as before, when her arms were lifted off of whatever they’d been hooked up to. Her shoulders burned, but she welcomed it, it meant she was still alive. Still fighting. Even though she didn’t want to be. 

They laid her down on the mattress and untied her hands, deftly taking her top off, then her pants. She didn't fight them. She didn’t have the energy. If it was anything like the last time she was stripped, this meant a reprieve from the pain and a bit of warmth. 

Once she was naked, they pulled the hood off of her head, and the gag from her mouth. Darcy kept her eyes closed, she was so tired she didn’t think she’d be able to open them if she wanted to. Then they washed her hair. Scratching at her scalp like Steve would have done. She thought she might have made a happy humming noise but she wasn’t sure. 

She was being cleaned and the water was warm. Besides, after the warm water came the lotion that numbed the pain. She knew she must look horrible. Mottled bruises covering her by this point. Even though they’d been washing her, she knew she must still look disgusting. 

Would Steve still want her after this? He didn’t before, so why would he now?

She was jostled from that thought by the lotion they were putting on her skin. It relieved the minor ache. The surface ache of everything enough so that she could relax. As relaxed as she got in that place. 

The lotion was soothing. She started drifting again. She felt good. Whatever they were doing, made her feel so good, like she was on the edge of something big. She could feel the pull of it. Knew it would make her fly. She wanted to fly. Fly away. She wanted to squirm, but didn’t have the energy to move. She felt like she was pulled as tight as a bow string. Then finally, she was flying, and a small moan passed her lips as she let herself drift and felt her body relax further. 

When she finally came back to herself enough to take in her surroundings, she realized they’d rebraided her hair, this time in two braids down her back. She couldn’t take them out, her hands had been bound behind her back. Darcy let out a sigh, resigned to the next step in this game they were playing with her. She let herself drift again. 

They hit her to wake her this time. Hard, on the inner thigh, letting the baton stay so the electricity would wake up her nerves. She felt the burn, even through her pants. This one higher than the last had been. Closer to where her thighs met. Sensitive. The guard rubbed the baton upwards before pulling it back. Letting the shocks continue into her most sensitive places. Her breath caught between wanting to feel the stimulation again and crying out at the pain. What was happening to her? Why would she want it back?

They pulled her up, hitting her on the back again until she bent forward on her knees. They untied her hands, but just as quickly she was back attached to the board they’d tied her to originally. One of them grabbed her chin and forced her to look up, look at his mask. He tapped his baton below her chin, but it didn’t shock her this time, before he unceremoniously let her drop back to the floor. She stayed crumpled there, knees digging into the hard floor. They left then and she couldn’t even manage the energy it would take to try and see beyond the door. 

When they came back, she was delirious. She couldn’t see straight. The hunger pains in her stomach, and the headache from not sleeping was what was going to kill her. She was sure of it. Her shoulders burned constantly now. It was the only reminder that she was still alive. 

She attempted to stand when she saw them draw near. She knew she would be forced to anyway, why invite more pain. They let her stand on her own, and she stood there, compliant as they hooked her to the ceiling once more. When they raised her up to her toes, she looked at the guard in front of her. Eyeing the water bottle, she opened her mouth and began to drink. She was so thirsty. She drank all of it that she could. All three bottles. She didn’t stop, knowing if she did they’d just hit her again and force it down her throat. 

Once she’d swallowed the last of it, she opened her mouth for the gag, she knew where this was going and she’d lost the strength to fight them. She bit down on the gag as it was placed in her mouth. Holding her head straight for them to place the hood over her head. She tried to maintain eye contact with where she thought their eyes would be, but she was just too tired. When the hood was cinched around her neck, a little tighter than the last time, she sagged. Knowing what came next. Not even bothering to brace for the first hit, just letting it happen. 

Just like every other time so far, they stopped as soon as she felt the warmth run down her legs. At this point she wondered what her bladder had left to void. She could smell nothing but the acidic smell of vomit. But she felt the release of tension as her knees collided with the floor hard. She fell to the side and hit her head on the floor as well. Welcoming the blackness that took her. 

She woke to the soft cloth on her skin again. She didn’t even care anymore. She briefly wondered if she’d get to fly again, but instead she listened to the soft sound of the water in the bowl. Let the fingers against her scalp ease the stress there. Let the feeling of her hair being brushed and braided ease her into that happy floaty place she liked so much. The place where the pain wasn’t so bad. The only place where everything felt okay. The only reason she still hoped.

The lotion on her skin made her tingle, and the first sensations that came from flying came again. This time there was a bit of pressure, on her chest and down below, and there was a part of her mind that knew this was wrong, but she didn’t care. She wanted to fly, it made everything feel better. Pushed everything else away. She wanted to be away. She wanted to be back safe with Steve. Finally, finally she was flying and the slight smell on her skin made her feel like she was home. 

The feeling couldn’t last. Even though it had lasted almost the whole time until they came again. 

It continued in this cycle. She wasn’t sure how far apart. 

Sometimes she’d be forced water before they beat her until she lost control of her body. But it didn’t take as long anymore. She was starting to understand, the pain stopped when she let go of control of everything she had left.

Then they would come and make her feel safe and warm. Cherished. Like she was important. Warm, numb, and flying. She had started to crave the feeling. 

The next time she flew, she thought she’d heard words whispered in the wind. She must be imagining things now. She hadn’t heard anything but her own voice for too long. She was breaking, whether she wanted to or not. She didn’t care, as long as she got to fly. As long as she could have a few moments of warmth.

When they come back for the pain portion of her time, she found they weren’t quite so bad, or she was getting too used to it, which should scare her, but she couldn’t quite have the ability to care. This time, there wasn’t so much electricity as there had been before, but for what seemed like too long, there had been a baton between her legs, holding her up just a little higher. Trying to make sense of the feeling wasn't easy. Eventually she’d just given over to whatever feelings they were trying to elicit. They’d always let her fall after she let go. So she let go. 

When she got the chance to fly again, complete with the same pressure as before, she heard the same words she thought she’d heard the last time. Part of her mind knew she should be terrified at what those words meant. The sensible all there part of her brain wanted her to fight, to fight hard to get home. But the exhausted part, the broken part, didn’t have the energy to care. She was just happy to have warmth, no matter how temporary.. They gave her more directions but she didn’t hear, just agreed as long as she got to fly. Flying meant warmth. It meant numbness.

They come again, this time without having to endure the pain. It was just the lotion that took the pain away. But she was okay with it. She got to fly again. If she didn’t fight, she got to fly. She wanted to fly. Fly away. That time, they wanted her to say the words. Say what they say. They let her fly, but she couldn’t get the words out. They told her it was okay. She could try again. They let her fly again. She remembered that time, when she flew she felt the words pass her own lips. She knows she should be horrified, but if she didn’t have to deal with the pain and can just fly, why did it matter? No one was coming to save her anyway.

Afterwards, they propped her up, and gave her a few little sips of tea and a couple of cookies. They warned her not to eat too quickly, and she listened. She doesn’t protest. If she could fly and have some sort of comfort, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to do what they asked. No one was coming for her anyway. Not anymore. She’d been gone too long. They didn’t need her. Steve had probably been relieved she was gone. She was given a soft sleep shirt that didn’t scratch at her burns or pinch at bruises. She felt soft, and it was a little bit warmer. Then they left her to rest on her mattress. Her hands were unbound. Her face was uncovered. For the first time in what feels like weeks she felt comfortable. 

They tied her to the board again, but didn't hang her up. Instead she knelt on the floor. The electricity is gone. But whatever they used to beat her cuts. It cut across her back, on her thighs, on her backside. When she listed forward, intent to fall on her face, let them have their way, the guard standing in front of her, who has done nothing but stand there, even though she can feel his stare, shoved his baton between her legs again, holding her up as he had done before. 

Despite the pain, she eventually felt like she was going to fly. The feeling was confusing. She fought it, but eventually she surrendered. They pulled back when she started to fly. The guard in front of her demands she thank him, so she does. No thought necessary. She didn’t care anymore. She could fly. They told her to stay. So she did, even if the floor hurt her knees. She stayed for what felt like hours. 

They tell her she’d done well. Then they issue a challenge, one that she wanted to rise to. So badly, even though she knew she shouldn’t. It promised the chance to fly, repeatedly, and more tea and cookies. She was so hungry. All she had to do was say the words and fly. 

She sat and nibbled her three small cookies as the tears fell freely down her face. She couldn’t remember why she was crying. They were full of praise for her. She’d started to forget the pain. It didn’t come so often anymore. The room didn’t seem so bright. She’d started to feel content there. Part of her brain was screaming at her that there were scientific words for what she was feeling.. That none of it was okay. But that part was quieter than the pain, so she ignored it. No one loved her enough to come get her. So maybe earning cookies wasn’t a bad way to live out her life. However short it was going to be. 

So she sat there and let herself enjoy whatever creature comforts they would give her while they sewed a piece of cloth around her neck. They seemed to think it was important, and a sort of reward for her. She couldn’t see how, but she let it happen all the same. What was the use in fighting? Besides, the fabric was soft against her skin. 

This time the cane wasn’t so sharp. Either they couldn’t damage her anymore or she was so out of it she just couldn’t feel it. Even when she flew, it didn’t feel like she was connected to her mind completely. She was separate. These things were happening, and she started to see them in stark reality. She wasn’t flying, she was being assaulted. Assaulted, and she was thanking them for it. She wanted it. She was outside her body. She was disconnected. Like it was happening to someone else. 

When they promised a reward, and put her back in the hood, this time without the gag, she knew. She knew what the next step was. She was angry with herself for going down so quickly. She was doing everything she'd been trained by them to do, and she hated herself for it. Hated it from the part of her brain where she lived now. It was like she was a separate entity. Was this how Bucky had felt? Trapped, but able to carry out any instruction given? Why couldn’t she go back? Back to the haze. Back to the weightlessness that was before? Maybe she really was dying, and this was her punishment for giving in so easily, she had to really understand what was happening before she did. 

She closed her eyes. 

Hopefully it would all be over soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summary: Okay, so here's the deal. Darcy's been kidnapped. It's not good. There's a lot of sensory deprivation and abuse. Basically they just beat the hell out of her repeatedly and intermingle it with someone coming in with light touches and kindness. They don't feed her, but they force her to drink a craptastic ton of water. Essentially, it's bad but it's about to get worse. Darcy hasn't really slept or anything for almost three days, so she's extremely delirious. She thinks no one is coming for her, so she kind of gives in. Doesn't break so much as gives in. It's not fun. The people that have kidnapped her promise her a big reward because she's been being so "good" and Darcy figures she might as well get it over with. That's where the chapter ends.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO this is the aftermath of what happened in the last chapter. You still see a bit of it at the beginning, but only from Bucky's perspective. So remember that. I don't think there are going to be any more T/W but she does spend time in the hospital. So....again. Read with caution.

Bucky sunk to his knee, taking in the scene in front of him. Before anyone else could react, he had a bullet in every head. Every head save for Darcy, who was screaming. The noise was probably very loud and startling for her. Carefully he set his gun on the floor and walked over to her. She couldn’t see him, but it had been obvious what was happening. 

“Shhh Doll, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you Darcy.” he told her gently as he pulled her over to sit on the mattress on the floor. The first thing was to get her arms unbound from the board. He also needed to keep his anger in check, it wouldn’t do any good to hurt her anymore then she had been. 

“Buck.” He heard Natasha enter the room behind him, he didn’t hear her walk over to him, then her hand was on his shoulder, leaning down to look at their friend. 

“It’s bad Nat.” He told her in Russian, so Darcy wouldn’t hear.

“I can see that.” She answered the same way, before moving to place her hand on Darcy’s shoulder. “Shh, it’s okay Darce. We’re here. Buck and I have you. They can’t hurt you anymore.” She told her soothingly in English while she worked to undo the tie on the bag over her head. She pulled it off of her and froze, eyes going wide.

Bucky looked up when she gasped. Then he saw it. The thin white strip of cotton around her neck. He knew that. He knew what that meant. He looked up at Natasha, and saw the same recognition and fire mirrored back in her own eyes. Deftly, without Darcy seeing, Natasha reached out and sliced through the ribbon, letting it fall down to the bed. 

“Did you find her?” Thor’s voice asked from the doorway. Bucky looked back at Darcy, she wouldn’t make eye contact with him. 

“Yes.” His voice was angry, the violence barely controlled as he got the last of the ropes off of his friend. Natasha pulled her arms forward as Bucky threw the board as far away from them as he could. He heard it hit the wall and echo in the small space. Darcy flinched. “Sorry Doll.” he murmured, pulling her hands forward and rubbing feeling back into her hands. No telling how long she’d been like that. 

Darcy raised a finger and laid it over his Metal hand before she dared a glance up at him. He tried for a reassuring smile, but knew he’d missed it by a mile. 

“Hey Doll.” He murmured to her instead. Before he could even anticipate she’d thrown her arms around him and buried herself against his shoulder. He shared a look over her shoulder with Natasha before turning to look at Thor. 

“Buck. Buck.” She kept repeating his name over and over in his ear, like a mantra. Trying to convince herself he was real. 

“Yeah Doll. I got you. Can you stand?” She didn’t respond so he slowly pulled her up, aided by Natasha, to stand on her feet. They saw the extent of the bruising on her legs then and Bucky’s eyes flashed dangerously. “I’m gonna lift you up Darcy, and carry you over to Thor, is that okay?” She didn’t answer but made sure he was slow and deliberate with his actions. Natasha slipped out of the room briefly and came back with a pair of soft pants to cover her legs. Bucky helped her into them and then he walked her over to where Thor was waiting in the doorway, in case anyone else came. 

“Take her outside Thor. Meet us at the jet. We’ll be there momentarily.” Natasha told him as she reached him. Her voice was cold, detached. 

“She might pass out, she might not. But tell her what you are doing before you do it. And try to keep your voice quiet.” Bucky advised him before turning to place a kiss on Darcy’s temple. “Okay Doll, I love you, but I’m gonna give you to Thor okay. He’s going to get you out of here. Get you a blanket okay?” She didn’t answer, but Bucky hadn’t really expected her to. Once she was safely tucked against Thor’s chest, he nodded and watched Thor take her away. Turning to Natasha, he swallowed hard. 

“How many people Natasha?” 

“Doesn’t matter. I killed all I came in contact with.” 

“Then let’s raze it.” 

“I wiped her files already too.” 

“Perfect.” 

“You know what this is right?” Natasha asked looking back at the room. 

“Hydra’s breeding program. I am intimately familiar with it.” He could feel the bile in the back of his throat. Natasha placed a hand on his cheek. 

“You’re here with me James. Not theirs. Mine.” She told him firmly. He used her words to ground himself back in the present. 

“As you’re mine.”

“Then let’s send them a message, that you don’t fuck with one of ours and get away with it.” 

Bucky didn’t respond, just picked up his discarded gun and followed behind Natasha. 

Bucky and Natasha came running up the ramp quickly shouting for Thor to get ready to move. Natasha jumped in the driver’s seat and had them off the ground as the building exploded behind them. Bucky sat down on the floor next to where Thor had laid Darcy down on the stretcher before securing her loosely and covering her with his cape. He took her hand in his own and felt her loosely squeeze it. 

“Is this a dream?” She asked softly, her voice hoarse. 

“No Doll. I’m here. I’ve got you.” 

“Steve?” She tried to look around but couldn’t lift her head. 

“Just sleep, he’ll be here when you wake up.”

She shook her head minutely. “He’s mad.”

“No Doll. He isn’t mad at you. Now rest. I’ll keep you safe.” She stared at him again for a moment before closing her eyes. He rubbed her hand with his thumb until she was finally asleep. Then he got up and joined Thor where he was standing by the cockpit. 

“I’ve alerted medical. They’re waiting on the roof. Ten minutes.” Natasha told him when he approached. Bucky didn’t answer, just nodded. 

“How bad is this?” Thor asked cautiously. 

“It’s bad. From what I know of the operation, it’s mostly psychological, but the program is designed to break a person in a small amount of hours. I don’t know how bad it is, but it’s not good.” Bucky’s voice was harried. 

“Are you Sergeant Barnes?” Thor was looking at him. Bucky wiped his flesh hand down over his face and minutely adjusted his metal one. 

“Not really. But I’ll be fine. I’ll call my therapist tomorrow, but for now my main priority is her.” Thor and Bucky looked back at Darcy. She was curled into a ball under his cape. They were silent. 

“Should we call Steve?” Natasha asked softly as the Tower came into view.

“Let’s get her settled first, then I’ll call him.” Bucky told her firmly, before going back over to get ready to move Darcy. 

As soon as the ramp was down, he carried Darcy down and placed her on the waiting stretcher. He let the doctors fuss over her, but pulled aside one of the nurses that he knew was in charge. 

“Listen.” He told her as they followed behind Darcy toward the elevators. “Anyone you have in her room needs to be wearing color. Any color except white. And no masks. If you need to mask up, get some of the clear ones. Awake or not, tell her what you’re doing before you do it. Keep the lights dimmed, not on full blast, and keep the noise soft, but not completely quiet.” They piled into the second elevator and the nurse hit the button for the Medical floor. 

“Okay Sergeant Barnes. Any idea what we’re looking at?” 

“Physical abuse, I’m not sure of the extent, but there’s a significant amount of bruising on her legs. A couple of burns I think. She probably hasn’t been properly fed or hydrated. And check for sexual abuse, I’m not sure how bad it will be, I think we got there in time, but I don’t know.” His voice was strained, and tight the longer he talked. The nurse stopped and kept him in place with a gentle hand on his metal arm. He looked down at her, the question on his face. 

“Sergeant Barnes, you did a good job. She’s home now. You brought her home. It’s going to be okay now. Probably a lot of work, but it will be okay now.” She smiled up at him. 

“Thank you.” 

“Now, why don’t you go change into something more comfortable then meet us downstairs. She’ll be okay until then. I promise.” Bucky sighed. 

“Ten minutes.” The nurse didn’t argue, just nodded. 

“See you then. Meanwhile, I’ll put your orders in place.” 

She walked away down the hall and Bucky hit the button for his own floor. He leaned back against the wall of the elevator and breathed out heavily. Exiting the elevator, he quickly entered his apartment. 

“I put clothes on the bed for you. The shower is running, grab a quick rinse James.” Natasha was already changed into a pair of comfortable black pants and one of his shirts. 

“Nat-” She raised a brow at him. 

“Do not argue with me. Quick rinse. See you in ten. I’ll meet you downstairs.” She told him, laying a hand against his chest. 

“I love you Natalia.” 

“I love you too. And call Steve.” Bucky nodded as she walked briskly toward the door. For the first time in days, he felt a slight smile grace his lips. He couldn’t wait to marry her, he just had to figure out when to ask her. 

True to his word, in less than ten minutes, he was back in the elevator on his way down to medical. He was dressed in a loose pair of sweatpants and a bright blue shirt that Darcy had bought him. He had his phone in his hand, staring at it. He pulled up Steve’s phone number before taking a deep breath and pushing the button. 

“Buck.” Steve sounded a bit frantic. 

“We got her.” Was all he could say. 

“Where are you?” 

“Tower Medical. Meet us there.” 

“How,” Steve stopped and Bucky could hear him trying to keep his emotions in check. “How is she?” 

“She’s sleeping right now. Don’t worry Steve. Breathe. We got her buddy.” 

“I’ll be there soon.” 

“I’ll be here.” Bucky lowered the phone, ready to end the call. 

“Buck!” Steve’s voice had him bringing the phone back up. 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you.” Steve’s voice was small. Bucky sighed. 

“She thinks you’re mad at her.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t know Steve, it’s just what she said before she went to sleep.”

“Why would I be mad at her?” 

“Again, I don’t know.” Steve groaned. 

“We had a stupid fight before I left.” 

“About what?” 

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Bucky was quiet a moment. 

“Til the end of the line right?” 

“Til the end of the line.” 

“That includes our girls Steve. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you or Darcy.” 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

“Just get here safe Punk.” He did hang up this time. The elevator opened and he walked in search of Darcy. He found her settled into a room, an IV already hooked up, and there were still a few nurses flitting around. He noticed the quilt off of his and Natasha’s couch covered her instead of the standard hospital blanket. 

“The blankets here are white.” Natasha said as a way of explanation. He hadn’t even noticed her grab it. He just nodded at her before he walked over and wrapped his arms around her. 

“ _ Sergeant Barnes, _ ” FRIDAY, Stark’s AI spoke softly, startling him from where he’d been sitting holding Darcy’s hand. 

“Yes FRIDAY?” He asked, glancing up at the ceiling. 

“ _ Captain Rogers is in the elevator headed up to Medical now. _ ”

“Thank you FRIDAY.” Bucky looked at Natasha before they both stood up and went to wait for him in the hall. 

Steve barreled off the elevator looking like a man crazed. He didn’t look anything like his usual self. 

“Buck! Where is she?” He asked, grabbing Bucky by the shoulders. 

“She’s in there.” Steve barely let him finish before he started toward the door. Bucky stopped him by grabbing his arms. “Steve.” he turned back and looked at him. 

“You can’t go in there yet Rogers.” Natasha told him. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You have to change.” Steve looked down at his shirt and back up at them. 

“We don’t have time for this.” 

“Steve.” Bucky put some weight behind his words, making Steve stop and actually look at him. Natasha opened the door a crack and grabbed a bag before closing the door again.

“You can’t wear white Steve. You’re wearing a white shirt.” Steve looked down at his shirt again before looking up at Bucky. 

“Why can’t I wear white? What’s wrong with my shirt? Bucky, what’s going on? What happened?” Bucky sighed. 

“They kept her in an all white room Steve. The only color she saw for three days was white. Except for the brown of her hair and red.” 

“Red?” Steve questioned. 

“Blood.” Natasha said softly. Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

“So color. Any color but those. And no white.” Steve asked again. 

“I brought you clothes already.” Natasha handed him the bag and pointed to the bathroom across the way. 

“Then I can go in?” Steve asked softly. 

“Yes.” Bucky told him just as gently, pushing him toward the bathroom to change. 

When he came back out, he was wearing a pair of soft blue sweatpants with a light gray shirt. Natasha had chosen well for them all. Comfortable enough to wait in, soft enough that Darcy would appreciate them anyway. 

“Come on.” Bucky told him, taking the bag and opening the door to the hospital room. Steve let out a deep breath slowly before stepping into the dim room and making his way to the chair Bucky had pulled up next to her bed before. 

  
  


Steve sat and held Darcy’s hand. They’d been waiting for a couple of hours before Bucky and Natasha left to go back upstairs. He was grateful for the clothing Natasha had brought him. He was certainly more comfortable this way. He’d spoken to the nurses and the doctor earlier. She was going to be okay. Surprisingly nothing was broken, despite the extent of the bruising on her body. Almost all of her ribs were bruised, her shoulders were both sprained, but aside from being extremely sore, she would be okay. She was a bit malnourished, apparently she hadn’t been given anything to eat or drink while she’d been there. They were running fluids through her IV, along with some pain medication and an antibiotic as well. 

When the nurse had come in to report that she hadn’t been raped and they found no trace of sexual trauma, Steve had almost lost it. Bucky had had to hold him still. He can still feel the chill from the words Bucky told him when he’d asked what happened. He wouldn’t tell him everything, just that he had ‘taken care of it’, but the coldness in Bucky’s voice reminded him so much of the Soldier in that moment that he’d gone cold, then immediately felt a white hot rage. If it was bad enough for Bucky to react that way, it had to have been worse. It was enough that he was almost thankful that he hadn’t been there. Almost. 

He shook himself out of those thoughts and took a deep breath. He was here now. Where he should have been the whole time. He could unpack that anger later. He didn’t have time now. Now, he needed to focus on Darcy. She shifted slightly on the bed and groaned softly. Steve sat forward and placed his other hand over the one of hers he already held. 

“Shh, it’s okay baby. You’re safe.” Steve told her soothingly. She seemed to turn toward the sound of his voice so he leaned closer to her, pulling the chair closer to her head. “You awake sweetheart?” He asked, pushing the hair off of her forehead. She leaned into the touch a bit then froze, squeezing her eyes tighter. Steve didn’t remove his hand from her hair, but stopped playing with it. “It’s okay. It’s just me. Just me. You’re safe baby. You’re safe Doll.” He repeated, his voice soft. He wished she’d open her eyes. He started rubbing circles into her hand with his thumb until she calmed down and started to relax again. 

“Buck?” Her voice was barely above a whisper and it sounded like it hurt for her to talk. 

“He went home with Natasha. It’s just you and I Doll.” 

“Steve?” Her voice sounded hopeful as he watched her pry her eyes open to look at him. He smiled when her eyes finally met his. 

“Yeah baby, I’m here. I’m here.” 

“Steve.” Her voice sounded more relieved this time and he squeezed her hand when she tightened her grip on him. 

“Yeah.” He pulled her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles. 

“Steve.” She says more confidently before her eyes filled with tears and spilled over. He didn’t waste a moment, just climbed up on the bed and pulled her into his side to comfort her. She clung to him, grip tight, like he would disappear if she let go. 

“Shh, it’s okay baby. I’m not leaving unless you order me away.” 

She didn’t respond, just clung to him and cried. He held her as tight as he could without hurting her more than she already was. 

“I thought you’d left me.” She told him once she stopped crying so hard. 

“Never. You’re mine.” He told her seriously. “Remember?” He asked, kissing the top of her head softly. 

“Yeah.” Her voice is small. The frailness of her voice made him wish he could fix it immediately. If it was something he could fix with his shield, he would. But he can’t fix this. Not with more violence. So instead, he held her close until she fell back to sleep, feeling himself finally relax for the first time since he’d gotten the phone call. Eventually, he drifted off as well. 


	9. Chapter Nine

Darcy let herself into Steve’s apartment and hung her jacket on the hook by the door. She felt out of sorts, and slightly agitated. It wasn’t that unusual after her bi-weekly therapy session, but at least she had managed to go the entire appointment without crying this time. 

Wandering further into the apartment, she found Steve sitting on the couch sketching. He looked up at her when she drew nearer, his soft smile welcoming. 

“How was therapy?” He asked as she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. 

“Sucky.” She mumbled as he set his sketchbook aside and wrapped his arms around her. 

“I know. But I’m proud of you for going.” He told her softly. 

This had been the usual routine after therapy since she’d gotten released from the hospital a couple of weeks prior. She’d agreed that she needed to go. She’d agreed to everything they’d asked her to do. Logically, she knew it was the best idea. It had helped some already, she had the tools to calm herself when she had a panic attack or felt overwhelmed. Steve had helped. He’d stayed with her, either at his place or hers. Giving her space when she needed it, without going too far. He wasn’t hovering, just a constant presence to remind her that he was there. That his shoulders were good to cry on, or to help hold her up when she didn’t think she could. He’d been wonderful so far, but that day’s therapy session had brought up a few questions. 

She hadn’t remembered everything when she woke up. She remembered bits and pieces, but they were blurry, seen through another lens, like they’d happened to someone else besides herself. Physically she had been healing well, her bruises were starting to fade, but she still felt more comfortable in a pair of Steve’s sweat pants and one of Bucky’s old long sleeved shirts. It didn’t matter that both were big enough to drown her, she liked it better that way. Jane had bought her fuzzy socks, and she was never without them now. They kept her feet warm. 

Today she’d talked about her rescue with her therapist. She remembered more of it then the last time she’d talked about it. She remembered the fight she’d had with Steve before he left now as well. They’d talked about Steve a lot today, and she was really confused about her feelings. Her therapist had told her it was normal, since they hadn’t parted on good terms, in the middle of a fight. Then she’d clung to the idea that he would save her, that it had been one of the things that had helped save her mind through the three day ordeal. 

But Steve hadn’t saved her. 

He hadn’t been there. He was there when she woke up and hadn’t left her side since, but he hadn’t been there to save her. She didn’t understand why that bothered her so much. Logically, it made sense. He’d been in DC and they hadn’t known she was missing until the second day anyway. However, she still felt like Steve was hiding something. She didn’t know if that was the illogical part of her brain speaking up or not though so she’d dismissed it. Until her therapist made her take that baggage out and unpack it, so to speak. 

If they’d figured out she was missing the second day, why wasn’t Steve there to rescue her on the third?

Her therapist had encouraged her to talk to him about it. Ask him point blank what had happened. There was probably a logical reason, and if she asked him, he would probably tell her. She was afraid to upset the balance of things right now though. What if the reason she hadn’t said goodbye to him was the reason he hadn’t been there? What if he was simply sticking around because she needed him, but he didn’t want to be there. 

“I can hear you thinking, do you wanna talk about it?” He asked her after they’d sat there awhile. 

“No,” She moved her head more toward his shoulder so that she wasn’t so buried. “But we probably should.” 

“What did you talk about at therapy today?” His voice was soft when he turned to look at her. Darcy didn’t respond, just picked at the skin around one of her nails. Steve didn’t push, just waited her out. He knew eventually she’d open up, it just took a minute sometimes. Eventually she sat up and leaned against the arm of the couch, staying across his lap, his hands resting on her legs. 

“We talked about you.” Darcy’s voice was small, and she wasn’t sure where this conversation was going to go, but she had to see it through. Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly, tipping his head back to rest it on the back of the couch before he picked his head up and looked at her again. She felt him shift just a bit underneath her. 

“What about me?” The question wasn’t asked with any kind of edge, just soft curiosity.

“We talked about the fact that we were fighting before you left. That I prayed you’d come find me, but feared you wouldn’t care enough to. “ Steve squeezed her leg in comfort and encouragement. “And that you weren’t there when I was rescued.” She said the last part to her hands, voice small. 

“Which of those would you like to talk about first?” His response was patient, no judgement. Which made Darcy feel worse. Steve was good. She wasn’t, not anymore. 

“The first one, I guess.” She muttered. 

“Okay, so let’s talk about it. Do you wanna tell me what you were thinking that day, when you walked out? Or do you want me to tell you what I was thinking?” He was so kind and open, and it made Darcy feel worse for even doubting him. 

“You.” Her voice was smaller now than it had been, and she still couldn’t look up. 

“Okay. I was, well I was confused. You seemed aggravated with me all day, and I didn’t know what I had done. You didn’t want to say goodbye to me, wouldn’t let me explain. I don’t know what I would have explained, since I’m still not sure what I did, but I would have liked the opportunity. I tried to call, to text. You wouldn’t answer. So I gave you some space. I called you again the next morning, but your voicemail was all I got.” His voice was soft, soothing. He didn’t sound angry, just confused. “I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.” 

“I didn’t. Not that night.” Darcy agreed, shaking her head. 

“I got that.” HIs smile was small when he ducked his head trying to catch her eye. Didn’t mean I didn’t want to talk to you though.”

“So why didn’t you answer the next day when they tried to call you? When they figured out I was missing?” Steve blew out a breath. 

“My phone was on Airplane mode. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Or even that I was avoiding people, like Bucky seems to think. It’s just that I’d shut it off for the morning sessions, and by the time I got back to the hotel I was so tired I just made sure the alarm was set and fell asleep.” 

“That’s it?” 

“Yeah. I mean, I checked at lunch that first day to see if you’d responded. But I didn’t even think about it the second day. That session was brutal, and Sharon and I were talking about it as we were leaving and we had lunch and I just didn’t even think to check my phone.” Darcy’s head snapped up, eyes narrowed.

“So, you missed the calls that would have informed you I was missing, that I had been kidnapped, because you were having lunch with your ex-girlfriend and you didn’t even think about your phone?” Darcy could feel the old anger rising up, combined with all of the irrational anger she had, latching on to any excuse or outlet. 

“Darcy it wasn’t on purpose.” His voice was patient, but there was a slight edge to it. 

“What missing the call or the lunch?” She knew it was petty, that she needed to stop and take a break. This wasn’t going to help, but she couldn’t. The anger had taken over, finally grateful for a rational reason to be expressed.

“The lunch had been planned. Sharon and I usually have lunch for Peggy’s birthday every year. We just did it a day later this year since she was sitting in on the session and we knew our schedules would line up.” Steve looked at her, his face sharing the confusion in his voice, but the slight edge was still there. He sounded defensive. It was enough for Darcy to think there was more to it then what he was saying. Part of her knew it was her insecurities talking, but that part of her was small and drowned out in her head with all of the anger. 

“Right. So you just casually had lunch with your ex, making sure no one could reach you, in the middle of a fight with your girlfriend.” Darcy scoffed and climbed off of his lap to pace the room. 

“Darcy, I didn’t do anything wrong here. It was an accident.” Steve leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. The edge was still there, only now it was more pronounced. 

“Right.” Darcy blew out a breath. “You’re on the phone, talking about missing someone, that you wished they’d just move to New York, and then casually have a lunch, that you never bothered to mention until right now, with your ex, the great niece of the only woman you’ve ever loved, who you told me you only broke up with  _ because _ you were moving to New York. Right.” Steve hung his head and blew out a breath. 

“Are we really gonna fight about this?” He asked, a bit incredulous. 

“Apparently.” She snapped at him. 

“Fine.” Steve stood up and faced her. “ You got mad because you heard part of a conversation, and instead of asking who I was talking to, which by the way, it was Sharon. My  _ friend,  _ who was confirming our lunch. Which we had. Mad at me or not, that lunch would have happened.” 

“Right.” 

“Quit saying that.” Steve snapped at her. 

“Forget Darcy. She’s mad. Let’s tell my ex-girlfriend that I miss her. That I wish she was here, and then have lunch with her while my girlfriend is being tortured.” 

“That’s not it Darcy and you know it. Maybe if you hadn’t been so mad about nothing you wouldn’t have been kidnapped in the first place.” Darcy stopped pacing and faced him, jaw dropped and eyes wide. Steve looked just as surprised as she did. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“So this is MY fault?” She couldn’t help but yell. How dare he. 

“That’s not-” Steve tried, his voice softer.

“No, you’re right. If I wasn’t pissed at you I wouldn’t have gotten drunk. I would have just gone home. This is totally on me. You weren’t  _ there _ Steve. You weren’t  _ there _ to help them look. You weren’t  _ there _ to rescue me. But thank god you’d made it in time to save face. Don’t worry, go back to DC. I’ll be fine. It’s obvious you’d rather be  _ there,  _ and I don’t need you  _ here _ .” Darcy stalked to the door and shoved her feet into her shoes. 

“Darcy-” He tried again, following behind her. 

“Don’t worry Steve, I’ll be fine. Don’t trouble yourself.” She grabbed her jacket and pulled the door open, completely missing a startled Bucky and Natasha who were just passing their door.

“Darcy wait!” Steve called from the doorway as she stalked down the hallway toward the elevator. She didn’t look back, just jammed the button repeatedly, hoping the elevator would hurry up and appear.

“What’s going on?” Bucky’s voice shook Steve from his stupor.

“She’s pissed. I don’t know what just happened. We were talking about therapy and then she just snapped at me.” He said, making a move to follow her down the hall. Bucky stopped him, looked over at Natasha who nodded before following Darcy into the elevator. 

“Come on. Back inside. Talk to me.” Bucky told him, pushing Steve back into the apartment. He walked to the fridge and pulled two bottles of water out, handing one over to Steve. 

“I don’t know what happened.” He told him, rolling the bottle back and forth in his hands. 

“Start from the beginning.” 

“She said that they were talking about me at her therapy session today.” 

“Okay.” 

“She said she remembered that we had been fighting and she hadn’t said goodbye to me. That she hoped I would come save her, and that she remembered I wasn’t there to do so.” 

“We knew that was going to come up eventually.” 

“Yeah, we even talked about it. I don’t know. She just got really mad at me when I mentioned the lunch with Sharon.” 

“The Peggy lunch you guys have every year?” 

“Yeah, that one.” 

“Did she know about the lunch prior to today?” 

“Apparently not. I thought for sure I mentioned it, but she acted like it was new information. Sharon is just my friend.” 

“But Darcy knows she’s your ex, and she’s extremely vulnerable right now.” 

“She kept referring to the phone conversation she overheard the day I left. The one I told you about when she just walked out and then she hid so I couldn’t tell her good-bye.” 

“Yeah, I remember you mentioned you’d been on the phone with Sharon.” Bucky paused and took another drink. “Hold on, what did you say? On the phone I mean, I need more information cause it sounds like these two things could be connected.” 

“I don’t even remember.” Steve shook his head and leaned on the counter. 

“Yes you do, think.” 

“I don’t know when exactly Darcy came in, I was busy packing. But I know at the end of the conversation I was telling Sharon that I’d see her soon. She made the comment that she never saw me anymore and I told her something about it wouldn’t be that way if she didn’t refuse to come to New York. She said she’d missed me and couldn’t wait to see me, so I told her that I'd missed her too, then she told me to have a safe drive and we said goodbye.” 

“Okay. And you’ve already said that you hadn’t checked your phone because you and Sharon left the session talking and you didn’t even think about the fact that your phone wasn’t receiving any of our calls until the next morning, right?”

“Well, yeah. I told Darcy that. That it was an accident.” Bucky groaned. 

“You still are shit with Dolls man.” Steve just tilted his head curiously. “Think about what you said to Sharon, not what Sharon said, on the phone that day, just what  _ you _ said. If you heard Darcy talking to some guy, and you didn’t know who, and she was saying that stuff, what would you think?” Steve’s eyes darkened.

“Nothing good.” 

“Right. Now couple that with finding out that you didn’t find out she was missing until the day after we did because you were having lunch with the same dame. And that lunch with that dame, who may just be your friend right now, but is also an ex girlfriend on your very short list of exes, is why you weren’t her knight in shining armor.” Bucky stared at Steve until he hung his head. 

“I’m a shit.” 

“Yeah. But not on purpose. There has to be a reason that Darcy jumped to the conclusion she did that day, but we can get into that later. Right now you need to get over to her house and remind her that she’s the only person you want. She may have seemed mad, but she’s gonna break down eventually. And you need to be there when she does, or it will be a harder fight back then it already is.” 

“I yelled at her Buck.” 

“Well, you’re a shit.” 

“I basically told her it was her fault she was kidnapped.” Bucky shook his head. 

“Dammit Steve.” Bucky actually growled at him. “Was it my fault Hydra found me?” 

“No, Buck we talked about this.“ Bucky waved him off. 

“Is it her fault they found her?” 

“No.” Steve’s voice was loud in the apartment. 

“So, you need to fix that comment. You need to apologize. You need to fix it. Now. Before that thought has time to fester in her head. She’s already dealing with a lot. You’re pretty much the only thing getting her through as well as she is, and you can’t take that away from her.” 

“I don’t want to. I wasn’t trying to. I’m just so angry.” 

“At her?” 

“No, at myself mostly. I  _ should _ have been here. I  _ should _ have checked my phone.”

“Well, you weren’t and you didn’t.” Bucky’s voice was harsh. “But you are here now. Have been since before she woke up. Being patient and kind, even when I know she’s beat the hell out of your chest a couple of times during nightmares.” He continued in a softer tone. 

“Well, she hasn’t managed to throw me through a wall yet.” Bucky grinned. 

“Give her time.” He told him before looking down at his phone. “Now go, Nat says they just got to her place and Darcy is a wreck. She’s pretty sure she ruined everything and that you’ll never wanna see her again.” Steve groaned. 

“Going. Lock up.” He called back to Bucky as he headed for the door, grabbing his coat and his keys on his way out the door. 

By the time Steve shut the bike off in Darcy’s driveway, he could hear her yelling, and Natasha’s calm responses. He couldn't tell what they were saying, but he could hear enough. He sighed, hopped off his bike and walked up the stairs to her door. He knocked softly.

“Steve’s here.” Natasha’s voice cut into whatever rant Darcy was on. 

“No. No, no. He can’t be here Natasha. I can’t handle this right now.” 

“Yes you can. And you will. He’s not here to break up with you.”

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do actually.” Natasha pulled the door open and stared at him. “Are you here to break up with her Steve?” 

“What? No!” Steve was flabbergasted. He wasn’t expecting that. 

“See. Now talk it out you two. I’m going back home. I had plans.” Natasha hugged Darcy softly, then met Steve’s eyes as she passed him in the doorway. He’d seen that look before, and it was never good. He really fucked up. 

“Thanks Nat.” He told her as she passed. She patted his arm then was gone. 

Steve entered the apartment and sat his helmet and keys on the table. Darcy was standing in her bedroom area, arms wrapped around herself, steadily wearing a hole in her lip. Her eyes were wide and looking around quickly, too afraid to look at one thing or another for too long. 

“Hey.” Steve started, leaning against the arm of the couch facing her. He was back several feet and not in the way of where she would pace if she chose to. He was trying to be careful of making her feel cornered. “Can you just listen for a minute? Please? Without going off on me, or interrupting me?” Darcy nodded but still didn’t meet his eyes. He blew out a breath and crossed his arms across his chest. “I understand why you’re upset.” 

“Do you? Cause I’m not even sure I do.” Darcy’s voice was quiet. 

“I have a pretty good idea now that Bucky explained it to me. But before we get into that, I need to apologize.” Darcy finally met his eyes for a moment before looking away again. “I never,  _ never _ should have hinted, implied, or outright said that you were at fault for any part of what happened to you. That was not okay. It was wrong, and I’m sorry. I know it was irresponsible and hurtful. Yes, I’m mad, but not at you. Mostly I’m mad at myself. I should have been here. I should have stayed until we worked through whatever was the matter that day. I knew you were hiding, and I let you. I was upset, and I let it get the best of me. I should not have left for DC before we solved whatever was going on between us. 

“I shouldn’t have brought it up. In the chaos of everything that happened, I guess I forgot I hadn’t told you about my annual lunch date with Sharon. To be fair, I probably would have, but we were arguing a lot the couple of days before I left. I still should have told you. You have been amazing and understanding of everything when it comes to me, being away, my limited amount of friends, all of it. Never once have you complained about anyone, until now. I don’t know what changed, or why, but we can figure that out too. None of it, however, is any excuse for me to tell you it was your fault. It was NOT your fault. Not in the slightest. I’m sorry I made you feel like it was. 

“As far as Sharon goes, we are friends. Have been friends for years. That will not change. And I don’t want it to. I like her as a  _ friend. _ I already have you, why would I need anyone else? I’m sorry I wasn’t here to rescue you. I’m sorry that it happened the way that it did, but you have to believe that it was just an accident. No ulterior motive. No games. An accident. There is no where I would rather be, then with you.” Steve waited with bated breath, hoping she’d look up at him instead of the spot on the opposite wall that she’d been staring at while he talked. He waited for Darcy to speak. He would wait hours if that’s what it took. 

“Rationally, I know you didn’t mean it. But my brain is pretty far from rational right now Steve.” She swallowed hard. “I know I’m asking a lot of you. I know you’ve put yourself on temporary leave to help me. I know that you’re doing everything that you can. But rational and logic don’t have a place in my head most of the time right now. It’s just a big mess. It’s just as bad as the physical symptoms, but they aren’t healing as quickly. It’s a lot of static and white noise and irrationality. I need you to be patient with me. I’m going to yell. I’m going to say things to hurt you because I’m hurting and I can’t stop it. I don’t want to, but it’s going to happen again. I know it’s asking a lot of you to be here, to take the brunt of it, and it isn’t fair. I know that it isn’t. I need to know that you’re going to be patient with me, and try to help me with this mess in my head.” Darcy finally looked over at him. “If you can’t do that, for any reason, I need you to say so now. I won’t hold it against you, but I need to know that you’re going to be in my corner even when I don’t know what’s going on.” 

“I am  _ always _ in your corner. I am  _ always _ on your side. Like I told you, you are mine, and I am not leaving until you force me away.” Steve let every bit of emotion he was feeling seep through into his words. Darcy sagged a bit, blowing out a breath. 

“Good, cause I know it’s super selfish of me, but I don’t think I can do this by myself.”

“Darcy, you are not alone in this. All of us are here for you. I am here for you. I’m not saying I’m not going to do something dumb every so often, because I am, but no one could pull me way. Not even Thor.” Darcy started to nod, before he caught sight of her lip trembling. He stood and took a step toward her. Then another. He’d made it all of three steps before he had an armful of Darcy. He pulled her as close to him as possible as they sank down slowly to the floor. Once there, Steve pulled her into his lap and tucked her head into his neck. He held her there while she cried. 

He tried to come up with a plan. Something that would help, but for the first time in a long time, he didn’t know what to do. So he let her cry, and if he cried with her, no one had to know.


	10. Chapter Ten

Darcy’s life was finally settling back into a pattern again. After a month off, she was back to work, and she was glad. She was exhausted, but glad to finally be feeling like herself. She was still going to therapy twice a week, and on those days she took a half day. Steve had officially gone back to work when she did. So far, he hadn’t been called away, but he could be at any time. They had spent the last two weeks spending a few nights a week apart from one another, just so that when he left, it wouldn’t be the first time they weren’t together. She had done okay on her own the first night, but she hadn’t slept. The second time they’d done it, she’d done better. She still didn’t like it, and she felt strangely unmoored on nights they were apart, but at least she knew she could handle it if anything came up and he had to leave. 

Tonight was another night they were supposed to spend time away from each other, but they were going to have dinner first. So when Darcy finished up in the lab, she headed upstairs to Steve’s apartment. She had done her therapy homework that day and worn a skirt to work. An outfit she would have worn before. She had been mostly wearing loose clothing, something that wouldn’t draw attention. Jane hadn’t cared at all, she could input data naked as far as Jane was concerned, but Darcy had always felt a bit of pride when she looked the part she was getting paid for. It had been a little nerve racking, but Steve had assured her she looked great. She’d jumped right in with both feet and wore her favorite pencil skirt, with a cute top and a cardigan. She had made it through the day, but now, she just wanted out of it and back into the clothes that made her feel safe. 

“Yeah, no that would work. Yeah, thanks for the idea. I’ll have to talk to Tony and see what he thinks about-” Steve cut himself off when he caught sight of Darcy entering the kitchen. “I’ll call you back.” he said before abruptly ending the call and laying his phone on the island in front of him. Darcy raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment further. He’d been doing that a lot lately and she wanted to ask about it, but she was exhausted and it wasn’t a can of worms she wanted to open up right then.

“Hello Captain.” She said with a smile as she leaned up to give him a kiss hello. That had been another homework assignment from therapy, small acts of intimacy with Steve. When she’d first gotten back, she could sit with him, hug him, but anything more, she couldn’t handle. Especially if he was the one initiating it. 

“Hey Doll.” He said after they parted. His grin was a bit wider. “You’re getting better at that. It doesn’t feel like you’re forcing yourself quite as hard.” He told her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

“It’s starting to feel easier too. Which is good. I like kissing you.” She told him before kissing him again. After their fight, they’d both gone to her next therapy session so that they could come up with a way to talk about the difficult things without it causing an argument. So far, it was working about sixty percent of the time. For most of the rest of the time, Darcy was just biting her tongue and not speaking. Like his secret conversations that just end abruptly when she walks into the room. She hadn’t brought that up. She wasn’t even sure how to if she was being honest with herself. She put it on her mental list to ask her therapist about. 

“So what’s for dinner?” She asked, pulling away from him and grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge. 

“I ordered Chinese. I got your usual, okay?” He asked her as he took the proffered beer. 

“Yeah, it’s fine, I’m gonna go change.” She clinked her bottle to his and wandered away towards the bedroom. Steve smirked at her.

“Want some help?” Steve called after her before bringing the bottle to his lips for a drink. 

“You wish!” She called back as she entered the bedroom. That was the worst part about all of the recovery she was doing. She was actually doing okay, freakouts were at a minimum. They’d identified most of her triggers pretty quickly, and as such had been able to minimize them. They were going to start exposing her to some of them soon, one at a time, so she could learn to regulate her reactions. So, she was doing well considering it had only been a month. Still she couldn’t be intimate with Steve, even when she wanted to be. Sure, she was getting better at not stiffening up when he kissed her, or pulled her close to him, clearly with the intent for a different type of closeness, but they weren’t there yet. She wanted to be. She wanted to tell him she needed help with her clothes and spend the rest of the night eating chinese food in bed. She could feel the ache of wanting it, knew that he did too, but she just couldn’t force herself to do it. 

“I’m going to get the food,” Steve called to her before she heard the door open and close after him. She tossed her clothes into the hamper and pulled a pair of Steve’s sweat pants on. She grabbed one of his shirts out of his drawer and pulled it on before pulling her fuzzy socks on and wandering back out to the living room with her beer. By the time Steve had returned with their food, she had found something for them to watch on tv, and put her feet up on the couch getting comfortable. 

“Hungry?” He asked rounding the couch with a plate of food in each hand. 

“Yes. I swear Jane got nothing done while I was off.” Darcy told him taking the plate he held out to her. 

“According to Thor she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off most of the time. Even at home.”

“Yeah, she’s started nesting. Even in the lab. It’s so irritating. I can’t wait for her to have this baby so there will be some peace. Maybe I’ll catch up while she’s off.” Darcy told him with a laugh. “How was your day?” 

“Not too bad. Spent quite a bit of time on the phone with Rhodey. He wants me to head back to DC next week so we can get this one issue resolved, but I told him to handle it, and if he can’t I’ll send Sam.” 

“If you need to go finish the meetings and stuff you had to leave, I’ll be okay. I’ll probably just hang out with Jane and Thor. Or maybe the girls and I will have a slumber party.” 

“It’s fine. Sam offered to head down there and help Rhodey. Says he wants to swing by the VA and see some people there too. Visit some friends. Something like that.” 

“I’ll be okay if you wanna go though.” 

“I know. I’ll probably do the meetings next month, but I think right now, I’d rather be here with you. Don’t wanna push too far too fast, ya know. DC is still a bit of a hot button half the time either one of us mentions it.” 

“True.” Darcy shoved another bite of food in her mouth. 

“Besides, I hate doing that stuff.” 

“So why do it?” 

“Cause, I’m the leader, I’m the face of the Avengers.” 

“Nat could do it. She’d love it.” 

“She doesn’t wanna be away from Bucky that long. She’s good at it yes, but it’s not something she wants to do regularly.” 

“So why not make a schedule on it? Have you, Nat, and Sam all take shifts? All of you could work with Rhodey, and then you guys could take shifts. Four months each? Then you don’t have to do it quite so often?” 

“Is this about helping me, or that other thing we don’t talk about?” He asked, looking at her. 

“Is it alright if I tell you I’m not sure?” 

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not a bad idea. Needs some fine tuning, but maybe I’ll talk to everyone, see what they think.” 

“I mean, part of it is that I hate losing you for a week every couple of months. It’s entirely selfish.” 

“Of course it is.” Steve chuckled before leaning over to kiss her. 

“Eat your food Rogers.” She told him after she’d pulled away, a grin on her face. 

They finished eating and watched a little tv, Darcy snug against Steve’s side. When she started to feel drowsy, she kissed him goodbye and left for the night. When she got home, she texted him and they chatted until she fell asleep. 

A few days later, she was in Steve’s apartment again, having dinner with him, Bucky, and Natasha. They played cards while they ate pizza and had a good night. When it was time for bed, Darcy was tired, but glad that it wasn’t a night she was sleeping at home without Steve. Jane had been a mess all day. Therapy had been a little rough that day, but it was getting easier. She was just happy to be able to get some down time where there were no expectations on her. Well, none but the normal ones where Steve was concerned. 

Steve crawled into bed and curled up next to her, pulling her close to him. She could smell the mint of his toothpaste, and the smell of his hand soap; it calmed her. She closed the small distance between them and kissed him softly. 

“Hi.” She said when she pulled back and looked up at him. 

“Hi.” He said just as softly, moving a piece of hair off of her face and behind her ear. 

“I missed you today.” She told him. 

“I missed you too.” He rested his palm on her cheek and rubbed his thumb against her skin. She couldn’t help but lean into it. “Come here.” He whispered before pulling her closer and pressing his lips to hers once again. 

Darcy fisted a hand in his shirt front and pulled him even closer. The warmth of his body near her own was nice, but what she really wanted, was to feel his skin again. Specifically against her own. Steve’s hand drifted down off of her face, and down her body to her hip. He squeezed, gently shifting her a bit closer. Darcy gasped, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Darcy didn’t mind, she curled one arm around his neck and pulled herself flush against him. Steve let out a small groan of his own as she slotted her leg between his. He rolled slightly, so he was above her, but not caging her in and Darcy immediately started pulling at his shirt, pulling it off so she could finally feel his skin against her own. Steve complied easily enough before sinking a little more of his weight into her. Darcy shifted so that he fell between her raised knees. He held himself up on one elbow and trailed the other from her knee to her hip, shifting her slightly for the perfect position for just the right amount of friction. 

“Too many clothes.” Darcy grumbled against his lips. Steve chuckled before pressing his lips to her neck. 

“Yours or mine?” He asked against her skin.

“Yes.” Her voice was breathy, as she tipped her head to give him better access. It was all the encouragement he needed. 

“Pick something.” He told her before biting her neck gently just over her racing pulse. 

“Pants.” She gasped as he soothed the area with his tongue. “Mine.” 

Steve groaned as he slid the hand he’d had on her thigh up to her waistband and started to pull them off. Darcy helped by pushing the other side and lifting her hips a little. Steve stuttered out a noise of appreciation and froze a moment before continuing the task of sliding her pants off. Once they were down far enough, Darcy used her feet to get them all the way down and off while Steve took hold of her hip and experimentally ground into her causing them both to moan. 

“How far are we going Darce?” He asked her, “cause I need to know before my brain completely shorts out.” 

“I don’t know, as far as we can.” She told him honestly. He pulled back to look into her eyes for just a moment. She met his gaze honestly, noting the dilation in his pupils. Last time they’d gotten only a bit farther before she’d had to stop. “I’m okay Steve. Really.” She placed her palm against his cheek and he leaned into it before turning his head to kiss it. He must have accepted the answer because he dove back in, his lips meeting hers firmly, almost desperately. 

Desperation was the only word Darcy could think to describe what was happening. She was desperate for him, in any way she could have him, and he must have been for her as well because it wasn’t long before his movements lost the hesitence and restraint she’d been able to feel from him so far. It didn’t take too long before they’d both shed what was left of their clothing. Steve was gentle as he kissed and bit his way down her finally healed body. He kissed every spot he remembered there being a bruise. Every spot he knew her ribs had been damaged, before he left marks on her hip bones. Reminders for her that she was his. 

His lips met hers again as she tried to slow her breathing. He’d been perfect, giving all of his attention to her and what she needed rather than his own. Darcy smiled as she bracketed his hips with her knees, wrapping one leg around him and pulling him closer. 

“You’re sure?” He asked her as he held himself back. She knew she could say no and he would stop, even this close to what they both wanted. She smiled. 

“Yes.” He leaned down to kiss the smile off of her face as he slowly sank into her. 

It was everything that Darcy had wanted. She hadn’t felt a moment of hesitense or resistence like she had before. Maybe them going slowly had been a great plan, no matter how much she had hated it. She also appreciated that he hadn’t tried to tell her how much she could handle, just had her pick a safeword and then proved he’d respect it no matter what. She leaned her head back as Steve sucked another mark into her skin and let herself float in the feeling of being with him again finally. 

She could feel herself getting close. Close to the end, and she could tell Steve was too, not only by the way he sped up, chasing the thing they both craved, but by the words falling from his mouth. She smiled to herself as she felt the wave start to crest within her. Her mind whited out and she felt the wave crest and then she was falling, words falling from her lips unbidden. 

She was brought back suddenly when Steve was there one moment and in the next was gone. She opened her eyes and searched for Steve. Why was she suddenly cold? He was standing next to the bed, chest heaving and looking like he’d just seen a ghost. Darcy’s eyebrows knit together as she pulled the blanket up over herself and sat up. 

“Steve?” She was confused. They’d been so close, what had happened?

“What-” Steve cut himself off and swallowed hard. “What did you say?” he asked her, his voice shaking. 

“What? I didn’t say-” She cut herself off suddenly. She’d spoken just as she’d fallen over. The words leaving her mouth in a breathy gasp. Not just any words. The words they’d taught her to say. She looked up at Steve horrified, shrinking into herself as she did. “Oh no.” She breathed out, her hands coming up to fist in her own hair. She could feel the panic crashing in on her, stealing the breath from her lungs. 

“Darcy.” Steve’s voice sounded far away. “Darcy!” His voice was muddled, and suddenly he was sitting in front of her on the bed, trying to get her hands to relax from where they were pulling her hair hard enough to hurt. She looked up at him wide-eyed, her breath coming quicker and quicker, causing her to hyperventilate. She couldn’t get a deep breath no matter what she tried. 

Distantly she heard Steve growl a little bit before he was gone, pulling a pair of pants off of the floor and pulling them on as he left the room. She didn’t know where he’d gone. He’d probably left her. He should. Her thoughts got darker and she pulled further into herself. Between one blink and the next Steve was back, standing in front of her, phone to his ear, setting a glass of water on the stand next to her. He looked down at her and answered a question the other person asked. She could see his lips moving, but she couldn’t hear him. It was like her brain had become a place of horror. Distantly she was aware she was having a panic attack, but couldn’t do anything to stop it. To stop the negative thoughts rolling around in her head. She was trapped, and that thought made her panic more. 

She felt Steve pull the blanket away and she didn’t fight him as he pulled a pair of sweats back up her legs. She couldn’t hear him speaking softly to her. The phone was gone. When had he gotten off of it? She distantly heard Friday announce someone at the door as she let Steve pull a shirt over her head, before she curled back into a ball, hugging the pillow against her chest. She saw Bucky and Natasha enter the room and stop to assess what was happening. She wanted to question why they were there, but couldn’t do it. She briefly looked over at Steve, who looked so lost, before she looked back at Bucky, meeting his eyes. 

Bucky smiled softly and walked over to her slowly. She watched him sit down in front of her. He was speaking to her. She could see his lips moving, but couldn’t hear him. He held his hand up between them, fingers splayed wide. She looked at it then back at his face. His eyebrows were lifted like he’d asked her a question and he was waiting for her to answer it. When she didn’t, he slowly lowered his hand, reaching it toward her own. He made sure she was watching everything he did. He grabbed her hand where it was clutched around the pillow and pulled it away, until it was resting firmly against him. He moved his hand before he pushed her hand flat to the middle of his chest and took a deep breath. He held her hand in place with his metal one, before he reached out towards her once more. Watching him, her eyes widened when he took the pillow but she let him. His other hand mirrored hers on her own chest. 

She looked at him oddly through stuttering breaths. He nodded at her before taking another exaggerated deep breath. Slowly in, then just as slowly out. She got it then, he wanted her to mimic his breathing. Distantly she thought of therapy and what they’d taught her. This was one of the things. She tried to force her lungs to listen to her. It took a few shaky breaths before she was able to pull a deliberate deep breath. It was still shallower than his own, but still deeper then she’d been doing. He nodded at her and smiled. She tried again. It took her a few more tries before she was able to pull a breath in the way he wanted her to. 

“Good Darcy. Count with me now.” She heard his voice like he was talking through a door at her, but at least she could hear again. She did as he was asked, trying to count the four counts he was counting as he breathed in and out. He kept counting. With each breath she could hear a little better. As her own breathing regulated she started trying to count out loud with him. 

“Two, three, four.” Her voice was raspy. 

“Good girl. Match me. Keep going.” He told her before starting to count again. She kept her eyes locked on his as she breathed. Sensation was starting to come back now. She could feel the tears on her face. She could feel the numbness in her brain start to recede as the logical side started taking over again. Bucky must have seen it in her eyes because he stopped counting and started to let his breathing return to normal, in hopes that hers would follow. “Darcy, tell me three things you can see.” 

“You,” She dared to glance around the room. “Steve, and Natasha.” 

“Good. Good. Now, two things you can feel.” 

“Your shirt.” She paused to breath again. “Steve’s pillow.” His pillow was bunched up behind her, cushioning her against the headboard she’d crowded back against. 

“Good. Now one thing you can smell.” 

“Steve’s soap.” She said immediately. She could still smell it, pressed to his pillow like she was. The smell was still in her nose and once she realized she could smell it, it helped calm her so much more. She was safe. These people wouldn’t hurt her, nor would they let her hurt them, or herself. 

“Good.” Bucky pulled his hand away from her chest slowly, so she knew it was happening. She did the same with her own, he let it go without a fight. “Now, do you wanna talk about what happened?” 

“I, I know I had a panic attack. I remember what caused it, if that’s what you’re asking.” She looked down at her hands, refusing to meet Steve’s eyes. As if sensing that she was avoiding him, he climbed onto the bed next to her and pulled her back against his chest. He lifted his knees and rested his arms across them. Not boxing her in, but letting her know he was there. He was warm, and that helped in soothing her still tensed muscles. 

“Good. Now drink this water for me.” Bucky handed her the glass and she drank it as he’d asked. Everyone was silent while she did. No one moved except Natasha, who came to stand behind Bucky and run a hand down his back. “Thank you.” He told her when she handed the glass back. She let herself sink back into Steve a little more. 

“Since you’re back to yourself, we’re gonna go and let you guys talk.” Natasha told her, her voice calm. Darcy nodded. 

“Thank you both.” Steve told them as Bucky got up off of the bed, squeezing her foot as he did. 

“You’re welcome.” Natasha said. 

“Anytime.” Bucky answered before turning to leave the room. Darcy was silent, listening to Steve breathe until she heard the front door close. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Steve asked her after they were gone. He hadn’t moved, except to rest his head against her own. 

“Not really. But we probably should.” Steve chuckled. 

“Why is that always your response?” 

“Because you asked if I  _ want _ to. No, I don’t. I’d rather bury it and pretend it never happened. But, we  _ need _ to talk about it because clearly I had a panic attack because of something and talking about it, especially with you will help. No matter how much I don’t wanna do it.” 

“That’s fair. I didn’t think about it like that.” 

“Yup. I’m kind of a genius.” 

“So what happened? Well, I know what happened, but what set off the panic attack?” Darcy pulled away and looked up at him incredulously. 

“Dude, I said ‘Hail Hydra’ to Captain America. That’s enough of a reason, let alone saying it  _ when _ I did.” She mentally patted herself on the back for saying it outloud without flinching. 

“Okay, okay.” Steve chuckled. “I’m sure my reaction didn’t help. I was panicking a bit myself actually. That’s why I called Buck. I could barely focus on helping you through your panic attack while trying to force myself through my own panic.” 

“Yeah, it didn’t set me off, but it didn’t help. It’s okay that you called for backup. It wasn’t a situation either of us were prepared to handle alone.” 

“You’re not mad at me for not being there for you?”

“Did you call for help when you realized you couldn’t help?”

“Yes, but-” Darcy cut him off. 

“Did you make sure I had clothes on, even though you were also panicking, so that no one else would see me naked?”

“Yes.” This time his voice was almost a growl. 

“Okay punchy, calm down, no one else saw me naked today.” She chuckled. “You did good Steve. You did exactly what I needed. You got help for both me and you. And you managed to protect my modesty while you were at it. I was worthlessly stuck in my own head, so I wasn’t gonna be able to help you, or even myself. So no, I’m not mad at you. I’m just hoping you aren’t mad at me for what I said.” 

“No, it was a trauma response.” 

“Steve, what we were doing was not trauma inducing.” 

“I hope not, but still. I don’t think you came up with that all on your own.” Darcy was silent for a few minutes. 

“I’m tired.” She told him, pulling his arms around her. 

“Okay. Let’s get some sleep.” He pulled her close and tipped them over onto the pillows before he leaned up and pulled the blankets over them. 

Darcy let her breathing even out, she hoped she’d sleep. She felt Steve sink further into the mattress as he drifted off, his breath soft against the back of her neck. Her brain wouldn’t release her into slumber though. She just kept turning what happened over and over in her head. She didn’t fully believe he wasn’t mad at her. He’d looked shocked and betrayed before she’d stumbled down the rabbit hole into panic. He might be okay right now, but she didn’t believe for one moment that he’d reflect back on it later when she wasn’t around and come up with a different reaction. Then he’d let himself feel the way he really did, he wouldn’t have to hide it for her sake. She knew he was doing that a lot. Masking his true feelings when she was around, making sure she felt accepted and wanted by him. Eventually it would destroy them. 

It was a few days later that Darcy actually realized the truth of that thought. Since that night Steve had been hesitant to do more than kiss her hello. He held himself a bit stiffly when she got too close, making paper thin excuses anytime she tried to initiate anything. Almost like he was afraid of it happening again. Darcy understood, but she couldn’t keep living like this. He was too good of a person to let her go, even if it was what he wanted. She could tell. She hadn’t felt good enough for him before, and now, she definitely wasn’t. So she made a bargain with herself that night after dinner. They were sitting on the couch, on opposite ends for the third night in a row, and she told herself she’d give herself just one more night with the man she loved, even if he didn’t love her in return. Then she’d leave. She’d let him go. 

After their movie was over, Darcy stood in front of where he was sitting. He looked up at her, at the hand she was extending out to him. He sighed before he took it and stood too. He pulled her into his arms and just held her there for a minute. When she pulled away, she pulled him towards the bedroom. Stopping next to the bed to pull him closer again. He looked down at her, his face open, a touch of confusion lingering in his eyes. She smiled softly, trying to keep the tears at bay, before she stood on her tiptoes and pulled him down to kiss her. When he pulled away, he left one hand cupping her cheek, he searched her eyes before diving back in for another kiss. Darcy took advantage of the next pause to pull her shirt over her head and promptly reached for his. 

Steve didn’t stop her from removing their clothing in between trading kisses, but he didn’t go out of his way to help her either. He was compliant, and moved where she wanted him. She drew him into another kiss and pulled him down to the bed behind her. He hovered over her carefully, letting her set the pace. His gaze questioning as he moved a piece of hair out of her eyes. She smiled softly up at him and hoped he couldn’t tell how forced it was. She pulled him back to her lips before he had a chance to question it. He went with it, thankfully. She couldn’t stop, she had to have just one more time that wasn’t marred with the trauma to remember him. To leave herself with one last good memory. 

“Darce-” He tried to ask her a question, but she stopped him with a finger to his lips. 

“Please.” Her voice was small, quiet, and full of emotion. He stared at her a bit longer before he gave himself over to the emotions of the moment. She tried to concentrate on this moment, the feeling of him being inside her, instead of what would come next. Tried to savor the rise of emotion, the noises he made. The soft words he whispered in her ear. The mark he sucked into her neck, the one near her shoulder that he’d left the other day had begun to fade, so he spent time redarkening it. She tried to do the same, wishing her marks would last longer than a few hours. 

Reaching the end, she bit her lip, just to make sure that nothing would slip past her lips to ruin this moment. She desperately wanted to tell him that she loved him, but that wouldn’t be fair. He rested his forehead against hers, kissed her one more time, then fell down on the bed beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. He laid there a moment letting his breathing calm down, before he kissed her shoulder and left the bed for the bathroom. He returned with a warm rag and proceeded to clean them both up. He tossed the rag toward the hamper, before settling down next to her and pulling the blankets up over them. He curled up behind her again, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her close to him. 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but don’t do whatever it is you’re thinking of. Please.” He said softly, before kissing her neck. Darcy felt the tears she’d been fighting back come back, and slip silently down her cheek. She tried to keep her breaths regular, unlabored until he’d finally fallen asleep. She let herself stay there, just a little longer. She just needed a little longer. 

Steve woke up in the morning and reached next to him. The sheets were cold and empty. He picked his head up a little and looked around the room. He didn’t see Darcy, and the bathroom door was open and the light was off. He mentally swore. He knew something was off last night, had been for the last couple of days. He knew that he was to blame for some of it, but last night had felt different. He quickly got out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants as he headed toward the living room. He didn’t see Darcy, but a bright pink sticky note on the counter caught his attention. He walked closer, hoping it was a note letting him know where she’d gone. 

Then he saw it. The necklace that he’d given her for her birthday was laying on the counter next to the sticky note. His world stopped. His breath caught in his lungs. He knew. He didn’t need to read it. Didn’t need to get any closer to it. He stumbled back a step like he’d been hit, using the back of the couch to keep himself upright. 

Last night had felt like a goodbye because that’s what it was. She left. He didn’t need to look, he knew that she’d taken everything. He knew if he looked in the closet all of her clothes would be gone. Her bathroom stuff wouldn’t be tucked into the shower next to his anymore. There would only be one toothbrush in the cup. If he walked to the door and checked his keys, the key to her apartment would be missing. 

Steve pulled in a shaky breath. He was going to ask her to move in. He wanted to wake up and go to sleep next to the woman he loved everyday. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone, not even Peggy. Now she was gone. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, legs trembling. Feeling as though he was pulling in air like he was underwater and fighting for breath. If he just stayed right here, in the same spot, time would freeze and he could undo it. He could keep it from being true. 

“Hey Steve.” Bucky called opening the door to Steve’s apartment. Steve very rarely missed a run, especially since he’d confirmed it with him the night before. They were supposed to go a few rounds on the heavy bags after. He closed the door and wandered towards the kitchen, then stopped. Steve was standing against the back of the couch, looking for the world like he’d just seen a ghost. He hadn’t seen that look on his best friend's face since Peggy died. He was staring at the counter, and as he got closer he saw the bright pink sticky note and Darcy’s necklace. “Steve?” He asked, his voice softer this time. 

Steve looked up at him, eyes wide, looking for all the world like the lost boy he’d been when his Mom had died. Then his knees gave out and he hit the floor hard. Landing on his butt, and leaning heavily on the back of the couch. One hand on his heart like it would stop it from shattering. Tears were already streaming down his face. He wondered how long he’d stood there. Bucky got closer, taking a glance at the words on the note before he turned to Steve. 

“What happened?” He asked, sinking to the floor in front of his best friend. 

“I-I don’t know. I knew it was goodbye. I told her not to, but she did.” He was babbling through his tears. He hadn’t seen Steve cry in a long time. Hadn’t seen him this scared since he was hanging off of a train trying to reach Steve’s hand. 

“Slow down. What was a goodbye?” 

“Last night, something just felt off. I knew it did, but instead of talking I let her have her way. I let her-” He cut himself off with a gasping breath, like his lungs had just figured out he was crying. 

“Okay, Steve I need you to calm down. Is Darcy hurt?” Steve shook his head. “Are you hurt?” Steve locked his eyes with Bucky’s. “Physically Steve, are you physically hurt?” He shook his head again. “Good. Take a deep breath. Try to get your breathing under control. I’m going to get you a bottle of water.” Steve nodded before Bucky stood up again. On his way to the fridge, he snatched the offensive slip of paper up off the counter and shoved it in his pocket. Steve didn’t need to have to look at it. After grabbing two bottles of water, he settled back on the floor in front of Steve. He took the bottle of water offered to him, before he took small drinks of it, leaning his head back on the couch. 

“Thanks Buck.” He said after the bottle was gone and his tears had stopped. Bucky just waved him off. 

“You’ve spent years helping me put myself back together. Now, it looks like I’m gonna help you. Come on, Nat’s cooking breakfast. Then we’ll sit around and watch horrible tv for awhile.” 

“I’m okay Buck. Really. Nothing's gonna change it. She’s made up her mind about what she wants. It’s just not me.” 

“Nah, she’ll come around. You love her and she loves you.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Cause she said she does.” 

“No, she never said it back. I said it a few times, but she never responded. She didn’t love me Buck.” 

“That note said something different.” 

“That’s not what it said, Buck.” 

“Then just trust me on this one. She’ll come around. Just give her some space, she’s been through a lot recently.” 

“I know, I know.” Steve nodded. 

“Now come on, breakfast.” Steve rolled his eyes and accepted the help getting up. 

“You ask her yet?” Steve asked him, Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I uh,” Bucky could feel himself blushing. “I asked her last night.” 

“I’m guessing she said yes.” 

“Well I’m still alive, right?” 

“Congratulations Buck. I’m happy for you.” 

“I’m sorry your life sucks while mine is awesome.” 

“Finally things are starting to feel like the good ol’ days.” 

“I really am sorry Steve.” 

“I know. Thanks.” 


	11. Chapter Eleven

Darcy called into work on Monday. She thought about calling in on Tuesday as well, but she forced herself out of bed, into the shower and to the Tower. She was late, arriving just after ten, but Jane didn’t say anything. She’d told Jane about the breakup via text on Sunday. She’d come over and laid in bed with her for a few hours. Letting her cry, and holding her close. She’d left later on Sunday night, letting Darcy know she was there if she needed her and if she needed a couple of days, Jane wouldn’t hold it against her. 

When she walked into the lab, dressed in black leggings and a snarky t-shirt, Jane just smiled softly at her and went back to work. Darcy frowned. She thought the struggle bus tee would certainly get a response from Jane. Darcy sighed and sat down, getting to work on all of the stuff she’d been trying to get caught up on. A coffee appeared near her laptop a few minutes later and when she looked up, Jane smiled at her before squeezing her shoulder. She turned away and went back to work like it hadn’t happened. 

“So, I need your help with baby shower stuff later this week if you’re available.” Jane commented after they’d worked for almost an hour in silence. 

“Sure. Anytime, what’s a godmother for if not to help?” 

“Well, I was hoping you’d do it cause you’re my best friend but if I’d known that you’d be less difficult after we gave you a title, we would have done it months ago.” Jane smiled at her.

“Ha ha Janey. Ha ha.” Darcy replied sarcastically. 

“Oh good you’re here.” Natasha remarked sweeping into the lab and interrupting them. Darcy sat up a bit straighter, not sure what to expect.

“I am.” she replied slowly. 

“Good. Grab your coats ladies. Pepper’s meeting us in the lobby. We are having lunch.” Natasha grinned wide. Jane and Darcy shared a look, and she knew Jane would come up with an excuse if she wanted her to. 

“Fine, but I’m not dressed for lunch.” Darcy commented, saving the data she’d been working on and closing the laptop. 

“Dude, I’m in yoga pants and a tank. Pepper assures me it will be fine.” Darcy smiled at her friend. At least, she hoped she was still her friend. 

“Come on Struggle Bus.” Jane told Darcy, smiling. The three exited the lab and rode up to the lobby in comfortable silence. 

“Well, now I feel overdressed.” Pepper commented, looking down at her elegant pant suit then up at the rest of them in their leggings and jeans. 

“We can wait if you want to change.” Natasha told her with a smile. 

“Nah, who cares. Let’s go.” Pepper looped her arm with Darcy’s and they all started for the door.  “Are you okay?” She asked her softly. Darcy forced a smile on her face. 

“I’m okay. I will continue to be okay.” She answered back just as quietly before they ducked into the car. 

“Okay, not that I mind, but what’s the excuse for this impromptu lunch?” Jane asked after they were all settled at an outdoor table at one of their favorite cafe’s. Pepper smiled wide and looked at Natasha. 

“Yeah Nat, please tell us why you called this impromptu meeting of the women.” She said with a smirk. Nat just smiled and held her left hand out. Sitting on her ring finger was a beautiful red teardrop stone big enough to cause a fuss. It was wreathed with smaller stones and looked beautiful. Jane and Darcy let out appropriately shocked and excited squeals of delight. 

“OH MY GODDESS!” Darcy exclaimed leaning forward to grab Nat’s hand and look closer at the ring. “When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?” Nat’s smile dimmed just a bit as Darcy looked up at her. 

“He asked me on Saturday night.” she said softly. Darcy nodded in understanding before smiling brightly again. 

“So, you’ve had days that you could have been telling me!” 

“I’ve been busy.” She said, and there was a hint there, a slight narrowing of her eyes before it was gone. Darcy saw it anyway, just like she was meant to. She’d hurt Steve, and left Bucky and Nat to pick up the pieces the morning after they’d gotten engaged. 

“It’s beautiful!” Jane butted in, already seeing where that was heading. Wanting to keep the focus on Natasha and her wonderful news instead of more painful and sensitive topics.

“Thank you Jane.” 

“I’m so glad you’ll be joining us in the club.” Pepper told her with a smile. Jane laughed and Natasha joined in. Darcy chuckled a bit before taking a drink of her water. 

The  _ club _ . The Superheroes wive’s club. That’s what Pepper was referring to. It was a club that Darcy would never belong to. She had thought maybe one day, but not now. Now that chance was gone. 

They were saved from the awkward moment lurking over their shoulders by the waitress asking if they were ready to order. Pepper ordered them some champagne and a sparkling white grape juice for Jane. They also ordered their food and then the waitress was gone and they’d switched topics to how Bucky had proposed. For the next two hours, Darcy tried to focus on Natasha and her happiness, not think about what she’d been doing or how their paths had gone in such different directions in the same hours on a Saturday night. 

When they returned to the Tower, Pepper promptly left them to get back to work. Jane told Darcy she was going upstairs for a nap, and if she wanted she could take the day. Darcy told her she’d be in the lab a few more hours catching up on work before Jane departed for the private elevators that led to the Avenger’s living quarters. That left Darcy alone with Natasha for the first time all day. She looked at the other woman and smiled. 

“I really am happy for you and Buck, Nat. Please give him my congratulations.” Darcy told her, trying not to let her voice crack. Now that everyone else was gone, Natasha was assessing her openly and she wanted to fidget under the other woman’s scrutiny. 

“Tell him yourself.” She responded, not unkindly. Darcy shook her head. 

“He won’t want to talk to me Nat. Not after,” She let her voice trail off. Bucky would be the last person to want to talk to her after she’d hurt Steve.

“You’d be surprised.” She answered with a smirk. Before she could respond, she was grabbed from behind by two strong arms and lifted into the air. Darcy froze before she realized it was Bucky. 

“Hey Darce.” he said as he set her down on the floor. 

“Buck!” She exclaimed. 

“Did you tell her?” He asked Natasha over Darcy’s shoulder. 

“Yup.” Nat said before moving around Darcy to kiss her fiance hello. “I’ll meet you upstairs. Bye Darcy.” She said smiling kindly before she walked away. 

“Bye Nat.” Darcy commented quietly. 

“You going down to the lab?” Bucky asked, looking at her. 

“Yeah.” 

“Come on, I’ll walk you.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“It’s not an option. We need to talk.” Bucky’s voice was firm, and Darcy groaned before following him to the elevators that led to the labs. 

“If you’re going to yell at me, please don’t do it here.” Darcy mumbled. 

“I’m not going to yell at you.” She raised an eyebrow at Bucky as they got on the elevator. “I’m not. I promise.” 

“Just a friendly conversation after I-” She cut herself off quickly, then cleared her throat and continued. “Don’t worry Buck, I know whose side you’re on, and I know it isn’t mine.” 

“Didn’t know I had to pick a side, Darce.” He told her softly, looking down at his shoes. Darcy didn’t answer, just let the comment hang in the air for the rest of the elevator ride. 

When they reached the lab Darcy put her bag down before turning to look at Bucky. He was standing at the counter where her laptop was sitting. He pulled something out of his pocket and unfolded it before placing it in the center of her closed laptop. Darcy felt her breath hitch at the sight of the pink sticky note she’d left on Steve’s counter. 

“Do you wanna explain this?” Bucky’s voice held an edge to it that she didn’t recognize. 

“I-” She started. 

“You better have something better than I don’t know.” He told her finally, looking up at her. She deflated briefly, her arms hanging limply at her sides, before she pulled herself back up. 

“It wasn’t a parting shot if that’s what you’re implying. I meant it.” 

“I have no doubt you meant it. But  _ he _ doesn’t. He didn’t even read it. He just broke. You broke him. He saw your necklace with a note attached and just knew.” Bucky took a breath and met her eyes. “I’m not saying you were trying to do that to him. I just think that you should know that I haven’t seen that look on his face since I was falling off a train.” 

“Buck-” She started. 

“No. You don’t need to defend yourself. I’m sure you have your reasons. But why this? Why the note? Why  _ these _ words?” Bucky poked at the note with his finger. 

“Because I meant it. Forever wouldn’t have been enough.” 

“Enough what?” 

“Time. Enough time with him. Enough time loving him. All of it. It wouldn’t have been enough.” Her voice burst from her, finally saying the truth out loud.

“Then why leave?” 

“Because it isn’t the same anymore Buck. He doesn’t want me anymore, not really. He’ll be better off now that he doesn’t have to pretend.” 

“Pretend what?” He interrupted, his voice sharp. 

“You haven’t been over since that night Buck. He could barely look at me. Wouldn’t come near me. I may have been the one to leave, but he was already gone, even if he didn’t know it yet.” With the last of her strength, Darcy pushed past Bucky and left the lab. She didn’t stop, didn’t bother with the elevator, just took the stairs to another floor before finding the elevator there and leaving. She had a few hours until therapy, until then she’d go home. 

She was surprised when she got to the lab the next morning, on time but still wearing leggings and a sweatshirt. Laying on top of her laptop where Bucky had laid the note, was an envelope with her name on it in pretty gold handwriting. She opened it up to find a postcard sized picture of Natasha and Bucky. It was an engagement party invitation. She didn’t think she’d be invited, not after her conversation with Bucky the day before. When Jane came in, Darcy was still sitting on the stool staring at it, dumbfounded. 

“Wanna go shopping after lunch?” Jane asked her excitedly. 

“What happened to the Jane who liked to work?” Darcy asked, looking at her.

“She’s extremely pregnant and ready to get off her feet, or find any excuse to do something else right now. Besides, I have nothing to wear for the party and was gonna ask if you wanted to go anyway.” Jane took a sip from what looked to be a smoothie from the coffee shop in the lobby. Darcy narrowed her eyes at her cup before Jane rolled her eyes at her and handed her the cup of coffee that she had in her other hand. 

“Alright, we can go dress shopping. But I demand we work a somewhat regular day today.” Darcy told her fondly. 

At three that afternoon, Darcy shut down the computer and herded Jane out of the lab. There wasn’t anything new that couldn’t wait, and Jane had wanted to go dress shopping. By dinner they had each found something to wear and decided to treat themselves to a dinner out. Thor met them there, and after they ate, he escorted Jane home while Darcy took the train back to her apartment. 

On Thursday after work, Darcy carried her bag upstairs to Jane and Thor’s apartment when she and Jane left. Her and Jane had some baby shower things to do, and Thor was going to cook them dinner and then stay as out of the way as he could. 

They stayed up late making favors and decorations, designing games and such, all of the things they’d need for the party the following weekend. Jane told Darcy goodnight then slipped into her room to go to bed. She tossed and turned for a little while before she finally fell asleep. She woke up a couple of hours later gasping for breath, trying desperately to figure out what the nightmare had been about. She couldn’t remember, but she knew she wouldn’t be going back to sleep again. She scrolled through her phone for a little while before she started to feel antsy. Normally, if she’d been at home, she would have gotten up and started baking something. That’s what she decided she was going to do, since she couldn’t sleep, at least she’d be able to have something nice to eat. 

She got up and after leaving a note for Jane, in case her friend woke up while she was gone, she headed to the common room on their floor to see what she could find. Thor and Jane’s common room kitchen was sadly lacking when it came to things to bake with. All of her baking stuff was still down in the common room of Steve and Bucky’s floor. She stood there biting her lip trying to decide what she would do. She could just go down and get what she would need and bring it back up, she reasoned with herself. 

When she got there, she started looking through the cupboards for her pots and pans and the stuff she’d need to make chocolate chip muffins. She had been planning to make them a while back, but then everything had happened, so she should still have everything she needed for that. It wasn’t until she was mixing the batter up that she realized that she hadn’t taken anything upstairs, and had just started cooking like she used to. Darcy sighed, she’d have to make sure to clean up after herself. 

“What are you doing Doll?” Bucky’s voice was soft but it still surprised her enough to spin around, batter covered spatula still in hand. 

“Um,” She started. She didn’t really have a good reason to be standing in their communal kitchen in joggers, a tank and fuzzy slippers. Her hair was a mess, and she was sure she could have made a better impression. Bucky just smiled at her and walked over to lean against the counter. 

“It’s three o’clock Darcy. In the morning.” He told her, swiping a finger through her batter and putting it in his mouth. 

“I know. I had a nightmare.” She mumbled out. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“Not really. I can’t remember it, just that it made me jumpy, and too on edge to sleep.” 

“So you came all the way over to the tower to bake?”

“No, I was staying upstairs with Jane. We were working on some baby shower things. And they do not have anything I can bake with. I meant to just take my baking stuff back upstairs to their kitchen, but I was halfway done before I realized what I was doing.” She poured the batter into the waiting muffin tin as she was talking. 

“It’s fine Doll.” Bucky told her, taking the empty bowl to the sink for her. 

“Thanks Buck. I promise I’ll have everything cleaned up by morning and no one will ever know I was here.” 

“No one being Steve.” 

“Yeah.” Her voice was quiet. 

“I wasn’t trying to upset you the other day. I just didn’t understand. I knew things were a little weird since we got you back, but I guess I didn’t know that it was falling apart.” 

“That’s just it though,” She told him, setting the timer. “It wasn’t. It wasn’t falling apart, not at first. It was really just the last few days. I knew, I don’t know how, but I just knew I had to go before it hurt anymore. It hurt so bad watching him pull away from me. He’s been cutting off phone calls as soon as I entered a room, and hiding things that he normally would have told me, and that was even before he went to DC. I don’t know Buck, it just seemed like he was letting go and I wasn’t,” 

“Enough.” Bucky finished. “That’s what the real meaning of that phrasing was about. You didn’t feel enough.” 

“No.” She admitted in a small voice. 

Bucky didn’t respond, just tried to change the subject while he digested the new information. Darcy decided to brew them some coffee just so she had something to do with her hands, and so she could hide from Bucky’s scrutiny a little longer. When the timer went off, she pulled the muffins from the oven and set them on the counter then turned to fix their coffee. 

“Why didn’t you just talk to him Doll?” Bucky burst out, like he had been fighting to hold it in. They had been talking about Jane’s baby shower prior to that. Darcy sighed. She was already feeling emotional, hashing this out with Bucky wasn’t going to make it any better. 

“I don’t know Buck. I just couldn’t. Everytime I tried to bring something up, to talk about it, I felt like he was just hiding more, afraid of upsetting me. That’s not fair to him, and it wasn’t fair to me. I understand why he pulled away after I got back, I do, but I don’t know what was driving him away before that.” Darcy busied herself with rinsing the dishes she’d used. 

“Do you know that he’s the one that helped me pick out Nat’s ring?” Darcy looked at him. “Yeah, I watched him when he thought I wasn’t. That’s where he found your necklace. But there was another case that kept catching his eye. He wandered by it maybe five times, lingering a moment before shaking his head and moving away.” Bucky paused to let the implication of his words sink in. Darcy could feel the tears behind her eyes. “He wasn’t pulling away Doll. He was scared.” Darcy couldn’t help it, she started crying. 

"What did I do Buck?" He slipped off his stool and pulled her into his arms. 

"What you had to." Was all he said. "He wasn't in that place, so don't feel too bad. I didn't tell you that to make you cry. I told you so you'd know how scared he was."

"Doesn’t make it easier."

"It never does."

Darcy cried. She couldn't help it. The tears wouldn't stop. She didn't know when Steve came in, didn't even know he was there until Bucky had handed her off and she felt his arms around her. Smelled his soap. Instead of comforting her, it just made her cry harder. Steve didn't say anything, just kissed the top of her head and let her cry. With her arms wrapped so tightly around him, she could feel his labored breaths and knew he was crying too. She just held on tighter. Maybe if they could hold each other tight enough, they could keep from falling apart. 

Steve eventually got them over to the couch. Darcy pulled Steve to her and let him cry on her this time. It was the least she could do. It was her fault he was upset in the first place. When he stopped crying, Darcy still had tears running down her face. She felt horrible. She’d never seen Steve that upset, and it was her fault. It was too late to take it back though. She wanted to doubt herself, she really did. But she’d meant what she’d said to Bucky, even if Steve didn’t realize it yet, he already had one foot out the door before she had made the decision to leave. She couldn’t go back. 

They stayed wrapped up together on the couch in the common room for who knew how long. Eventually Darcy started to drift off, Steve heavy on her chest. She wasn’t convinced he was asleep, he was still holding on to her too tightly for that to have occured. She wanted to stay awake. She needed to go. To just get up and go back to Jane’s, where she could cry herself to sleep again. She just wanted a few more minutes though, it was selfish and cruel, but she couldn’t help it. This was the closest she would come to apologizing. It was the first time in days that her chest didn’t feel like a weight was sitting on top of it. She let herself drift, just for a few more minutes. 

When she woke up, she wasn’t in the common room anymore and there was sunlight coming in through the window. She looked around and realized quickly that she was in Steve’s bed. Steve was curled up next to her, tucked as close to her as he could be without touching her. She didn’t remember coming in here. She shook her head and carefully sat up. She didn’t want to wake Steve. He’d want to talk, and that wasn’t something she could do right now. Her phone was on the nightstand next to the bed, she reached for it and checked the time. It was just after seven, so she hadn’t slept for that much longer. She glanced behind her at Steve one more time, trying to memorize the way his face looked in the early morning light. Then she stood, and after locating her slippers, which were placed next to the box of Steve’s stuff from her apartment that she’d had Jane deliver, she quietly made her way out of the apartment. 

She wandered back to the common room to clean up her mess, noting that two of the muffins were already missing. She smiled and shook her head, only Bucky would take advantage of her meltdown to swipe muffins. She quickly washed up the remaining dishes and put them away. Once she was sure it looked like it had before she’d intruded, she headed back upstairs to Jane’s. They were still in bed when she got there, so she grabbed her bag and left the muffins on the counter for them to have when they got up with a note to enjoy. Then she took herself down to the lab. 

Darcy buried everything she was feeling and spent a few hours inputting Data. Jane had texted a couple of hours in to let her know she wasn’t coming down, she wasn’t feeling well, and to thank her for the muffins. Around lunch time, Darcy decided she was done for the day. She wanted to go home, bury herself under her blankets on her couch, eat copious amounts of ice cream and watch sappy movies. She didn’t have anywhere to be until Sunday, so she was going to do just that for the foreseeable future. 

As she left the elevator, she saw Sam and Rhodey walking her way with a tall blonde woman she didn’t expect to see. Rhodey and Sam both smiled softly at her, but Sharon looked her up and down, smirked and muttered the word “bitch” under her breath, quiet enough that neither of the guys had heard her. Darcy stopped and stared after her flabbergasted. She had expected contempt from Bucky, maybe even Sam, but not Sharon. She hadn’t done anything to her. 

“Steve!” She heard Sharon call out. She instinctively turned toward the sound and saw Sharon run to Steve, who wrapped his arms around her with a big smile on his face. It didn’t even look like last night had happened. He caught sight of her over Sharon’s shoulder, and sort of froze for half a second. Darcy turned back the way she’d been headed and walked out the door, her head held high. 

Darcy struggled with her feelings, she didn’t get a say in who Steve saw, who he spent time with or anything else. It was none of her business. She had no one to blame for that but herself, but it still hurt. A lot more than she cared to admit to anyone, even herself. Maybe she’d have a bottle of wine with that ice cream. 


	12. Chapter Twelve

Darcy may have spent the weekend in denial, crying, and generally feeling miserable about a variety of things, but she wasn’t going to look like it by the time she reached the club. She’d showered, and pulled her hair up in a low twisty bun, it was a little messy, but artfully so. She kept her makeup light, mostly natural, but sticking with her bright red lipstick armor. Her red dress was knee length, and had a v-cut to show off her assets. She looked damn good, if she did say so herself. She’d picked out a pair of red shoes that looked a little like fishnet stockings and stopped at her ankle. They looked amazing. She’d topped the outfit off with her black leather jacket and the purse Natasha had gotten her for her birthday. 

She double checked herself in the mirror. Nope, she definitely didn’t look like she’d spent the weekend crying into a tub of ice cream, drinking a ton of wine, and mentally killing Sharon in a myriad of increasingly creative ways. Jane had told her that she was staying with Steve, because of course she was. They’d all spent Saturday night watching movies and having a group dinner in the common room. Everyone had been there, except her. She’d begged off with a headache. Jane had called her this morning to tell her all about how ‘disappointed’ Steve had been, for all of two seconds probably. Darcy shook herself, both mentally and physically. She wasn’t going to do this. She was a strong, independent woman, and she was going to go to this party and celebrate two of her favorite people. And she hoped that Steve choked to death on something. 

She knew he’d had one foot out of their relationship, but he was moving on kind of quickly. It had been a week, exactly, since she’d left. The way she saw it, he couldn’t have been as upset as Bucky seemed to think if he was already spending more  _ alone time _ with Sharon. Jane had told them all about the lunch they’d had on Saturday afternoon, apparently it was all Sharon could talk about at the impromptu movie night the night before. Darcy sighed before grabbing Nat and Bucky’s gift off of the table and walking out her door. She had to go or she’d be too late to be considered fashionably late, and she’d start edging into ‘poor Darcy almost didn’t come’ territory. Which was firmly not the case. 

When Darcy walked out the door onto the rooftop, she looked around impressed. Tony had out done himself this time. There were string lights criss crossing over the space, creating a nice warm glow against the backdrop of the night sky. There was a bar at one end, and low seating everywhere else. It was very tastefully done. Very Natasha and Bucky instead of being very Tony. Darcy was proud of him. There were people milling about all over, some she recognized, some she didn’t, but she focused on finding Jane and Thor, since the former had promised they would all hang out together to make sure Darcy had a good time. 

She finally spotted Jane sitting down not too far from the bar. Darcy dropped her gift off at the gift table before deciding to get a drink at the bar before going to say hello. While she walked, she kept her gaze on her friends. Jane was radiant in her red dress, they’d found it in a soft fabric that still looked high fashion. Thor was wearing a black button up with some black slacks, and gesturing wildly while talking to the other people crowded around the low table. As she made her way toward the bar to get a drink, she caught sight of Steve. He was wearing a black sweater, that she knew was super soft because she’d bought it for him for Christmas, and some black slacks. He looked amazing, and for a moment she remembered why she’d been attracted to him in the first place. Which just made everything harder. 

Then she saw Sharon stroll up. Her red dress was beautiful on her, and hugged her curves, topped off with a hairstyle that instantly gave her a classically beautiful look. She walked up to Steve and handed him a beer, making Steve smile widely down at her. She laid a hand on his arm and she must have said something funny because he tipped his head back and laughed with his whole body. Darcy felt her own smile slip from her face before she mentally shook herself, pasted her wide smile back on and looked away from them, continuing her way toward the bar. 

“Hello, would you like one of the specials?” The lady behind the bar asked her when she got there. 

“Which are?” She pointed at two drinks on display, one was a sparkly orange color served in a stemless wine glass, the second was a red martini with gold sugar rim, and the third was a red drink with berries and a lime on top. 

“We have a poison apple with edible glitter,” the bartender pointed to the first one, “Then a candy apple martini, and finally a Sangria Moscow Mule.” Darcy laughed slightly, of course Tony would choose these. 

“I’ll try the poison apple.” Darcy told her. 

“Sure. We have beer and other options too if you decide you’d like something else.” Darcy smiled and looked over at Jane again while she waited for her drink. She tried to turn to put her back to Steve so she wouldn’t be tempted to look at him again, but he was still close enough she could hear him laughing. She was certain she’d be able to hear his laugh in a crowd. After thanking the bartender for the drink she made her way over to where Jane and Thor were sitting. She sipped her drink on the way and it was surprisingly good. It tasted like apple cider and even though she thought it a drink better suited for the fall, she kind of loved it. 

“Lady Darcy!” Thor boomed when he saw her, standing up so he could pull her into a one armed hug. 

“Hey Big Guy.” She hugged him back, careful of her drink. She took the seat on the opposite side of Jane, that had been left empty. 

“Lady Darcy is my lightning sister, and the best friend of my Lady Jane. She is to be Godmother to the new Princess.” Thor told the group gathered around him. Those gathered seemed to assess her more carefully, if not attempting to do so covertly after hearing Thor describe her as such. Darcy paid them no mind, her attention focused on Jane. 

“Hello Janey. How are you feeling?” 

“Great. How about you? You look amazing by the way.” She leaned closer. “Steve can eat his heart out.” Darcy just grinned. 

“Let’s remember that I’m the one who broke up with him, yeah?” 

“Still, did you see him?” 

“Briefly. He was standing with a group to the other side of the bar with his ex.” 

“Sweetie, you’re his ex.” Darcy gave Jane a pointed look and tried not to laugh. She picked up her drink and took another sip. 

“Janey, we are so having these this fall, it’s called a poison apple and is made with hard cider I think. It’s amazing. These, around a campfire would be awesome.” 

“Darcy we can’t have campfires in the city.” 

“Then we are going on vacation. Or, just gonna have Tony get us a fire pit for your balcony or something.” Jane laughed. 

“Okay.” 

“Seriously Jane, I wish you could try this. It’s awesome.” 

“Is that glitter?” Jane asked looking closer at the drink. 

“Yeah. It’s great huh?” 

“Sure Darce. Whatever you say.” Thor laughed loudly next to Jane and put his arm around her shoulders causing Jane and Darcy to tune back into his conversation. 

A little while later, Darcy was back at the bar getting the three of them refills on their drinks when she felt a pair of arms slip around her waist and hug her tightly. She tensed for a second before she realized it was Bucky. She leaned back into the embrace. 

“Hey Buck.” 

“Hey, you doing okay after the other night?” She nodded softly but didn’t otherwise respond. 

“Are you stealing my fiance?” Natasha asked from her left, as Bucky let go of her. She turned to smile at the pair of them as Bucky slipped an arm around Nat’s waist and kissed her temple. 

“Never. He’s your problem. No refunds.” Darcy said with a laugh. “Congratulations again you guys. Great party.” 

“We’re glad you could make it. We missed you last night.” Nat told her, with a smirk that told her otherwise. 

“I wasn’t actually invited to that, besides I was busy.” 

“Ice cream and sappy romance movies are not the way to make it okay again Darce.” Natasha’s voice was low and Darcy swallowed hard. 

“Yeah well, you do what you gotta do, right?” Darcy asked looking down at her hands. 

“Hey guys.” The sound of Steve’s voice made her glance back up, and the look on Natasha’s face told her she wanted to say more. 

“And that’s my cue. See you guys later.” Darcy turned back to the bar, grabbed the drinks and walked away just as Steve joined them, Sharon following close behind. 

“Is it always going to be like that?” Steve asked sadly as he watched Darcy walk away.

“Hopefully.” Sharon muttered under her breath, turning her head away. Immediately three people glared at her. “Sorry.” She said just as quietly looking down. 

A couple of hours later, Darcy was standing at the sink in the bathroom washing her hands. Just as she was finishing, Sharon and Maria walked through the door. Sharon gave her a once over before pursing her lips and heading into a stall. Maria smiled at her warmly and pulled her in for a hug hello. 

“How are you? I heard about what happened, I’m glad you’re okay.” She said pulling back but keeping her hands on Darcy’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, I am too. It wasn’t fun, but life is getting back to normal now I think.” 

“Good. You need to talk or anything, about  _ anything _ , just call me. You’ve got my number right?” Darcy smiled genuinely. 

“Yes Maria, I do. I’ll see you later, yeah? I’d love to catch up before you head back to DC.” Darcy started to move away from her. 

“Definitely. Brunch tuesday?” Maria asked, grabbing her hand. 

“Let’s make it a ladies lunch, and you’re on.” Darcy told her, trying to remind herself who else was in the bathroom listening in. 

“Yes, I haven’t done one of those in awhile, I’ve missed them.” 

“You guys don’t do them in DC?” 

“No.” 

“Well, this will be fun then. I’ll text you tomorrow and we’ll get it figured out. See you later.” Darcy left the bathroom with a smile. She was proud of herself, she’d had a chance to exclude Sharon, but had extended the olive branch instead. She had no actual problem with the woman, she tried to remind herself.  _ Except she keeps hanging all over Steve, _ her brain helpfully supplied. She chose to ignore the thought. 

Darcy made her way back to where Jane was sitting at the table. She was starting to look tired, and she wondered how much longer her and Thor would stick around. When she got closer, she saw the moment that Jane saw her because she perked up a bit. 

“I hate these things.” Jane grumbled when she’d gotten closer. 

“Well, I just arranged a ladies lunch for us on Tuesday morning. So maybe hate it a little less.” 

“Ooh, with who?” Jane asked visibling perking up. 

“Well, I was talking to Maria in the bathroom. But I assume by the time this gets out, there will be several women there. Including Pepper and Natasha so you will have more people to talk to besides just me.”

“Good. I like mingling.” 

“I know. Should we go for a walk?” 

“Yeah, maybe, might wake me up a bit if we walk some.” 

“Where’s Thor?” 

“I don’t know, Steve and Tony pulled him away a few minutes ago, something about shots for Bucky, but I wasn’t paying too much attention. His fan club dispersed quickly after that.” 

“Yeah, they didn’t want to talk to a world famous astrophysicist? One that’s gonna win a Nobel prize one day?” 

“Apparently not.” Jane laughed as she pulled herself to her feet and wrapped one arm in Darcy’s. She carried her orange juice in the other while Darcy kept her drink close. She’d switched to just a bottle of hard cider a couple of drinks back, wanting the simplicity. Her game of keep away with Steve was starting to wear her down. It would be too easy to just let herself face him, and fall into his arms like she had a few days before. She couldn’t do that though, she had to be strong. 

Her and Jane wandered around the edges of the party, looking out over the city and trying to catch sight of the stars. They talked to a few people here and there, but eventually they found their way to Thor, who was still standing with Bucky and Steve. He greeted them both warmly before wrapping an arm around Jane and looking at her face for a moment. 

“It’s time we took our leave. I need to get Jane to bed.” Thor announced to the others. 

“Thanks for coming man, and thanks for the Mead.” Bucky told him, reaching to shake his hand. Thor took the proffered hand and smiled widely at Bucky. 

“It is my honest pleasure. I am very happy for you both.” He told them. 

“Congrats Bucky, tell Nat I said bye would you.” 

“Sure Jane, get some rest. Take care of the princess.” Bucky told her with a smile. “Where do you think you’re going?” Bucky said as they walked away. Darcy groaned and turned back around. She’d been trying to slip away while everyone was distracted. 

“Well, I did leave my bag unattended. Besides, you guys are fine here without me.” She chanced a glance at Steve and saw he was looking down at his glass, looking almost as uncomfortable as she felt. 

“Nah, you’re running away again.” Bucky called her out. She faced him fully and was about to respond when a new voice joined their conversation. 

“There you are. I was looking for you.” It was Sharon, because of course it was. Darcy swallowed her words, looking over at the smile that spread on Steve’s face at the new arrival. It wasn’t a full smile, one of the soft ones that he used to save for her. 

“I’ll see you around Buck. I gotta get home too.” Darcy said, pulling Bucky into a quick hug. 

“You’re leaving?” Steve’s voice was full of surprise. She looked back at him, her eyes narrowing and taking offense, even if she was sure he hadn’t meant it. 

“Yeah. I’ve had a good time, but I’m starting to feel the alcohol so I better take myself home now before I do something stupid like get myself kidnapped. Again.” She told him sarcastically. With that she turned and stalked back to the table to retrieve her purse and jacket. It had been a low blow, and she shouldn’t have taken it, but when she’d looked at him, his arm slung casually across Sharon’s shoulders, her leaning into his side, she couldn’t help it. She’d snapped. 

She gathered her things before making a beeline for the exit. She had to escape before the tears started falling, and she could feel them coming. She made it through the door and halfway down the first flight of stairs, she was just turning for the second set when she heard the door above open and slam closed, and feet moving quickly on the stairs. She closed her eyes and prayed she was wrong. 

“Darcy wait!” Steve’s voice called as he caught sight of her, and like a masochist she actually did. 

“What Steve?” She asked turning toward him, her voice harder then she’d intended, but it made him stop, a few stairs above her. 

“Are we ever going to talk about this?” 

“About what?” She was tired, and it showed in her voice. “About me leaving? Or about the other night when I had a mental breakdown? Or the fact that Sharon has been stuck to you like glue all night?” The last one wasn’t fair, but she couldn’t help it. She was just so tired of pretending to be okay. 

“Yes! All of it. Any of it. I don’t care which, just something. You keep leaving before we can talk.” Darcy groaned. His voice was so open, asking her for something, anything. For a moment she almost gave in. But only for a moment. 

“Yeah. That should say all it needs to.” She told him defensively, trying desperately to hold the tears back.

“Come on Darcy. Talk to me. What is going on in that beautiful head of yours?” He asked softly, coming a step closer. Darcy backed against the wall of the landing. 

“I can’t do this right now Steve. Not with you, not at all. Not right now.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, Steve was right in front of her, crowding in on her, but not quite in her personal space. 

“Why not? Why does everything have to be on your terms?” She could hear the steel in his voice, even as quiet as he was. She lifted her eyes to meet his. 

“Because I’m the one who left.” 

“Yes. You left. And I think I have a right to know  _ why _ . Why did you leave? Then the other night-” He cut himself off running a hand through his hair and looking away. “You can’t go and then come back just to go again. You aren’t a yo-yo and I can’t do that. You’re either in this with me, and we can try to fix whatever it is that broke it, or you can go. But if you do,” Steve swallowed hard. “If you do, stay gone.” Steve’s voice was firm, it was what she called his Captain’s voice. The one he used when he put on the suit. The one that commanded attention. The one he’d never used on her. Until now. Darcy took a ragged breath, feeling the urge to cry like a burn in her throat. 

“I  _ did _ leave Steve. You just won’t let me go.” Steve looked at her for a minute. Face hard, jaw clenched, but his eyes were pleading, for what exactly she didn’t know. She held her ground, she had to go. Had to distance herself. 

“Then go.” He told her finally, taking a step back. Darcy pushed by him to go halfway down the stairs. She whirled back to face him. He was standing there looking defeated, hands on his hips, head hanging low, all of the tension gone out of his frame. “God dammit Steve.” She ground out., his head snapping up to look at her. “I tried. I tried so hard to have a good time tonight. To celebrate the happiness of my friends. And you ruined it.” Her voice broke. “You ruined it.” Her voice was soft and broken, as she felt the tears finally start falling down her face. Steve’s face looked broken and he opened his mouth to respond but she turned back and ran down the stairs. This time, he didn’t follow her. 

When Darcy got home that night, there was a box sitting on her table. It hadn’t been there when she left for the party. Cautiously she approached it. When she got closer, she smiled, for a moment forgetting about the argument with Steve. The box was a wooden frame with clear glass on all sides. The top of it said her name in a pretty scrawled rose gold color. There was a card tucked in the corner of it, and she lifted it, looking through the box at the items inside. There was a stemless wine glass in the same color as her name on the box, it also had her name on it. There was a mini bottle of wine, a bath bomb, some macaroons from Natasha’s favorite bakery a block from the Tower, some chocolates, a small candle and a couple of hairbands that said ‘Bride Tribe’ on them. Darcy smiled, then opened the envelope. The paper was heavy, and well made. She pulled the card out of the envelope and promptly started reading. 

“Can’t get hitched without my main bitch.” Darcy read aloud, before opening the card.  _ Be my bridesmaid _ ? Natasha was too much sometimes. There was a note scrawled into the left side of the card and Darcy paused to read it. 

_ Darcy,  _

_ I know things with you and Steve are weird right now, but I still want you to be my bridesmaid, no matter what happens. You’re one of my best friends, and I can’t do this without you. I mean, the way we have it, you’ll walk with Thor anyway. At least that way your pseudo-brother can deflect. Let me know if it’s something you can’t do. I won’t take it personally, but please think about it.  _

_ Love,  _

_ Nat _

Darcy’s eyes welled with tears again. This time for a different reason. She dug through her pocket for her phone as quickly as possible, firing off a text to Natasha. 

**Darcy:** _Of course woman! No one can stop me!_

**Widow:** _Glad you made it home okay. Night._

Darcy smiled to herself as she opened the latch and pulled each item from the box individually, smelling the bath bomb. Opening the macaroons to eat one. She loved that bakery just like Nat did, it was all the woman’s fault anyway. She idly wondered who else got a box. Feeling a bit better, she wandered into the bathroom to change out of her dress and pull on a pair of the pajamas she’d gotten from Pepper for her birthday. When she got in bed, she tried to focus on the happy things that had happened that evening, not the bad. It worked for a little bit. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see Steve’s face. She’d done it again, she’d broken his heart all over again. With a sigh, she turned on her side, pulled her blankets closer and cried into the pillow she clutched to her chest. The one Steve used to sleep on. The one that still sort of smelled like him. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Bucky smiled as he let himself into Steve’s apartment. Quiet, so he didn’t wake Sharon in the guest room, he wanted to make sure Steve got his Best Man box. It was still sitting on the counter, bow still wrapped around it. So he hadn’t opened it yet, then again, he’d been pretty sloshed when Bucky and Sharon had helped him to bed. So it appeared he hadn’t been up yet. He’d gone home before Steve had been settled, leaving the lush to Sharon, since it was partially her fault he’d gotten so sloshed. He didn’t feel  _ too  _ bad about it, not really. Smiling again, and shaking his head he pushed Steve’s door open. 

Bucky froze. Sharon was in Steve’s bed. Steve pulled back from where he had obviously been kissing her, and blinked at him. 

“Buck? What’s wrong?” He asked.

“God you're an idiot Steve.” He told him before turning and walking away, muttering under his breath and clenching his fist in an effort not to punch something. 

“Buck! It’s not what, it-” Bucky whirled around to stare at Steve who had jumped up and followed him out of the room. 

“I swear to god Steve, if you tell me it wasn’t what it looked like, I’m going to throw you through another wall.” His voice was terse, almost speaking through his teeth. 

“She kissed me!” Steve defended, then stopped. “Why am I defending myself to you? I don’t have to.” Steve crossed his arms and stood to his full height. Bucky straightened as well. 

“You’re right. You don’t have to defend yourself to  _ me _ .” Steve narrowed his eyes, muscles flexing slightly. 

“She made her decision Buck. It wasn’t me.” 

“So that’s it?” Bucky asked him flatly. 

“That’s it.” Steve affirmed. 

“Just like that?” 

“Just like that.” 

“Wow. You’re a bigger idiot than I thought.” With a shake of his head Bucky turned and left the apartment. He stopped outside in the hall to take a deep breath and settle his nerves. His phone pinged in his pocket. 

**Thor:** _Thank you for the gift. I would be honored to stand with you._

An idea struck Bucky then, he walked into his apartment quickly sliding his phone back into his pocket. 

“Natalia!” He called. 

“Yes?” Natasha stuck her head out of the bathroom and looked at him with a raised brow. 

“Are you decent?” 

“Um,” Natasha looked down, then stepped out of the bathroom so he could see her. She was wearing her pajama pants and a tank top, it would be fine. 

“Grab your slippers. We have to go.” 

“Should I get dressed? Grab a gun maybe?” She asked confused, but put her slippers on anyway, then grabbed her robe off of the end of the bed and tied it around her waist. 

“No, there’s no time. And probably a good idea to keep the guns away from me for a bit.” 

“Who’s the target?” She asked following him out of the apartment again. 

“Steve.” Natasha raised an eyebrow as she followed him onto the elevator. He pushed the floor number and didn’t look at his fiance, just let them ride in silence. 

He was down the hall in a few paces, and knocking on Thor and Jane’s door just ast Natasha caught up to him. She didn’t say anything, just reached out and grabbed his hand in her own. It immediately calmed some of his frayed nerves. 

“Good morning!” Thor said brightly, opening the door. He was dressed in just his sleep pants and looked like he’d just gotten up. 

“Morning, can we join you for breakfast? We have a problem we have to fix.” Jane pulled the door open and looked over at the two of them. 

“Come in.” She offered, stepping back to let them pass. Bucky saw her and Natasha share a look. 

“What’s wrong?” Thor’s voice had taken on the deadly calm tone Bucky was used to hearing in missions. 

“We have incredibly stupid and stubborn friends who refuse to be sensilbe. So, since they won’t fix it, we are going to have to before one of them does something incredibly stupid.” Bucky told them as they all gathered around the island counter in the kitchen. 

“What did Steve do now?” Natasha asked. 

“How do you know it wasn’t Darcy?” Jane asked, “She’s been acting ridiculous as well.” 

“He went out to see how Steve was feeling this morning, and came back talking about hiding the guns from him. Only one person on the planet causes that response. Steve.” Natasha told her, accepting the cup of coffee Thor handed her with a grateful smile. 

“What happened to the Captain?” Thor asked, handing a cup to Bucky as well before he settled down on a stool next to Jane. 

“Nothing but a bad hangover and a case of stupidity.” Bucky mumbled before taking a drink of the hot beverage in front of him. 

“You have to do a better job of explaining then that Babe.” Natasha told him. 

“Okay, so i went to see how Steve was doing. And Sharon was in his bed, and they were kissing. You’ll all be happy to know that I  _ didn’t  _ throw him through a wall.” Bucky paused to smile. “But I did threaten to.” 

“Wait, he was in bed with Sharon?” Jane asked. 

“Yes.” 

“Kissing her?” Natasha asked. 

“Yup.” 

“You’re sure.” 

“Yes. Got all defensive about it when I told him he was an idiot.” 

“So, what does that have to do with all of us?” 

“Look, we all know Darcy and Steve are meant to be together right?” 

“Yeah.” Natasha and Jane answered immediately. 

“I quite liked them together, I thought they’d be together for quite a while, but it seems like this should be a them issue, is it not?” Thor asked confused. 

“Sweetie, we have left them to their own devices for a week now. So far, they’ve each had at least two major breakdowns, spent a night together during said breakdown, and now Steve is kissing Sharon and Darcy is eating her weight in ice cream.” Jane told him with a grin. 

“They got into an argument after you guys left last night. It was brutal.” Everyone turned to look at Natasha. “What? I was coming out of the bathroom, I didn’t want them to know that I’d overheard.” Everyone looked at her expectantly. She took another drink of her coffee before speaking again. “Neither one of them were pulling their punches. She basically told him she left and wouldn’t talk to him about why. Although she did let out a good shot about him letting Sharon hang all over him. He told her she needed to decide right then, either she stays with him and they work on fixing whatever was broken, or she leave. And if she left, she had to stay gone. She cried. A lot after she walked away from him. And Steve proceeded to get rip roaring drunk on most of the Mead that was left.” 

“There was over half a bottle left when I left last night.” Thor told them, eyes wide. 

“Yeah, there's probably enough left for a shot.” Bucky told him before he took another drink of his own coffee. 

“That’s, that’s a lot.” Thor commented, his eyebrows pulled together in concern. 

“Don’t worry, he’s fine now.” Bucky said, waving him off. 

“Where was this argument? I can’t believe they got into it at your engagement party. What are they gonna do, try to kill each other at your wedding?” Jane commented. 

“It’s a possibility. They’re both in the wedding.” Natasha said, shaking her head. 

“Oh, that could be bad. Thank you, by the way.” 

“Don’t thank me yet, you’re walking with Tony.” Jane made a face before she laughed. “But no, Darcy was leaving I think, they were in the stairwell that led down to the elevators.” 

“Wait, did something happen after we walked away?” Jane turned to Bucky. “We left her with you and - Oh no.” Bucky nodded. 

“Yeah, Steve didn’t say anything to her until she said she was going to head out though. Then all he did was ask if she was leaving. She kind of bit his head off. Said something about wanting to get back home before she was too drunk to avoid being kidnapped. Which _ I  _ thought they had talked about, apparently not.” 

“What are you talking about?” Thor asked, eyes narrowing. 

“A couple of weeks ago they got into an argument and Steve basically implied that if Darcy hadn’t been upset with him for no reason, his words, she wouldn’t have gotten plastered that night and been kidnapped.” Jane gasped. “I told him he was an idiot and told him to fix it. He hadn’t meant it the way it had come out, but that  _ is _ the way Darcy took it. He told me that they talked about it. I wonder now if they actually did.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jane got up to pace. Thor pulled her into his side. 

“It’s okay love. Darcy is fine. Captain Rogers may have said something stupid, but it sounds as though he didn’t mean it.” He consoled her. She nodded before resting her head on his shoulder. 

“This does raise a question though.” Natasha said, putting her cup down on the counter. “We’ve all been kind of hands off when it comes to the two of them since Darcy got back. Letting Steve handle things, helping if we could. But, if he felt that Darcy was upset for no reason  _ before _ she got kidnapped, what was going on before that that we didn’t know about?” Jane groaned. 

“I told her to talk to him. I knew she hadn’t but I didn’t even think about it getting so much worse after. I was just too worried about her and trying not to stress since stress and I aren’t friends right now.” Jane said, returning to her seat with a pout. 

“Care to share with the class?” Bucky asked her. 

“Well, just after your birthday, actually it started on your birthday if I remember correctly. Steve muttered Peggy’s name in his sleep,” Bucky nodded, he’d heard it before. “And normally Darcy just brushes that off, but apparently he doesn’t usually say it while he’s got her wrapped in his arms. And this time was different because he’d also muttered I love you with Peggy’s name. At least she thinks the two were connected. Then she said he did it again a few days later and she couldn’t figure out why it was bothering her so much, it normally didn’t.” 

“What’d you tell her?” Natasha asked. 

“I told her it was her insecurities plaguing her again. Then you guys had left on that mission suddenly and Steve didn’t bother to tell her he was leaving. She was on edge that whole week. I talked to Thor twice while you guys were gone, but Steve didn’t so much as send her a text. I told her she just needed to talk to him. Let him know how she was feeling, even if it was irrational, it needed to be addressed and Steve couldn’t do anything about making her feel more secure if she didn’t tell him how she was feeling.” Everyone around the table nodded, they’d all figured this part out in their own relationships forever ago. “Then you guys got back and everything seemed to be fine. She was a little on edge a couple of times, but she just said she wasn’t sleeping.” 

“What about DC? Do you know what happened before he left for DC?” Natasha asked. Jane shook her head. 

“I do, at least from Steve’s recount I can guess.” 

“Okay,” Jane encouraged him. 

“Well according to Steve, she walked into the bedroom, and he was on the tail end of a call with Sharon. Steve recounted the conversation, and if I were Darcy, and already insecure, I would have thought Steve was cheating.” At everyone’s curious looks, he went on. “Steve said that he was talking to Sharon about seeing her soon, and he said he missed her. Mentioned that he never saw her because she refused to come to New York. It would have looked bad from Darcy’s perspective. If we are reading this right.” 

“Well, I mean, yeah, but there had to be more to that. She was mad after lunch that day.” 

“I don’t know. I mean, if she was insecure, it probably started festering and she probably started finding problems everywhere. Then her freakout last week.” Natasha turned to Bucky. 

“Let’s just say they got intimate, and something happened, I don’t know all of the specifics, but Steve called, panicking himself and Darcy was having a really bad panic attack. Nat and I went over, I got Darcy to calm down, and Nat got Steve. Whatever happened, it shook him really bad. That was Tuesday?” He looked at Nat, who nodded, “before they broke up. Steve said she’d been acting kind of weird that night, he said the whole night felt like a goodbye, and then she was gone. Darcy said after what happened Tuesday he was different. More distant. She said he’d already left the relationship, even if he didn’t know it yet. She was adamant she did it because he didn’t care.” 

“Well, I mean, we all saw how much he cared about her, but he never even told her that he loved her.” Jane interrupted. Bucky, Natasha, and Thor all looked at her shocked. 

“What are you talking about dearest? The Captain said he loved her all the time.” Thor told her. 

“Well, maybe to you guys, but according to Darcy he never said it to her. Except a couple of times when he was asleep, and once right after sex.” Bucky growled. 

“James,” Natasha placed a hand on his arm. 

“He told me he told her. He told me he’d told her several times that he loved her but she never said it back.” He looked up at Jane. “You mean to tell me that according to Darcy, he never once looked her in the eye, and told her that he loved her?” 

“According to Darcy, no. I certainly never heard it. Why, did he tell you guys he loved her?” 

“All the fucking time.” Bucky was mad. 

“Walk it off James.” Natasha told him in Russian. He took a few steps away and tried to clear his head. Natasha turned back to the group and continued in English. “So, if Steve never actually told Darcy that he loved her, him saying Peggy’s name and then I love you in his sleep would be enough to make her paranoid. Especially if he did it more than once.” Natasha looked at Jane and Thor. Jane nodded. “And then overhearing a conversation that on Steve’s end was innocent, but she had that paranoia anyway. She got mad and stormed out. We all knew he didn’t get to say goodbye to her before he left for DC. We know what happened when he was in DC. We couldn’t reach him for almost, sixteen hours or so once we realized she was missing. She had to have known that.” 

“She did. He told her, the same time he told her he had had lunch with Sharon. The same time he accused her of being too drunk to not get kidnapped.” Bucky said, stepping back to the counter. He wrapped an arm around Natasha and kissed her temple. “Thanks Natalia.” He whispered into her hair. “It was a big fight. So if she was already suspicious of him, and then found out all of that, after what she’d gone through.” He stopped and swallowed for a moment. “You know the first thing she asked me for, when she figured out it was actually me and not a hallucination brought on by the drugs, was for Steve.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, pulling the hair tie out and slipping it onto his metal wrist. “If I were Darcy, I’d be having a really hard time. Especially if Steve was distant after whatever happened, happened last week. If Steve pulled away, even just because he needed a bit of time, of course she would think he had one foot out the door. And she really does believe that you guys. But I know otherwise. I know he was prepped to ask her to move in with him before her birthday. And I know that when I took him with me to pick out Nat’s ring, there was one case in particular that he couldn't stay away from. I took a look when I went back to pick up your ring, Nat. It was a bunch of solitaire Sapphires. I had been right, it was a full case of engagement rings, ones much larger than his Ma had had, but there was one that was set almost the same way I remember Sarah’s. The only really expensive thing she owned.” Bucky looked up at the group. Jane had tears in her eyes, and Thor was rubbing her back while looking perplexed. 

“If the Captain was even thinking about marriage, why wouldn’t he tell her he loved her? I thought that’s the way things went here on Midgard.” 

“He says he did tell her, and she didn’t say it back. So, he stopped saying it, and didn't want to pressure her. Just decided to show her through actions instead.” Bucky told him. 

“Which would be why we could all see it and she could not.” 

“Darcy needs to hear the words. Despite how much she misses her parents, they weren’t the most expressive bunch. She’s comfortable around scientists because she grew up taking care of her mom. Her dad left when she was like five, and her mom died when she was in high school. She stayed with her Grandma until college, but even she had died before I met her. She needs to hear the words, not just see the actions. The actions will tell her you care, but the words are very important. Even if they’re written down.” Jane told the group softly, feeling for the first time all morning that she was betraying Darcy by talking about her. 

“So what do we do?” 

“Well, they’re both so hell bent on their mutual destruction. A few days ago, she had a breakdown in the middle of the night. I found her baking in the common room here at like three am. She said she’d had a nightmare. Apologized all over herself for being in our space. I waved it off at the time, but I think she misses it. She has spent quite a bit of time here over the last year. When she started crying, and I mean really crying, we were talking about the situation with Steve. I was trying to understand how two people who loved each other could be over with a note that just said ‘Forever wouldn’t have been enough’.” 

“That was what her Grandma and Grandpa used to say to one another. It was the only example of love Darcy ever really had.” Jane told him. 

“That makes sense. She told me she didn’t feel like enough. And if she thought he was unhappy, or wanted to be somewhere else instead of with her, then it would make sense.” Bucky nodded. 

“That was Thursday night right?” Jane asked. 

“Sharon got here Friday afternoon with Sam and Rhodey.” 

“Sharon. Oh god, she’s been staying at Steve’s. She was all over him last night, and I know it was so he didn’t have to be alone with Darcy at any point, although now I think she may have had ulterior motives.” Natasha said groaning. 

“Right. After what I walked in and saw this morning. I asked Steve, he’s not gonna fight for her. He said she told him she was gone, so he’s just gonna let her go.” 

“Well, she did tell him last night that he wouldn’t let her go.” 

“Yeah, but if you’d seen the two of them Thursday night, early Friday morning, whatever, neither one of them are done. I know I can’t be the only one who saw the way they were looking at each other when no one else was paying attention last night.” Bucky looked up for confirmation. 

“So, they’re stupid. Stubborn. Hate it when any of us meddles. And can’t communicate for shit. Babe, we gotta figure this out, or they might actually kill each other at the wedding.” Natasha turned to Bucky with a frown, she didn't want to ruin her big day, but she wouldn't uninvite Darcy from the bridal party. Steve was just going to have to suck it up. 

“Please tell me you didn’t pair them up?” Jane whined. 

“No, you have Tony because Thor is walking with Darcy. Pepper has to walk with Steve.” Natasha told her with a smile, reaching over to pat her hand. 

“We’ve asked Steve to be the godfather. This could get way messier then it already is.” Thor told the group. 

“Well, they’re gonna have to pull their heads out of their asses. I think we should just try to let little bits of information slip into conversation maybe, then let them have a chance to talk. If they think it wasn’t their idea, it will never work.” Jane told them. 

“We have to move quickly. Steve is already moved on to his ‘get stupid after a breakup’ phase.”

“Well, we have that ladies lunch tomorrow, we could start by icing out the competition, let her know exactly where we stand without so many words.” Jane said to Natasha with a smile. Natasha grinned back, intending to rope Pepper in on that part of the plan. 

“You’ve been spending too much time together.” Bucky said, shaking his head. “Then he looked up at Thor, a mischievous smile on his face. “Buddy, you look like you need to hit something. Steve and I were supposed to spar in about an hour. I guarantee he’ll still show up, but how about instead of me, you go.” Thor smiled. 

“I’d very much like to talk to him. With my fists.” 

“And where will you be?” Natasha asked Bucky with a grin. 

“Well, I have some super important Super Soldier business to attend to and just can’t make it.” Bucky attempted to sound apologetic but didn’t look it in the slightest. Jane laughed. 

“Shit.” She exclaimed, getting down off of the stool quickly. 

“What?” Everyone asked her. 

“I was supposed to be in the lab ten minutes ago. Darcy’s going to get suspicious and come up here to get me out of bed if I don’t show up soon.” 

“Tell her you and Thor were busy.” Natasha raised her eyebrows comically at her. 

“It might work.” Thor grinned. “You aren’t actually getting more sex. Stop it.” She slapped his bicep before leaning in to give her a kiss. 

“Then I’ll go distract her so you have a little time to get ready.” Natasha told them all, getting up from the island. 

“How?” Jane narrowed her gaze at her. 

“By telling her the truth. I overheard her and Steve last night in the stairwell, and wanted to make sure she was okay. I won’t tell her I heard all of it, just the tail end. Besides, it can be a bit of reconnaissance. If I have it my way, they’ll be back together before the princess makes her appearance. 

“Well, we better hurry, cause that’s like a month from now, and it seems Sharon may have her hooks into Steve already.” 

“Did you guys know Sharon had a steady boyfriend back in DC?” Natasha asked walking backwards towards the door. 

“Really?” 

“No!” 

“Yeah, I bet Steve didn’t know either.” Natasha threw a wink their way before she led Bucky from the apartment with a wave. 

“Come here.” Thor told Jane, pulling her to him after they were gone. He pulled her close and started kissing her neck. 

“What are you doing, I said I had to go.” 

“Lending credibility to your story.” He whispered before biting down just over her pulse point and drawing blood to the surface. Jane melted into his arms and didn’t complain any more. 

Jane passed Natasha as she hurried into the lab. Nat just winked at her before she was out the door, leaving Jane with a happy, but somewhat subdued Darcy.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Panic Attack

Darcy plastered a smile on her face Tuesday morning, she hadn’t slept well. She had had a pretty bad nightmare, and then when she woke, she missed Steve. She’d dreampt he’d found her in that place, but instead of saving her, he had told her she was damaged and he could never love her that way, then he walked out and left her there. She’d screamed for him in the dream, and woke with his name still on her lips. She wanted nothing more than to just call him and hear him tell her that it wasn’t true and that she was worth saving. She wanted him to tell her that he loved her. But even when they’d fought Sunday at the party, he hadn’t been able to tell her he loved her. He had said everything but the one thing she’d needed to hear. Then she’d gone ahead and purposefully and without too much thought destroyed whatever hope there could have still been. 

When Jane came in, she was already in science mode and by the time Darcy broke her away for their ladies lunch, Jane was so caught up in what she was trying to figure out, she almost didn’t come with her. But Darcy didn’t want to go without Jane for backup. Sharon was coming to the lunch, and she just knew it was going to get catty. She just had to remind herself that she chose her life path, and she didn’t have to tolerate nor sink to her level. 

They arrived at the restaurant Pepper had booked and were led outside to the back patio, where part of the group was already seated. They said their hello’s and were just about to take their seats when Sharon and Maria were led out to the patio. 

“So you do own something besides sweatpants, who knew?” Sharon all but sneered, looking right at Darcy. 

“Darcy, you do look amazing today. Is that floral thing new?” Natasha told her before she even had time to formulate a response. 

“Where’d you get it? I’ve been looking for something like that for mine and Tony’s anniversary vacation.” Pepper added, leaning over to feel the material. Darcy looked between her friends, a tad confused, but also a tad awed. 

“I got it online, I’ll send you the link.” She told Pepper, her smile slowly starting to grow. “And thank you Natasha, yes, I got it a couple of weeks ago.” 

“Does it come in blue?” Maria asked sitting down on the other side of Pepper, leaving the last seat open next to Natasha. Sharon grinned like she’d won something when she sat down, probably not realizing she was in the most dangerous seat, closest to Natasha’s dominant hand. 

“Maria, you can’t wear blue all of the time.” Natasha chided gently. 

“Yes, Maria it does.” Darcy told her with a laugh. “I think Jane got one in burgundy, right?” 

“Yeah, but there were a bunch of really pretty colors.” Jane told her, squeezing Darcy’s hand under the table. 

“Speaking of buying things, Nat, where did you get the macaroons you put in the box? I want to take some back to DC with me.” Maria asked her. 

“From her favorite bakery downtown. It’s pretty close to my therapist’s office, and I have to head there after this, want me to show you?” Darcy offered, not looking up from her menu. 

“That’d be great.” Maria agreed. 

“Speaking of the boxes, Nat, that was genius. I love that stemless wine glass you picked out.” Pepper told her. 

“I used that bath bomb last night, and ladies, I feel amazing today.” Maria commented, before taking a sip of her water. 

“The chocolate was good. Thanks for the mini bottle of sparkling juice, it was a thoughtful touch.” Jane added. 

“I want more of those hair ties. I was skeptical, but they’re awesome.” Darcy said pointing to the hair tie currently holding her hair into an artfully messy bun. 

“You got one?” Sharon looked at Darcy like she’d just realized she was the only one who had not received one. 

“I’m glad you all like them so much.” Natasha said with a slight blush, completely ignoring that Sharon had spoken. Darcy would have to remember to thank her friends later for making her feel important. 

As they were finishing their food, Natasha looked over at Darcy, a small smirk on her face, and mischief in her eyes. Darcy laid her fork down and waited for whatever it was that Nat was going to ask her. 

“Darce, Bucky and I cannot agree on a type of cologne for Steve as a birthday gift, what’s his favorite?” 

“He likes-” Sharon started. 

“I wasn’t speaking to you. Your name is not Darcy.” Natasha told her coldly. Darcy couldn’t see Nat’s face, being turned away from her, but she knew by the tone of voice that the face was probably deadly. By the time she’d turned back to Darcy however, she was smiling again. 

“He’s not a big fan of cologne actually. He prefers Old Spice, as cliche as it sounds. There is this one he likes, that I know he’s almost out of, or was last time I checked. I don’t remember the name off hand, but I’ll look it up and text you.” Darcy was proud of how confident and casual she sounded. Why was Natasha purposefully bringing up Steve? What was she doing?

“Thank you. Bucky owes me.” The same mischievous glint was back in her eyes at that. Darcy chuckled. 

“Owes you what?” Jane asked, taking the last bite of her salad. 

“Do not answer that. There are certain things I do not need to know.” Darcy told her laughing. 

The table devolved into laughter as Natasha’s smile turned shark-like. The rest of the lunch was pleasant. Sharon had finally decided to be quiet. Darcy wasn’t sure why she was one of Steve’s best friends if this was how she behaved all the time. It didn’t make sense, then again, what did she know. She hadn’t ever actually met her before. 

By the time Maria and Darcy were climbing into a cab toward the bakery, Darcy was in a much better mood. She was glad she’d gone. Jane rode back to the tower with Natasha, Pepper, and Sharon, and Darcy almost felt bad for Sharon on that car ride. Almost. 

“I’m sorry about Sharon. I don’t know what her deal is. She isn’t normally like this.” Maria told her softly once they’d driven away from the restaurant. 

“I figured she wasn’t. But you don’t have to apologize for her. She’s probably mad at me on principle for breaking up with Steve. The problem is, no one else was in our relationship but us. So no one else’s opinion really matters. I’ve indulged Bucky by talking to him about it, but it’s because I know that he cares about both of us. He isn’t defensive on either of our behalfs. He’s just Buck. Everyone else has been like that too. No one else has started treating me differently just because I’m not dating Steve anymore. I’m back to Lab Assistant status. Not really important, so far no one seems to mind.” 

“That’s because we may have originally met Darcy Lewis, Lab Assistant, but now we all know and love Darcy, loudmouth life of the party that mingles with hundred year old super soldiers, gods, and billionaires and treats them all the same. You were never afraid or intimidated by any of us because of who we were, you just tried to see who we were as people and you’re awesome. We love you. Besides, once you’re in the Avengers family, you kind of never get to leave. The ladies gotta stick together.” Maria told her with a smile. “Personally, given recent history, I think you’ve earned your stripes.” Darcy didn’t respond, a little choked up, she just bumped Maria’s shoulder with her own. 

The good feelings lasted all week. Even after Maria left to go back to DC, taking Sharon with her. She was even in a good mood on Friday when she helped Jane turn the common room on their floor into the perfect place for a baby shower. She helped decorate, and baked the cupcakes. She’d come back early the next day to frost and decorate them. She left Jane directing Thor and Bucky on how to rearrange the furniture in their apartment for the card game the guys would be playing. 

When she returned the next day, she felt a little bit more like the old Darcy then she had in a couple of months. She’d worn a pair of jeans, and one of her new Godmother shirts, with just a pair of flip-flops. She hadn’t made any special effort, even though it was a party. She had finally realized that her friends loved and accepted her the way she was, and she didn’t need to pretend everything was fine. It left her feeling lighter. Not being with Steve wasn’t going to to bump her out of her group of friends. When she’d first come to the Tower with Jane, she was sort of on the fringes of everyone. Once she’d started dating Steve, it brought her more firmly into the group. She was glad that not having the status of his girlfriend wasn’t enough to bump her back off of everyone’s radar. A lot had happened in the last year and she was glad that she was finally starting to enjoy life again. 

She went straight upstairs to frost and decorate the cupcakes, then Jane had her doing a thousand last minute things. The party was already in full swing before Natasha stopped in front of her and handed her a glass of champagne with a smile. 

“Slow down. Everything is great. Jane will love you forever. Now enjoy yourself.” Nat told her, gesturing to where Jane was sitting with her mom and her grandma. Darcy smiled and nodded. 

The group played cheesy Baby Shower themed games, and had a riotous time. Despite what Natasha had told her, Darcy continued to keep an eye on the food and drinks. Making sure there was always more than enough to go around. An hour in, Steve tried to wander into the party without being spotted. Darcy was in the kitchen, laying out more chips and soda. 

“Hey.” Steve’s voice was soft and hesitant behind her. She turned and smiled at him. 

“Hey,” Darcy smiled slightly at him before turning back to what she was doing. 

“I was sent out for snacks.” He said, a little awkwardly. 

“How’s it going in there? You guys having fun?” Darcy asked him nodding and immediately started to gather some food for him to take back for the guys. 

“Tony is wiping the floor with all of us. I think he’s cheating, I just can’t figure out how.” 

“Disable Friday in the apartment. He’s most likely using her. Is he wearing his glasses?” 

“Yeah.” Steve’s voice sounded a little awed, like he hadn’t even thought about it. 

“So the odds are pretty good he’s cheating. Trust me. Turn off Friday in the apartment.” She smiled at him as confidently as she could, turning to hand him the collection of snacks and drinks she’d put together. He smiled softly at her, and her facade almost cracked. “Look at us, having a real adult conversation and everything. We haven’t even had a big argument and ruined another party yet.” Steve chuckled and shook his head. 

“Party’s not over yet.” He replied cheekily. 

“You plan on arguing with me again?” She stuck a hand on a hip and looked at him. Neither of them noticed the attention they were drawing from Natasha, and Jane. 

“Not today.” He told her with a smile. 

“Good.” She smiled, before he lifted the drinks in a sort of wave and walked away. Darcy turned her back to the party and braced herself on the sink with her arms, hanging her head and letting out a breath. 

“That seemed to go well.” Natasha said from behind her. 

“Now I know why people smoke. I need a cigarette or something. That was horrible.” She said turning to face her, surprised to see Jane and Pepper standing there as well. 

“How about some more champagne?” Pepper told her, handing out a glass. 

“You did great Darcy.” Jane added, taking her arm as Darcy took the glass from Pepper. 

“Thanks guys. It means a lot that you’re here for me.” 

“Always. We’ve all been there.” Pepper told her with a smile. 

“Now come on, let’s play another game.” Jane told her giddily. Natasha grinned at her, raising her glass just a bit. 

An hour later, the guys had come out of the apartment so Jane and Thor could open presents. Everyone gathered around. For some reason, when Steve came out, it felt more awkward now. They purposely stood away from each other, and not making eye contact. It seemed to make it a bit worse. Darcy had been slightly encouraged by their earlier conversation. She was foolish for getting her hopes up. She watched Jane open several presents, oohed and awed over each of them, but she couldn’t help but feel off. Like an itch she couldn’t quite scratch, it ate at her. Even though she didn’t know what  _ it _ was. 

“Oh Steve.” Jane said reverently, lifting a beautiful floral blanket out of the box she’d just opened. Even from where she stood near the back of the group Darcy could tell it was soft. It looked to be backed by a faux fur of some sort. Something in her ached, and she couldn’t quite place the feeling, so she tried to ignore it. Thor took the box from Jane and pulled a small stuffed fox out of it. It was a rag doll, dressed in a cute little dress that matched the blanket. It too looked extremely soft. The ache in Darcy’s chest increased, and she started feeling like she was going to have a panic attack, but she wasn’t sure why. “These are beautiful.” Jane told him, that same soft voice. 

“Well, I just thought my Goddaughter should have something soft.” He told them, ducking his head a bit. “I can’t take all the credit though, Sharon helped me pick them out.” 

Darcy couldn’t breathe. The breath she’d been fighting to pull in, was knocked out of her when he’d called  _ her _ Goddaughter  _ his _ Goddaughter. She didn't know they’d asked Steve to be the Godfather. She was already struggling, but then he’d said Sharon had helped him and she felt her heart stop. The panic attack she’d felt on the edge of started bubbling to the top. Darcy didn’t make a sound, just turned and tried to quietly walk away. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself, it was embarrassing. 

She made her way to the balcony, and quietly let herself out. Once outside, she rounded the corner, just outside the view from the windows, and let herself lean against the wall, trying desperately to pull a deep breath. She didn’t know what brought this on, couldn’t figure it out. She squatted down and put her arms over her head, trying to make herself smaller. Counting out her breaths, trying to get her body to obey before she ended up in a panic attack she couldn’t get herself out of. 

“Darcy?” She looked up at the newcomer with wide eyes. Steve was standing there looking concerned. Immediately he squatted down in front of her, putting his hands on her knees to balance himself. He reached for one of her hands, then pulled it away from her neck. He placed it over his chest and started breathing deep. It had always worked before. She let him manipulate her, she knew he was only trying to help, even though she was starting to think whatever set her off had something to do with him. “You look scared to death Darce, but you’re doing great. Breathe sweetie. Breathe.” He encouraged, squeezing her knee where his other hand still rested. She closed her eyes and tried to do what he asked. It took a few minutes, all the while he encouraged her, but she was able to pull a full breath again. Darcy pulled her hand back from Steve’s chest and wiped her face. “Okay?” He asked, pulling his hand away from her, touching the ground to keep himself balanced on the balls of his feet. 

“Yeah.” 

“What happened?” 

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. Steve cocked his head to the side and looked at her. “I don’t Steve. I have no clue. I was fine one minute then the next I couldn’t breathe.” 

“But you’re okay now?” He asked standing up, Darcy stood as well. 

“Yes. Thank you for your help. But I’m fine. You can go back to the party now. I just need a minute.” 

“I’ll wait with you.” He told her softly. 

“Why Steve? You owe me nothing. Why pretend you care now?” She was being defensive, although she couldn’t tell if it was because she was feeling vulnerable in general, or vulnerable in front of him specifically.

“Pretend? Pretend to care? Was that what I was doing?” He asked, his voice rising with the disbelief she could hear plainly in his tone. They were going to argue today after all. 

“I don’t know Steve. You tell me.” She snapped back at him. 

“Once again, Darcy is pissed and I’m confused. How did this become my life?” He turned away briefly then turned back to face her. “What did I do?” He demanded, hands on his hips. “What did I ever do to you? To make you hate me so damn much.” Darcy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

“You didn’t do anything Steve.” She said softly. She didn’t want to fight with him. She wanted a hug. She wanted to tell him she still loved him, that she could never hate him. She wanted to tell him what had caused the panic attack. But she couldn’t.

“Then why? Why keep pushing me away? Why keep doing this?” He asked, taking a step closer to her, crowding her against the wall that she was still leaning against for support. 

Darcy opened her mouth to respond, not even a hundred percent sure what was going to come out of her mouth when she was interrupted by a loud piercing sound. The Assemble Alarm was going off inside the building. 

“We aren’t done with this conversation.” Steve told her firmly, almost angrily. Darcy shut her eyes and nodded, lowering her head. When she opened her eyes again, he was gone. 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

“I’m tired of this shit. Get your bag. We’re leaving.” Jane announced around one o’clock on Tuesday afternoon. Darcy looked up at her petite friend a bit shocked. “Now woman! Let’s go!” Jane insisted. 

“Okay, okay! I’m going!” She said startled, getting up and grabbing her purse and allowing Jane to herd her out of the lab and to the elevators. 

“I’m just feeling stir crazy is all. Besides, I need to go get a few more things for our little princess that we didn’t get at the shower, so I thought you could come with me.” Jane told her with a smile once they were in the elevator. 

“You know, you could have led with that.” Darcy told her with a laugh. Jane joined in on the laughter as she led them to the small cafe in the lobby of the Tower. 

“I know. But my way was more fun. You should have seen your face.” 

After getting some liquid refreshment, they headed off to the dreaded boxed baby store to get the last of the essentials Jane didn’t already have. They spent over an hour checking things off of Jane’s list, before they arranged to have it all delivered to the Tower the following day, Jane carrying a couple of the smaller purchases with her. They decided to just spend the afternoon shopping at some of their favorite places, since Jane was fully in retail therapy mode. 

“What’s wrong? You were in such a good mood, now you seem down. What’s up?” Jane told her while they walked down the street. 

“I was thinking about the letter.” Darcy admitted quietly. 

“What letter? Oh!  _ The _ letter.” 

“Yes,  _ The  _ letter. The letter for Steve that tells him all about how I really love him and that I’m just super insecure and that I go to sleep at night missing the smell of his soap. Which by the way, that was creepy. Way to use your sober powers against my slightly intoxicated self. Evil Dr. Odinson. Evil.” Darcy narrowed her eyes at Jane playfully. Jane just smiled and linked her arm with Darcy’s as they walked down the street. 

“You know, I didn’t actually do anything. I merely made a suggestion after you went on and on about how badly you wanted to smell him when you’d been talking at the party.” 

“Again, Drunk Darcy isn’t allowed to make decisions.” 

“But I like Drunk Darcy.” Jane told her in a pouty tone. 

“I know Janey. But she’s too easy to manipulate.” 

“Not usually, just when someone says Steve.” Darcy put a hand to her forehead and groaned. 

“Let it go Jane. We are done. He told me to stay gone, remember?”

“I know sweetie. I don’t think he meant it though.” 

“He did.” 

“He also said you guys were gonna talk when he got back, right?” 

“Yeah, more likely we’ll argue again. We can’t have a single civil conversation with each other.” 

“That’s because you’re both too busy fighting the urge to jump the others bones.” Jane sniggered at Darcy’s mock glare. Darcy opened her mouth to respond, then closed it. She tried again, and did the same. Finally she just glared at Jane again and muttered for her to shut up. 

Jane’s phone rang and Darcy waited on the sidewalk with her while she pulled her phone out of her purse and answered it. Darcy didn’t pay attention to the conversation, just looked around at the city that she had grown to love over the last couple of years. She loved it here and was glad she wasn’t going to have to find another job and move away. Although if she couldn’t figure out how to quit arguing with Steve, she may need to find different employment, but that was a thought for later. 

“We gotta go.” Jane brought her back to the present when she grabbed her wrist and drug her to the curb. She hailed a taxi and almost shoved Darcy into the backseat before she climbed in herself, already barking out the address to the Tower as she got in herself. 

“Jane!” Darcy said loudly. “What’s going on?” 

“That was Natasha.” She said, voice devoid of emotion. Darcy immediately grabbed her hand. “She said he’s okay, mostly just banged up, but he did get knocked out for quite awhile. Apparently he narrowly missed getting hit by a building. He woke up just before they got to the Tower.” Jane’s voice had started calm and almost robotic, but the longer she talked, the weaker her voice had sounded. Darcy squeezed her hand to remind her that she was there. 

The rest of the trip to the Tower was a bit of a blur for Darcy. She was worried about Thor, but she was worried about everyone else as well. She followed close behind Jane as they almost ran down the hall at medical. Natasha was standing near the end of the hallway waiting for them, still dressed in her gear. Each of the Avengers had their own medical room, stocked specifically with anything that they might need, especially since Steve, Bucky, and Thor presented their own challenges in treatment. 

“Where is he?” Jane asked as she came to a stop. Darcy took Jane’s hand again as soon as they’d stopped. Natasha smiled tiredly at them. 

“He’s okay, he’s in his room. They’re just running a few more checks then he’ll be okay to go home and rest.” Nat told her. Jane physically sagged with relief before she smiled and Natasha, giving her a quick hug before she let go of Darcy’s hand and rushed off to Thor’s room. Darcy smiled at her, glad she was okay. 

“Where’s Buck?” She asked, suddenly realizing that Natasha looked more than just tired. Natasha broke into a bigger smile. 

“Bucky is fine Darcy. Don’t worry. Now go, check on Thor.” Darcy took her hand and squeezed it quickly before she walked after where Jane had gone. 

Just before Thor’s room was Steve’s and until she almost ran into the nurse who was coming out the door, she hadn’t even realized that the door was closed. She looked over and could see Steve clearly in the bed. They’d stripped him of his uniform, and he was dressed in a gown. He was asleep, which was uncommon, he never stayed passed out long. There was an IV in his arm and she realized she could see cuts and bruises all over his face and arms, and his skin was still dirty, like he was covered in dirt. Even his hair was dirty. Everything faded out to white noise around her.

She jumped when she felt someone touch her arm. She turned her head quickly and saw Bucky standing there. Only then did she realize that she’d approached Steve’s bedside. 

“What happened?” She asked softly, forcing the words out. 

“He got hit with a building. A blast knocked it off, it was falling over, Thor was there, fighting an enemy. He didn’t see the building. Then all of a sudden, the building was down, and Thor was outside of the landing zone, but Steve was gone. Thor and I dug him out. The doctors said he’ll be okay. No permanent damage. But he hasn’t woken up yet.” Bucky’s voice was almost automatic. The prognosis was good, but he didn’t sound like he believed it. Darcy understood, she wouldn’t believe he was going to be okay until Steve was awake either. 

“Is it okay if I wait with you?” She asked looking back at Steve. 

“Yeah Doll, that’ll be fine.” Bucky smiled weakly at her, so she reached over and took his metal hand in her own, squeezing tightly. 

Natasha came back in the room a little while later, seeming unsurprised to see Darcy seated near the window on the cushions there. It was specifically designed for someone to sleep on if they stayed overnight with Steve, and Darcy had claimed it as her own, since Bucky was seated in the chair on the other side of Steve’s bed. Natasha put her hand on Bucky’s shoulder and he covered it with his own hand. She didn’t speak, just stood behind him, a silent and reassuring presence. Darcy felt the loss of that feeling more keenly when she watched them so she turned away. 

Turning sideways, she stretched her legs out and leaned her head back against the wall. Folding her arms across her chest, she stared at Steve’s face and thought of the last thing she’d said to him. She felt slightly out of place, since once again they’d been fighting when something happened to one of them, and the last words she’d said were spoken in anger. Both when she went missing, and again, when something could happen to Steve. She tried to remind herself that the doctors knew what they were talking about and they said he’d be okay, his body just needed to recover more before he’d wake up. She closed her eyes against the tears threatening to fall and let out a breath. 

Bucky watched as Darcy tipped her head back and closed her eyes. He knew the moment she’d fallen asleep, and he turned to look up at Natasha. 

“They’re going to give me gray hair.” 

“I mean, you are over a hundred, it wouldn’t be out of place.” She told him with a smile. He chuckled. 

“I’m gonna go change. Text me if something changes and I’ll be right down.” He stood and kissed Natasha before he left the room to go take his gear off and put on something more comfortable. 

When he returned, he was dressed in a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and had his hair pulled back. He put the blanket he’d brought for Darcy to cover up with on the bench beside her before shaking her awake. 

“I brought you something more comfortable to put on, since we could be here awhile.” He told her. She nodded, before taking the clothes he held out to her. She glanced at Steve as she stood before going into the ensuite bathroom to change. Bucky sat down where she’d been sitting and grinned over at Natasha. She quirked an eyebrow at his cat-who-got-the-canary smile. He glanced around the wall to make sure the bathroom door was still shut before he pulled something out of his pocket and held it up for her to see. It was an envelope addressed to Steve. Natasha tilted her head slightly, eyebrows knit in confusion. Bucky grinned again as he put it back in his pocket, nodding his head toward the bathroom as he did. 

“Darcy?” Natasha mouthed the word to him. He nodded as he leaned back against the window. “How?” She mouthed. 

“Jane.” He answered, just as silently. Natasha’s smile grew. Points to the astrophysicist. Natasha wasn’t sure how she’d done it, but it was a big step in the right direction. 

“Does she know?” Natasha asked him nodding toward the bathroom as well. Bucky shook his head and smiled wider. She bit her lip to keep from laughing. Bucky pulled his phone out of his pocket and fired off a quick text. 

**James:** _According to the note on the back of the envelope, Jane convinced Darcy to write it after the babyshower while she was a bit drunk. Then she stole it and slipped it under Steve’s door. Darcy has no idea it’s even missing._

**Natalia:** _This is going to be good. I’m sending her a mini-muffin basket tomorrow._

Bucky laughed and stuffed his phone into his pocket. 

“Okay, I’m going to go home and get some rest. Call me if you need me to come back down, okay?” Natasha told him out loud, getting up and walking over to him. 

“Okay Natalia. I love you.” He leaned up and kissed her when she came closer. 

“I love you too James. I’m serious, if you need anything, you let me know.”

“I know Doll. I will.” She nodded, cupped his cheek for a moment, then left the room. 

By the time Darcy came out of the bathroom dressed in a pair of Steve’s sweats and one of his old shirts, Bucky had returned to the chair he’d been in before. Darcy smiled weakly at him before resuming her position by the windows. She crossed her arms and stared out over the city. Bucky didn’t speak, was content to look at something on his phone, one leg propped up on the edge of Steve’s bed, so she didn’t feel like she had to instigate conversation. She didn’t know what she’d say anyway. She was starting to feel really foolish for being there. 

“Stop it.” Bucky’s voice was soft, but reprimanding. She turned toward him.

“What?” 

“You’re thinking too hard and you’re going to wear a hole in your lip Doll.” Darcy looked down. 

“Maybe I should go and you can text me when he wakes up.” She moved to stand. 

“It’s fine if you’re here Darce.” He held a hand up to her, and she sat back down.

“I’m not his girlfriend anymore Buck. I shouldn’t be here.” She looked down again. “He wouldn’t want me here.” She continued, voice small. 

“He’ll be glad you’re here, trust me.” 

“Yeah right.” She whispered softly to herself. 

“You know I can still hear you right?” She looked up at Bucky, who was smiling at her. 

“I know, it’s just, I feel like some sort of creeper.” 

“I feel like things are back to normal. Do you know how much time I spent next to this idiot’s hospital bed before the war? We were sure we were going to lose him a few times. Broke his Ma’s heart. But he’s a fighter. Always has been. He pulled through then, and he’ll pull through now. So don’t worry your pretty little head. Trust me, I’ve known him for the better part of a century. So when I tell you he’ll be glad you’re here, maybe try to believe me.” Darcy smiled at him before getting comfortable and turning back to the window. Trying desperately to extinguish the little bit of hope that had ignited with his words. It wouldn’t do her any good to hope. 

Eventually, Darcy covered herself with the blanket and after securing a promise from Bucky to wake her if Steve woke up, she fell asleep again. Bucky only had to wait about another twenty minutes before Steve started to stir. His eyes popped open and Bucky was right there, holding his hand with a smile on his face. 

“Welcome back buddy.” He whispered to him. 

“Why are you whispering?” Steve asked just as quietly as Bucky handed him the cup of water off his little table. Steve took a drink then looked back at Bucky who just nodded toward the window. Steve looked and Bucky watched the soft fond smile take over his friends face when he saw Darcy sleeping there. 

“She just fell asleep. According to Jane, she’s had a rough few days. Hasn’t been sleeping well due to nightmares she won’t talk about, and she’s been here ever since we got back. She’s been trying to hide it, but I’m surprised she hasn’t worn a hole straight through her lip. Besides, we have to talk, and it’s better if she stays asleep for that.” 

“What’s up? How’s Thor? Is he okay?” 

“Everyone is fine Steve.” Bucky reassured him with a smile before he moved his chair closer to Steve. “Now I’m gonna ask you a question, and I need you to be one hundred percent honest with me when you answer it.” 

“Okay.” Steve said slowly, not sure where Bucky was going with this. 

“Did you mean what you said?”

“When?” 

“To Darcy at my engagement party. Did you mean what you said to her? If she walked away she had to stay gone?” Steve closed his eyes and let his head fall back. He lifted his head after a minute and looked at Bucky again. 

“No. I don’t know why I said it. I’m just so angry about the whole situation. I want to fix it but I don’t even know where to begin, and she won’t talk to me to even begin telling me what happened.” Steve’s voice was sad. “I never should have said that.” 

“No, I agree that you shouldn’t have, but it wasn’t like either of you are doing well in the communication department. What if I said I could answer all of your questions as to why everything went down like it did?” 

“How? Did you get her to talk to you?” Steve looked so hopeful.

“Nope.” Bucky smiled and before Steve’s face could fall, he pulled the letter out of his pocket and handed it to him, who was looking at him confused. 

“What’s this?” 

“Read it.” Bucky told him, leaning back in his chair with a smile. Steve looked at him for a moment, trying to read him, but then turned back to the letter in his hands. 

Bucky watched as Steve read the note on the back of the envelope, before pulling out the letter with a slight tremble in his hands. He watched Steve’s face carefully as he read through the two page letter. He wanted to read it, but it wasn’t his business. It was between Darcy and Steve, and as badly as he wanted to know if they’d all been right, he wanted to give his friends privacy if he could. He watched in amusement as Steve shook his head a few times while reading, as if denying something. Watched him tip his head back and let out a frustrated groan. At least if Bucky couldn’t read it, he was finding Steve reading it amusing. 

“Well, that was a ride from start to finish.” Steve told him, putting the letter back into the envelope and handing it back to Bucky. 

“Enlightening?” 

“Sort of. I still feel like I’m missing something though.” Bucky stared at him a moment, trying to decide if he really wanted to ask the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since the morning after the engagement party. 

“Did you really never tell her that you loved her?” 

“I did. She never said it back.” 

“Did you ever look her in the eye, a hundred percent awake, and tell her you loved her?” Steve thought a moment. 

“I guess not. I tried to show her every day though. In everything that I did.” 

“Yeah, she doesn’t think you loved her. She thinks you cared about her, and that you could have loved her eventually, but you just weren’t there.” 

“Buck, I-” Bucky held up a hand and cut him off. 

“I don’t know what was in that letter Steve, I don’t know what she actually said to you. I just know what she said to me. She thinks after that last panic attack she had, the one where you called Nat and I, that after that you were already out of the relationship, you just hadn’t realized it yet. So she left.” 

“When did she tell you that?” 

“That night you came in and she was crying.” 

“And you didn’t tell me?” 

“Wasn’t mine to tell. We all kind of hoped you guys would just talk and figure it all out. But you didn’t. You just kept arguing.” 

“All we do is argue anymore.” 

“So what now? You know her side, are you gonna tell her? What are you going to do Steve? What do you want to do? Cause she didn’t wait here all day because she’s just your friend. When she walked in here, she looked like someone had sucked the soul from her body. I don’t even think she knew she was coming into the room before she was at your side.” 

“I don’t know Buck. I told her we were going to talk when I got back, and I still want to. But I don’t want to do it here. Not in the hospital.” 

“So, when you get out, have her over, and talk. Not yell. Not let her make you angry. You're not confused anymore. Fix it, if that’s what you want to do. Or call it quits for good, but you guys sit down, and no one leaves until you hash it out.” 

“Okay. Okay Buck.” 

“I’m gonna wake her up now. It’s gonna be awkward. But I told her you’d be glad she was here.” 

“I am. It would have felt wrong to wake up and her not be here. Especially since she’s covered in the blanket off my couch. It feels right.” 

“I know buddy. I know.” Bucky moved his chair back and walked over to the window seat, crouching down so he was level with Darcy. He could feel Steve watching him. “Darce.” He said softly, shaking her shoulder gently. She opened her eyes and glanced up at him, he nodded towards Steve’s bed. Her eyes cut over to Steve quickly, sitting up a little, the blanket falling to her waist. Bucky stood and moved out of the way. 

“Hey Doll.” Steve told her, a small smile on his face. “I’m okay.” She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it back from her face. 

“Uh, hey.” She cleared her throat and sat up fully, looking like she wanted to simultaneously start crying and launch herself onto the bed into Steve’s arms. 

“Come here Darce.” Steve told her softly. She stood on shaky legs and walked over next to his bed. Steve held his hand out to her and she hesitated before laying her hand in his. He pulled her gently until he had pulled her over the railing and into his arms, her legs still hanging over the railing on the bed. She didn’t resist him, but Bucky saw her eyes close as soon as her head got to his shoulder, her arms wrapping around him. He heard her take a shaky breath and knew she was going to start crying. Bucky caught Steve’s eye before he nodded toward the door. Steve nodded, pulling Darcy more into his arms, against his chest as Bucky headed out the door, quietly pulling it open and then closed behind him. He leaned back against it a moment and let himself feel the relief of Steve being okay. No matter what, he would always be the same Steve he’d befriended in grade school, super soldier serum or not. He took a deep breath and moved away from the door, pulling his phone out to call Natasha. 

“I’m okay Doll. I’m okay.” Steve said quietly, his head leaned against hers, practically hugging her with every part of his body that he could. Darcy tried to stop the tears that were silently falling down her face, wetting the shoulder of Steve’s hospital gown. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.” 

“You don’t have to explain Darce. I really am just glad you’re here.” 

“I’m sorry the last thing I said was something angry. Why do I keep doing that? I keep saying mean things just before you leave. One of these times it may be the last thing I ever say.” Her voice hitched. She wasn’t sure why she was telling him this. 

“It wouldn’t matter, not to me. Anger means you care. But I can’t fix something if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be fixing Darce. You gotta help me out here. I don't wanna fight with you.”

“Did you really kiss Sharon?” Steve groaned and leaned his head back. 

“I don’t know how you found out about that, but no. She kissed me, but I didn’t kiss her back. In fact I told her she had to go. She went to stay with Maria after that, for the rest of her stay. And for the record, she was staying in the guest room. I know how some of the rumors made it sound Darcy, and even if this wasn’t, whatever this is, I wouldn’t have done something like that to you.” 

“I think I knew that, somewhere in my head.” 

“Yeah, I figured. Look, I need to apologize to you.” 

“No you don’t Steve. You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

“I have though, but we can argue about that later. I shouldn’t have told you to go and stay gone. That wasn’t fair. You’ve been through a lot recently, and you’re only human Darce.” 

“I’m not a delicate flower Steve.” She mumbled. 

“No, you aren’t. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t say things I regret.” 

“So did I.” 

“Okay.” He said softly, his arms tightening around her. They laid there like that until a nurse came in a few moments later, forcing Darcy to get off the bed so they could check Steve’s vitals, and ask him a few questions. While they were doing that, Darcy folded the blanket she’d been sleeping under. She took her jeans and went back into the bathroom to change into them. She’d bring the shirt back later, but it was time for her to go. 

“You’re leaving.” Steve said looking at her after the nurse left. 

“Yeah, I mean, I wanted to make sure you were okay Steve, and you are. But I don’t really have a right to be here. Bucky and Natasha and even the medical staff have been accommodating, but I know the truth.” Steve didn’t respond right away, just stared at her with that calculating look she knew meant he was evaluating her. 

“I meant what I said, we do still need to talk.” 

“I know. We will.” 

“I’ll call you when I get out of here.”

“Okay.” Darcy picked up her bags and suddenly felt more awkward then she had previously. Before she could second guess herself, she closed the distance between them and placed a kiss to Steve’s forehead. “Feel better please.” She whispered, before she walked away. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Three days after Steve had woken up, Darcy was at home. She hadn’t heard from him, and she knew he’d been released from the hospital the next day. She was slightly on edge about the radio silence, if she was being honest with herself. He’d told her that he wanted to talk when he got out of the hospital, then disappeared. She’d honestly expected to hear from him by now. She grumbled to herself about it as she dumped her dirty clothes into her washer and started a load. 

Therapy that day had been a little rough. Her therapist had made her unpack her irritation about his delay and examine why she was upset about it. Which only further irritated her. Then her therapist had made her talk about what she hoped the outcome of said conversation would be and how she thought it would go. Which made her feel unsettled and a little out of control. She was working on putting names to her emotions and it wasn’t making things easier. Irritated and severely anxious about this pending conversation was how she’d settled on describing it before she’d left therapy. It hadn’t made her feel better. Or more in control, so she’d come home and started cleaning her already mostly clean apartment. 

Jane had a doctor’s appointment the next day, so she’d decided to take the whole day off and given Darcy the day off as well, which she didn’t mind, but at least work would distract her. As it was, she was going to spend her weekend scrubbing every square inch of her apartment until it sparkled while blaring her music as loud as possible without annoying her neighbors. 

It was almost six o’clock when she heard a knock at the door. Darcy groaned when she stood up off of the kitchen floor, that she’d been scrubbing by hand. When she opened it, she was surprised to see Steve standing there. He smiled widely at her before lifting the bag in his hand. 

“I brought take out, I thought we could eat and talk?” Darcy stared at him dumbfounded before shaking her head and stepping back. 

“Uh, yeah, sure. Just let me take care of this real quick.” She moved back to the kitchen and cleaned up the bucket and water still on the floor. She could finish the floor later. She had all weekend. She took the bright yellow dish gloves off of her hands and laid them over the side of the sink before she turned it on to wash her hands. Behind her Steve followed her inside, closing the door before crossing to the table and beginning to pull take out containers from the bag. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He told her. When she looked back over her shoulder at him, he was smiling sheepishly down at the table and trying not to make eye contact with her. 

“It’s fine Steve. This can wait and I should probably eat something anyway.” She dried her hands quickly on a towel before she pulled a couple of plates and forks from the dish drainer and carried them to the table. “Just give me a moment.” She told him, then quickly escaped to the bathroom.

She flipped the light on and examined herself in the mirror. This was not how she’d pictured this happening in therapy that afternoon. She was in a ratty old shirt and a pair of tiny shorts, with her hair a mess. She groaned softly before grabbing her jeans off of the back of the door. She changed into them before attempting to do something better with her hair. She ended up just redoing the bun she’d had it in to begin with. She splashed a little bit of water on her face and took a couple of deep breaths and tried to organize her thoughts for the upcoming conversation. Then she pasted a smile on her face before opening the door and leaving the relative safety of the bathroom. 

“I didn’t bring anything to drink, but you had some beers so I just grabbed a couple of those, as long as that’s okay?” Steve asked her, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“It’s fine Steve.” She waved him off as she sat at the table. 

“Okay.” He nodded before pulling out the chair closest to her and sitting down himself. He handed her a plate and started pulling open take out containers. They worked in silence to fill their plates. 

“So, how are you feeling?” She asked after the silence had started to feel oppressive. 

“I’m okay. Everything healed up just right so no problems there. Had a few things I had to take care of once I was released. I hate the paperwork part of getting hurt.” He told her, shaking his head.

“I bet it’s a nightmare.” She smiled and took a bite of her food. He’d gotten her favorite, probably in an effort to butter her up. Steve nodded before putting his fork down, leaning back in his chair. 

“I wanted to eat first and then do this, but I can’t. We need to talk about this.” He told her after staring at her for a minute. Darcy looked down at her plate before answering.

“I think we’ve probably said enough. I don’t know what else there is to talk about. You want answers that I can’t give you Steve.” She told him, moving a piece of broccoli around on her plate with her fork. She saw Steve shift in his chair, pulling something out of his pocket. 

“We haven’t talked about this.” She looked up sharply to see what he was holding up. It was the letter she’d written then thrown away. 

“Where did you get that?” Her voice trembled and she wished that it hadn’t. 

“It was shoved under my door.” Darcy closed her eyes and mentally called Jane every name she could think in the moment. 

“You were never supposed to see that.”

“Well I can’t unsee it now.”

“I wish you hadn’t.”

“Fine, forget that letter. What about this one?” He pulled the pink sticky note out of his pocket and laid it on top of the envelope. “Can we talk about this one?” 

“I’d rather not.” 

“I got that, but here’s the thing Darcy, we are going to talk about it. All of it. The letter, the note, all of it.”

Darcy sighed and leaned back in her chair. “I know.”

“So, knowing that I have read this letter, and not just once, I’ve probably read it about a hundred times in the last few days, and obviously I have seen the sticky note, I want you to answer me one question. Take as long as you need to think about it, but I want an answer. I am not leaving until we hash this out completely and get on the same page. Cause it seems to me that we’ve been on different pages, in entirely different books for longer than I thought.” 

“What’s the question Steve.” She finally looked up at him, holding his gaze. If they were going to do this, then she would finally lay it all out on the table. Even if it hurt. 

“Do you even want to try and fix this, if it’s fixable, are you interested in fixing it?” Darcy took a deep breath and blew it out before taking a drink of beer. Her mouth was suddenly very dry. 

“Honesty?” 

“I think it’ll be best, even if it hurts.” 

“Part of me wants to just jump you and take you to bed and just say I was being crazy and just ignore everything I said and did.” Steve smirked at her. 

“But,” he prompted when she paused. 

“But, part of me knows that a lot has happened just since my birthday that we cannot ignore. Things that cannot be taken back and shouldn’t be glossed over. I know I’ve said and did some things that hurt you, but you hurt me too. And I don’t even know that you realized you were doing it half the time. Which I can’t fault you for, but the facts are there.” 

“But is it fixable?” 

“I think it could be. But it would be a lot of work.” 

“Do you want to fix it?” She sighed. 

“I don’t know.” she admitted quietly. Steve nodded, before leaning forward, pushing his plate out of the way and leaning on his arms. 

“I want to fix this. I think it can be fixed, but you’re right it’s going to be a lot of work, for both of us. Nothing about this is so broken that we can’t get back to where we were, or to a place like it. We aren’t the people we were on your birthday Darcy. Neither of us. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you back. I do want to fix it. I want to fight for you, because that’s what you deserve. You are worth it. You make my life better, but if you don’t think you can do it, I’ll walk away. So you get to decide, do we talk it out, try to come to some agreement, and then decide? Or do we just decide now and let it go.” 

“I think we owe it to ourselves to at least have a conversation.” She told him quietly. 

“Me too. Now here’s the deal, we are most likely going to get mad. We are probably going to yell at each other. But neither one of us is walking out that door, no matter what gets said, no matter how bad it hurts until we come to a decision. Agreed?”

“Agreed.” 

“Good, eat your food.” Steve chuckled softly at her before pulling his food back over and starting to eat. Darcy just blinked at him owlishly before she did the same, shaking her head at him. 

“You are so weird sometimes.” She mumbled before shoving another bite of pasta into her mouth. Steve just smiled at her. 

They finished eating in a somewhat easy silence. As the meal ended, the tension started to feel thick again. Darcy could feel it pressing down on her. Where do they even start? There was so much. She didn’t want to just repeat what was in the letter, they both already knew all of that. But it wasn’t everything, she hadn’t put everything in it. Just most of it. 

“Stop. Your lip cannot take that much abuse.” Steve said reaching over and softly pulling her lip from between her teeth. She turned and focused on him. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to figure out where to start.” 

“Well, I have a few questions, how about we start there. Getting through those may help us figure out where the cracks are.” 

“Okay.” Steve nodded then stood up, clearing away their plates. 

“What changed? What happened that started making you doubt the way I felt for you?” He grabbed two more beers before coming back to sit down at the table with her. 

“Bucky’s birthday.” Steve’s brows knit together, but he didn’t interrupt her. “I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. When I got back in bed you wrapped your arms around me, nuzzled my neck, and whispered Peggy’s name. Then said that you loved her.”

“I told Peggy I loved her?” He asked. 

“No, you whispered, ‘Peggy, I love you.’ in my ear Steve. It wasn’t the first time you’d ever said her name. It didn’t ever bother me, and I still can not fully place why this time was different in my head, it just was. You’d never said her name in my ear like that. You’d never said you loved her, that I heard at least. And, I don’t know, it just felt like this huge thing all of a sudden. I couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was because that was the second time in a week I’d heard you say her name. Maybe it was the way you said her name, all soft and reverent, I don’t know. Maybe it was the ‘I love you’. I’m not sure Steve. All I know is that it rattled me. I knew you didn’t love me, not that you didn’t care, you just weren’t there yet, and that was okay with me. I was fine with that. I really was. But, something about it shook me up. 

“Then you did it again a few days later. Curled up together, me pressed against your chest, her name on your lips. Again. And I just, I don’t know. I asked myself why it bothered me so much when it never had before and I couldn’t come up with anything. Honestly, I still don’t know, not really.” Steve was quiet a minute. He looked down at his hands and looked thoughtful. Darcy took a long pull from her beer. She couldn’t believe she’d just verbally vomited something she never wanted to confess. Vulnerability was difficult for her now, when it hadn’t ever been before, but Steve was worth the effort. 

“There is something about what you just said that bothers me more than anything else, and I have more questions, but we have to clear something up right now, before we go any further.” He looked up at her and leaned forward. “I love you.” Darcy felt her chest constrict. She’d been waiting for months to hear those words. “I love you. You. And I have known that since probably Christmas. I remember the exact moment it hit me. You were standing there at the Avengers Christmas party. You were talking to Jane and Bruce across the room from me. And I happened to look over and catch your eye and you smiled at me before you focused back on your conversation. And it hit me. Seeing how beautiful you looked, holiday lights lighting your hair like you were wearing a halo. All of your gifts had been well thought out and you really knew who you were buying for, and catered to their interests. Not just the outside interests that people think we have. You could have phoned that in, but you spent the time getting to know people and getting them each something that they’d like. I remember it felt like I couldn’t breathe, but like I could float away at the same time. I knew then that I loved you and I hoped like hell you’d never leave and take all of the light you’d brought with you away.” Steve stopped and swallowed hard. “So you were wrong. I did love you already by Bucky’s birthday. I’d even tried to tell you a couple of times, but you never said it back so I stopped, didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, thought you needed a bit longer than that, which was fine. I was willing to wait forever to hear those words from your lips.” 

“Steve.” She started softly. 

“It’s okay. I just wanted to clear that up.” He leaned back and shook his head. 

“I love you too you know.” She told him softly. 

“I know. I read it in your letter, but it’s nice to hear.” He smiled softly at her. “But the Peggy thing, that’s what started it?” 

“It did, and I guess once my mind latched on to the idea that I kept being compared to the one person you had loved, it started seeing things that maybe weren’t there, or through a lens filter that I wouldn’t have before that weekend. Like, you ended every phone call abruptly that weekend whenever I would come into the room. You did that a lot. Or I’d catch the tail end of whispered conversations, before you’d catch sight of me and just hang up. Like you were hiding something. By then my paranoia had reached a level I couldn’t dismiss anymore. Jane said it was my insecurities, and that I just needed to talk to you. But then you left before I could and you didn’t say goodbye, and in my head, it reaffirmed the belief that maybe you weren’t as in this relationship as I had previously thought. It seems stupid now.” She shook her head. 

“I can see how that would all end up painting a different picture, a very skewed perception of reality from my end, but I can see why that was the case. That weekend, I got off the phone when you were around because I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted my focus to be on just you. And when I came back, we argued and I understood that argument, I messed up by not telling you I was leaving. We figured that out. Why didn’t you tell me then, that you were feeling insecure?”

“I don’t know Steve. There were so many emotions already, there always are when you’re gone and then come back. Not that I would ever ask you to stop, but it’s hell for me when you’re gone. I’m a stressy mess, especially when I don’t know if you’re okay. Every time before that, you’d told me you were leaving and I knew you were home after a couple of hours, every single time. But that time, you didn’t even say goodbye and in my mind that confirmed that you weren’t really in it anymore. You were starting to let go. I wanted to hold on as long as I could, but I felt like you were leaving. There were times we would be sitting on the couch and you’d have your arm wrapped around me, but it didn’t feel like you were there with me, mentally, I guess? I don’t know how to explain it. And no matter how present and there you were, there were still enough of these moments that it felt like, at least to me, that you were pulling away.” 

“I wasn’t. I thought you were.” 

“So we were thinking the same thing just about the other person?” Darcy laughed tiredly. 

“So now it makes sense why you were reacting the way you did about my phone call with Sharon before I left, that and like I told you then, I didn’t think about how it seemed from an outside perspective. Honestly, if I had overheard what you had, I would have been just as angry. Even if I’d been totally secure in our relationship, which let’s face it, we were on rocky ground, or at least what we thought was rocky ground.” 

“It seems to me, our solution is to communicate better.” 

“Apparently. Oh Bucky’s gonna kill me.” Steve shook his head chuckling slightly and lifted his beer to his lips. 

“Bucky’s a fucking troll is what he is.” 

“Yeah, he told me you talked to him a little bit. I’m glad you talked to someone. I wish it would have been me, but I can see why that would have been difficult.” 

“I mean, even with my paranoia and everything else, I thought we could figure it out. I didn’t want to go, I thought that we could fix it. I was actively talking to my therapist about it. And then, “ Darcy trailed off. 

“And then what?” 

“Then that night happened.” 

“Ah. Yeah, I didn’t handle that well. At all. The night of, yeah, I made it work. But in the days after that I just, I was having a hard time separating you from what happened. I wasn’t mad at you, I was so damn angry at the people who hurt you. But I had nothing I could do, and I wanted to punch my way out.” 

“You can’t punch your way out of everything Steve.” 

“Well, trust me, the amount of anger I had, and it wasn’t just anger, it was more like righteous fury. I wanted to light the world on fire just to watch it burn. Because they’d hurt you. And they’d hurt me by hurting you. And I couldn’t do anything about it. It was already taken care of. Nothing left to avenge, and none of it happened by my hands. So I had a lot of anger with no direction to release it. I broke probably four punching bags that week.”

“It felt like.” Darcy cleared her throat. “I told Bucky that I may have been the one who left, but you were already gone, even if you hadn’t realized it yet. And I couldn’t stay and wait for you to break my heart.”

“I’m sorry that you felt like that. I should have just talked to you.” 

“Oh, like i talked to you about what was going on in my head? About the things I was hiding because I didn’t want to upset you?” 

“Okay, fair enough. It’s still true though. We should have talked about how we were feeling.” Steve told her with a small smile. 

Darcy lifted her beer to her lips and took another drink. So far, they were doing okay. They were actually talking, not interrupting, and listening to one another. Steve hadn’t once invalidated her feelings, and she was trying to do the same. So far, it had been good for them, and she could feel the weight lift from her shoulders the longer they talked. 

“So now what? Do you think we can get over the horrible, untrue things we’ve said to one another the past few weeks?” Steve asked after they’d been silent for almost too long. 

“Steve,” He was shaking his head before she could even finish saying his name. 

“Don’t. Don’t tell me that there isn’t a chance. Not now. Not now that we know everything was because of something so stupid as fear. Please.” His voice was quiet, almost pleading and he refused to make eye contact with her. 

“Steve.” Her voice was more firm this time, and she reached over to grab his hand as she said it. She waited until he looked up at her, and she noticed the tears in his eyes. “I’m not saying no Steve. I just think that those hurtful things we said, well they came from somewhere. And maybe we weren’t angry at each other, not really. Maybe we were both just too scared of getting hurt to say the things that would have made it all okay, but we still said them. We did them. And I just,” She swallowed hard and squeezed his hand. 

“Wait, don't finish that thought. Let’s just go to bed and pretend none of this ever happened.” He whispered. Darcy laughed. 

“I really want to say yes to that. But it will all still be here in the afterglow Steve.” He sighed and she saw his body deflate, before he took a deep breath and sat up straight. It was like watching him put on armor. “I know what you’re thinking, and stop.” He looked up at her surprised. “I’m not saying no. I just need a little time. I have a lot of emotions I am sorting through at therapy Steve. There is a part of me that is still angry you didn’t rescue me. I keep having recurring nightmares where you do find me. You are the one that comes for me, but you take one look at me, and decide I’m not good enough anymore. And you walk out and leave me there. 

“Before you say anything, I know that they are just nightmares, and that is probably the farthest from the truth. But there is part of me who did not feel good enough to be the one who got to stand next to you before we even started dating. I do not feel enough. Period. And I need to feel like I am enough for me. I just started wearing real clothes to work again last week. I just need you to give me a little more time.” 

“I wanted you to move in with me. I was going to ask you when I got back from DC.” He said softly. “You’ve always been more than enough for me. What happened to you didn’t change that. Not in my eyes.” 

“I know that Steve. I do. My therapist says it’s a self-worth issue that probably has to do with my childhood and not the situation with you. But can you do that? Can you give me just a little more time to figure this out?”

“I can do that.” 

“I can’t promise that we will get a happy ending Steve. I can’t. And I don’t even know how long this will take. I won’t ask you to wait for me forever. But do you think that you could give me a little bit of time?” 

“I can do whatever you need me to do Darcy, you just tell me what you need and I will do it.” He told her seriously. 

“Thank you Steve.”

“What now?” He asked quietly. 

“I don’t know. Maybe we don’t avoid each other or anything, but maybe we just need a little time apart to get an equal footing?” 

“I think that might be good actually.” Steve agreed. 

They both sat there for a few minutes longer, letting the silence settle in around them. It wasn’t uncomfortable, and Darcy could feel the tears starting to sting the back of her eyes. She didn’t want this, but she knew it was for the best right now. She did have a lot of work she needed to do on herself. She just really wanted someone to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay. She heard Steve shift next to her but didn’t look up. Darcy felt his hands on her arm and she let him pull her to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. Her tears finally fell then. She couldn’t hold them back, even though she wanted to. 

“Shhh.” He rubbed a hand up and down her back. “It’s okay Darce. It’s gonna be okay. We’re fine. I love you.” He whispered, kissing her temple. 

“I love you too.” She mumbled into his chest. He held her until the tears stopped, and when he pulled back to look at her, she saw tear tracks down his face as well. 

“It’s not goodbye right. Just a break. That’s all. I’m here if you need me. Anytime. Day or night.” He told her. 

“I know.” She told him nodding. He cupped her cheek with one hand and wiped the tears from her face with his thumb. She smiled weakly at him. 

“I love you.” He told her seriously, before he placed a kiss to the middle of her forehead. When he pulled back, it was her turn to wipe the tears from his face. Then she got up on her toes to kiss his cheek. 

“I love you too Steve. That won’t change.” He pulled away from her then, and quietly gathered his jacket before he walked to the door. He turned around and waved sadly at her before he walked out and closed the door behind him. 

Darcy stood there in shock for a moment. Dazedly, she shut off the kitchen lights, leaving the trash and empty bottles from their dinner on the table. She took off her jeans and crawled between the sheets of her bed. She pulled his pillow to her chest and let herself cry it out. She knew it was for the best, but that didn’t stop it from hurting like hell. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Darcy got the phone call in the middle of the night. She pried her eyes open to look at the screen and was immediately alert when she saw it was Thor. She spent ten minutes getting dressed in the outfit she’d picked out for the occasion and washing the evidence that she’d cried herself to sleep off her face before she was out the door. She got a cab and met Thor and Jane at the hospital. For hours she stayed by their sides, helping Jane through each contraction, getting Thor coffee and helping him stay calm. 

At eight seventeen am on Monday, the twenty second of June, Seren Tove Odinson made her debut into the world. Darcy wasn’t sure who cried harder, Thor, Jane, Seren or herself. She took pictures as they placed Seren in Jane’s arms for the first time. Her best friend had never looked more beautiful then she did at that moment. When it was Thor’s turn, Seren looked so tiny in his big arms, but she stared up at her father in wonder as he openly wept. He officially announced the Princess’ birth on his Instagram with a beautiful picture of her wrapped in the blanket from her Godfather a half hour later.

Within the hour, a party from New Asgard was there to welcome the new Princess, Valkyrie brought her gifts fit for the newest member of the royal family. A chest of the finest Asgardian metals was presented to Jane, filled with letters from their people. Jane cried. Even though technically, Thor had put Valkyrie in charge so he could continue helping the Avengers, the people wouldn’t renounce him as their King. He and Jane often spent Yule there and a few weeks each summer. Thor always deferred any kind of decision making to Valkyrie, but he was still consulted from time to time when she was having a hard time making a decision. This was a matter of ceremony for the people, and Thor would not refuse it, neither would Jane. 

When they were left alone again, Thor passed Seren to her Godmother for the first time. Darcy openly cried, with a big smile on her face. Seren was the cutest thing she had ever seen. Even with red splotchy skin and a tuft of dark hair on her head. She had the widest blue eyes Darcy had ever seen though. Darcy knew that with one look, she was completely wrapped around the child’s little finger. She would do anything for her. 

When Jane had finally fallen asleep, and Seren was sleeping safely in her father’s arms once more, Darcy excused herself to the cafeteria to get some coffee for herself and Thor, and something chocolate for when Jane woke up. She sent the picture she’d taken of the little family to Natasha and Pepper, knowing that before the day was out, they’d all be here to welcome the littlest Avenger. 

When she arrived back upstairs, she pushed the door open with one hand and froze, the snarky quip she’d had ready in case Thor was crying again died on her tongue. She felt the scene in front of her play out in slow motion. Steve was seated in the chair she had previously occupied. In his arms was Seren, still sleeping peacefully like there was no where she’d rather be than in her Godfather’s arms. Just like at the baby shower, Darcy felt like all of the air had been snatched from her lungs and she couldn’t pull in another breath. She felt the coffee slip from her hands, as well as the bag of cookies she’d gotten for Jane. The thud of them hitting the floor was somewhat muted by the crashing of her pulse in her ears. The sound caused Steve and Thor to look over at her startled. She looked at Thor, opening and closing her mouth like she was a fish out of water. She was trying to apologize but the words wouldn’t come out. With a whimper she turned and ran from the room, collapsing a little ways down the hall. Just like the last time, she put her back to the wall and crouched down onto the balls of her feet, covering her head with her arms and attempting to draw a deep breath. 

She knew what had caused it this time. It was the only thing louder than the crash of her pulse in her head. Steve. Steve holding a baby. Their baby. A ring on his finger. A matching one on hers. She wanted that. She could have that. But she chose to give it up. She chose to give up her dream. The dream she’d never told anyone about. His soft smile looking down at something they’d made together. The proud look in his eyes, despite the tears that clung to his lashes. She’d seen it. She wanted it. She had lost it.

Steve and Thor stayed frozen for about half a second after Darcy disappeared. Thor moved to go after her but Steve stopped him with a hand on his arm. Carefully, as not to wake her, Steve stood and handed Seren back to her father. With a reassuring smile, Steve followed after Darcy, stopping at the nurses station to request a mop for the spilled coffee. He found her just around the curve in the hall, back against the wall, crouched like she’d been at the baby shower when she’d had the sudden panic attack. There was a nurse looking concerned who Steve caught the eye of before he stuck his hand out, shaking his head slightly to get her to stay back. He could hear Darcy crying, so maybe it was not a panic attack this time, maybe just something that upset her. Thankfully, the nurse seemed to understand he was there to help and backed away as he slowly crouched down in front of her. 

“Darce,” He said quietly, letting her know it was him, before he took her hand and placed it on his chest, immediately starting to breathe deeply. She didn’t look at him, but her fingertips pressed into his skin just a fraction harder, like she was looking for a grip on something. He loosened his hold on her hand and she fisted it in his shirt. “Doll, look at me.” He encouraged her, his hands on her upper arms, trying to keep himself balanced as well as shield her just a bit from prying eyes. 

Darcy looked up at him, turning her free arm to grab at the sleeve of his sweat jacket, clinging to him. He knew it was coming a moment before she did it and slid one of his feet back to better balance as she threw herself into his arms. He gathered her up and got closer to the wall, doing his best to hide her from view. He held her tightly as she cried. He whispered in her ear the whole time, trying to help her calm down. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She mumbled against his chest after her tears had slowed. It twisted something in his chest that she felt she needed to apologize to him every time she cried on his shoulder. 

“It’s okay Darce. I got you. You’re okay.” He brushed the hair sticking to her cheek back behind her ear and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. Placing a kiss to the center of her forehead he pulled back and looked at her. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.” She nodded before wiping her face again, wiping her hands on her jeans. 

Steve stood and pulled her against his side, one arm around her, keeping her turned slightly toward him. She wrapped an arm around his back under his sweat jacket, fisting his shirt in her hand. She brought her free hand up to hold the one he has slung over her shoulders, fingers twining together. Steve walked her down the hall, following the signs to the courtyard he knew was there somewhere. He stopped at a bathroom and let her go inside to wash her face. When she came back out, they ended up wrapped around each other once again. 

Steve couldn’t tell but he thought it may be the only thing holding her together. He didn’t much care for the why of it, just happy to have her there at all. It had been a long week since they talked. He had seen her once, briefly, in that time, when they passed one another in the hallway. They’d smiled awkwardly at one another and gone on their way. Right now, he’d relish having her under his arm again, her hand clutched tightly in his, no matter the reason. 

Once they made it outside, Steve started them down the little path to the right of the door. He wasn’t sure how long it was, but he’d walk as long as it would take for her to either feel well enough to go back inside, or tell him what was wrong. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to panic.” He looked down at her when she started speaking, giving her his full attention. She wasn’t looking at him, but out at the path. “I don’t think it was a full fledged panic attack anyway. Just started that way. I don’t know. I can’t explain it.” Her voice was a little rough from crying, but he didn’t comment on it, simply made a mental note to get her something to drink when they were done talking. 

“Do you know what caused it?” He asked her gently. 

“You.” 

“Care to elaborate?” He asked her a little dumbfounded. 

“I just.” She cleared her throat and started again. “I think it’s related to what happened at the baby shower. Sort of.”

“I don’t get it.” 

“So, I was thinking about when the panic started up at the baby shower, right? And I figured out that it coincided with when Jane opened your gift. The blanket you bought was beautiful and I could tell, even from where I was standing, that it was super soft. And that you’d put a lot of effort into choosing the right thing. I wondered briefly if you’d put that much thought into choosing items for your own kids one day. Then you’d made the comment about being her Godfather and I hadn’t known that bit of information yet. At that point we could barely have a conversation. I couldn’t help but wonder if Seren was going to have Godparents who forever hated one another. Then you said Sharon helped you pick it out and I don’t know, all of the breath in my lungs was gone and I had to get out of there before the attack fully set in. This took all of fifteen seconds or something to occur.”

“So why didn’t you tell me then what caused it?” 

“One, I didn’t fully understand then. I’d only worked it out with my therapist the Tuesday after you got hurt. And two, I was not about to tell you that I had a panic attack because I was thinking about you being a Dad and you brought up Sharon. That sounds crazy. Especially because we were arguing again just a few minutes later.” 

“Okay, fair. But what does any of that have to do with today?” 

“I walked in and you had her in your arms, and you looked so proud and in awe of this little person and I could tell you wanted to cry, but you had such a soft smile on your face and I just. I don’t know how to explain it.” 

“Try. For me?” Darcy rolled her eyes at him and blew out a breath.

“I saw it. I saw a whole life for you. I saw you holding your own child, wrapped in a blanket that you’d put just as much thought into, looking tiny in your arms, with that same soft slightly awed, slightly proud look on your face and I realized that I wanted to see it. But then I realized I said no Steve. You asked me to fix us with you and I told you no. I gave it up. I will probably never have that.” 

“You didn’t say no.” He told her, as he stepped in front of her, not letting go of her hand, but stopping them under the shade of a tree that grew over the path. 

“What?” She looked up at him confused. 

“You didn’t say no. You were quite adamant about that. You asked me for time Darcy. You asked me for space. For the last ten days, I’ve been trying to respect that. It doesn’t mean I’ve moved on in those ten days. Ten days, ten weeks, ten months, I’d wait. I don’t know that I’d wait ten years without changing the rules of this little arrangement a bit, but I’d wait that long too.” 

“But Steve-” 

“No, no buts. I want those things. One day, I want to hold a child I helped create in my arms. I want to wrap them in the softest blankets I can find. I want to spoil them. I want to spoil their mother. And Darcy, there is no one else I envision in that future but you. I love you, remember.” He could see the tears at the edge of Darcy’s eyes again. 

“I don’t,” She cut herself off and looked away. 

“You don’t what?” He asked, steeling himself for another rejection. 

“I don’t want distance. I don’t want time Steve. It’s stupid.” Her voice was quiet. 

“I agree with that. Trust me. But I gave it to you because that’s what you wanted.” 

“Maybe it isn’t what I want anymore.” 

“What do you want?” 

Darcy didn’t answer right away, just took her free hand and grabbed his other hand. “I want to kiss you. I want to go to bed next to you every night and wake up with you in the morning. I want to smell your soap on my sheets. I want you to complain about finding shirts that fit. I want you Steve. I want to fix whatever happened. I want you to hold me when I have a nightmare. I want to sit on the couch after work and complain about Jane while I drink a beer and you rub my feet and pretend to believe me when I say I hate my best friend. I want-” Steve couldn’t wait any longer, he dipped his head and stopped the flow of words with his lips against hers. His hands came up to cradle her face. He pulled back, and rested their foreheads together. 

“Yes.” He breathed before he kissed her again. 

“What?” She asked as she broke the kiss and dissolved into laughter. 

“I don’t even know anymore. Just come here.” Steve pulled her back into his arms again. Relishing in the feeling of her being there again after what had felt like the longest couple of months in his long life. 

“We should probably go back. Thor’s most likely worried.” Darcy told him, pulling away completely. He reached for her hand, worried that if he lost contact with her, he would realize the last few minutes had been a dream. 

“Is it wrong to want to be a little bit selfish right now? I finally have you back, and I don’t want to share.” 

“Steve, let’s go spend a little bit more time with our Goddaughter, then we can leave and hide in my apartment for however long you want, okay?” Darcy squeezed his hand. 

“Fine. She is kind of cute.” 

“I know.” Steve put his arm back around Darcy, but kept her hand in his, like they had been before. As they wandered back the way they had come, Steve felt Darcy’s arm settle around his waist again. “By the way,” He said looking down at her with a soft smile. 

“What?” Her smile matched his when she looked up at him. 

“I missed you. And I love you.” He kissed her temple. 

“I missed you too Steve. More than you know. And I love you too.” She squeezed him as hard as she could with one arm and Steve felt like his heart was going to bust out of his chest. 

Finally everything was right in his world again. He knew it would be work, and they would have to compromise. But he also knew she was worth it. She always had been. 

Thor and Jane were happy to find out Darcy was okay after the brief, but frightening, doorway incident. They were even more overjoyed to find out their friends were back together. So after letting them hold Seren once more, they sent them off with their blessing to find a place to hide and not leave it for at least a week. By then Jane and Thor would be ready for company and all the help Seren’s Godparents could provide.


	18. Epilogue

Darcy sat on the porch in the early morning and smiled. The sun glinted off of the Sapphire ring residing on her left hand as she raised her coffee cup to her lips. Inside, she could hear Steve in the kitchen making breakfast. The waves against the beach made the perfect backdrop to her morning. She felt herself smile. If you had asked her all of those years ago, when she had accepted an internship with Dr. Jane Foster for a measly six college credits, where she thought her life would be in ten years, she never would have been able to dream this. 

“Uncle Steve! Uncle Steve!” She heard the small voice from inside. 

“Princess!” She heard Steve’s enthusiastic reply, before she heard their customary lip smacking kiss. 

“Is my birfday!” 

“No, it’s Aunt Darcy’s birthday munchkin. Want to help me make breakfast?” 

“Pancakes?”

“Sure.” She could hear the smile in Steve’s voice. Knew the fond look he’d have on his face. As she watched him move about the kitchen, the two year old sitting on his hip, one arm held protectively around her while she jabbered away in his ear. She was interrupted by Jane coming to sit next to her on the patio, her and Thor having just returned from a morning stroll on the beach. Thor waved hello before continuing into the house. 

“Daddy!” They heard Seren say excitedly. “We makin pancakes!” 

“I see that Princess.” Darcy heard Thor say. 

“How long has she been up?” Jane asked, as she lowered herself into a chair. 

“A couple of minutes. She still thinks it’s her birthday.” 

“She thinks everyone’s birthday is her birthday.” Jane said fondly, as she shook her head. 

“I know.” 

“Happy birthday Darce.” Jane told her as she reached over and took her hand. 

“Thanks Janey.” 

“Holy shit! Is that the ring?” Jane cried out a moment later, leaning forward and reaching for Darcy’s hand. Darcy rolled her eyes and transferred her cup to the other hand. 

“Yeah. Let me guess, you knew?” 

“Are you kidding? We all knew. Steve has no poker face. I thought for sure you knew as well.” 

“Nope. I mean we’ve talked about it before, as a ‘in the future’ type thing, but never really talked about when we were going to take the leap.” 

“It’s beautiful Darce. I’m so happy for you.” Jane leaned in and hugged Darcy tight. 

“Thanks Janey.” They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Jane got up to go inside for her own cup of coffee. Darcy looked back out over the ocean and smiled. She heard Steve laugh loudly behind her and turned to smile at her little family. She had never been happier than she was in that moment. 

Her dreams were finally coming true. 

“Happy birthday beautiful.” She heard Steve’s voice next to her and turned to face her fiance. 

“Thanks Handsome.” She told him before she leaned over to kiss him. 

“Your Goddaughter is in there helping Thor burn pancakes for your birthday breakfast, but somehow I think they’ll taste just fine.” He told her as he slipped onto the lounger behind her. She leaned back onto his chest, resting her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her waist and together they watched the waves crash along the shore. 

“I love you.” He whispered as Darcy started drifting off to sleep again. 

“Love you too.” She mumbled, as she turned to place a kiss on the side of his neck. She let her eyes close and drifted off. She was happy. She was safe. She was loved. 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I appreciate it!


	19. *NOT REALLY A CHAPTER*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just have a quick question for you guys!

Hey guys! Sorry it's not a new chapter, but I wanted to ask anyone reading this a question.

So on my Facebook writing page, I'm going to go live and read a passage from this story. But I'm having trouble narrowing it down! So that's where I need your help. If you've read this, which passage should I read? What's your favorite part? 

Also, does anyone know how to add artwork to this? Cause I can't figure it out and have some artwork I'd love to share with you guys. For now it'll just have to live on my Instagram and my website. 

Speaking of, the facebook, insta, and website can all be found at AmberMarieWrites.com if you're at all interested. 

Thanks in advance for the help! Love you guys. You have no idea how much the kudos and comments give me life. 

Also, I'm contemplating writing a second little piece for this, sort of like a one-shot. Just not sure yet, so stay tuned. 

Much love, 

Amber Marie <3


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